Fallen
by Gollex
Summary: Illusia never happened because Gabrielle never woke up in time to pull Xena down with her. Gabrielle survives but Xena doesn't know that. When they finally meet again, how can they fix their friendship after Xena almost killed her best friend? The beginning of this story is mostly about Gabrielle and her feelings but eventually Xena will be sharing the spotlight with her.
1. Fallen

I want to point that English is not my native tongue. This is also my first fan fiction story I'm writing so please be mercy. There will be a lot spelling mistakes and so on but I just hope you can at least understand the main plot. I hope my language improves chapter after chapter. I hope you enjoy my story. Please give me some feedback if this is worth of writing.

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 1 – Fallen<strong>_

Xena pushed her horse to a quick gallop. Amazon village was near and her prize in there. Ever since she had talked with Ares in the montains nearby, only thing she had had in her mind was revenge. Her son had died and she knew who was responsible of it. As much as she loved Gabrielle she had betrayed her and, because of that, Gabrielle had to pay the prize.

While she rode through the front lines of the village she heard the warning signals being cried. Obviously she was the threat and the thought of it made her smile. The security was high so it met that Gabrielle was still here. If Gabrielle was still here, she knew she could easily get the revenge she was looking for. Gabrielle was, like Xena so well knew, much weaker fighter than Xena herself. The only problem was the amazons but most of them she had beat on sparring fights so she was not afraid.

When the center of the village finally came to her sight she saw Ephany standing in the middle of the town center. She ordered some of her warriors to stop Xena but she easily jumped over them next to Ephany. "Xena", Ephany tried to calm down the furious warrior. Xena answered to her with a hard punch to her arm. Loud crack told that Xena had just broken Gabrielle's second's arm. "Where is Gabrielle?" She asked chill in her voice. "Xena don't do that", Ephany begged from the ground. "Dear Ephany. Tell me where Gabrielle is or I broke every one of your bones one by one." Amazons around Xena and Ephany stayed in alert but didn't attack. They were afraid that Ephany would hurt herself in the process.

At the same moment Joxer pulled Gabrielle out from the sauna she had stayed for days. "Help me", he yelled before he noticed savage Xena in the middle of the amazon ring. "Joxer run!" Ephany yelled from the ground at the same time when Xena threw her Chakram. It hit Gabrielle right in the middle of her face. It bounced a few times before Xena caught the bloody weapon. "Amazon's attack!" Ephany yelled and the whole village acted at the same time. While Joxer tried to get Gabrielle save away from the sigh, dozen amazons attack against Xena. She fought against them a while before she noticed what Joxer tried to do.

Xena made an aerial front flip and landed in front of Joxer. "Not so fast", she purred. Gabrielle was unconscious and her face covered with blood. "Xena don't, please", Joxer begged. "Give me my prize or I kill you", answered the cold voice. Joxer decided to run which was not very good idea. Xena used her whip to topple Joxer and again to tie Gabrielle's legs. When the amazons attacked again she jumped on her horse and rode off Gabrielle hanging behind Argo. Ephany, Joxer and the amazons stand still not totally understanding what had just happened.

Xena dragged the lifeless body of Gabrielle miles to the shores of Apalonia. She slowed down, first time after leaving amazons, and jumped to the ground. She stared Gabrielle's body for a few minutes minding where to bury her. Face was totally mess, covered with blood and sand. Legs and arms were also full of cuts and bruises. Some of her bones were obviously broken. White toga she was dressing was dirty and full of tears and blood. She might be alive not but not for long. Xena felt satisfied. Her way to revenge was not only deadly but painful at the same time. Final thing to do was to get rid of the body and she decided to throw it down to the surging sea.

"Vengeance!" She yelled and threw Gabrielle down to her final tomb. Gabrielle's body fallen slowly but truly down to the sharp rocks. Xena was pleased. She had, like always, been able to revenge to her enemy. She turned around and walked away with Argo. She didn't think anything but her victory.

-.-

Gabrielle fell to the see. She was unconscious and very weak, but alive. In her endless sleep she thought only about the revenge. She hated Xena. Because of her, she had ended up to Britannia and Dahok had happened. Without Xena's hate for Caesar her life would still be pure and happy. Xena was a monster in her perfect world but one day, she decided, she will revenge what she did to her. Gabrielle understood that she was going to die. She was aware of the damage her body was carrying and she knew that nobody survived from that kind of damages. She was in the sea for days. When she was found she was alive but just barely. Few more days and would have been lost her fight of survive.

"Wake up! Oh God, wake up!" Young boy yelled and clapped Gabrielle to her healthy cheek. Gabrielle's body looked terrible, wounds everywhere. He was going to fishing when he had seen the body at the beach. Boy picked up Gabrielle's lifeless body and dragged her to his village nearby. It wasn't easy for him because Gabrielle's wet body was heavy to carry but, by the force of will, boy succeeded on his mission. At the village he yelled for healer and luckily, there was a special healer visiting at the town. He was much more skillful than the village's own healer. His name was T'ing Mai. Gabrielle was barely alive when he first time saw her. Healer, who was just passing by the village, tried to heal the girl with all the skills he had. It was just too hard. She would need his help for months to survive but T'ing Mai was leaving from the village back to his home country, China.

He asked from the boy if he knew who this girl was. Boy didn't know. Nobody in the village knew who she was or where she came from so T'ing had to make his decision. He decided to take Gabrielle with him to China. He could take care of her at the ship and when they would arrive to China she could return back to Greece if she wanted to. He made the promise to the boy and his family that he would heal this girl no matter how long it takes. If he was not able to do it, he knew peoples who could but these friends of him lived deep in the countryside of China. It was the only way to rescue this young lady. If he left her here, she would die in a few days and so, by the sunset, Gabrielle had already began her journey over the sea to the new sunrise...

End of part 1


	2. The Painful Reality

**Chapter 2 - The Painful Reality**

Gabrielle's eye snapped open. The pain was horrible. She couldn't feel any spot in her body which wasn't crying of the pain. At the top of everything, she was able to feel everything swinging, like she would be in a ship. She remembered what had happened I she couldn't understand how someone had been able to save her. This whole situation, this couldn't be true.

T'ing Mai leaned over the girl. Her eye was open and screaming in pain. She wasn't able to talk yet which had to feel strange. The herb mix which he had used on her face numb the pain in the wounds on her head but it also numb her mouth and blocked the speaking ability. It was only for her best because the wounds on her face were anything but not small. In a one was her voiceless scream was rewarding because now there was not that horrible sound of screaming in the air. Of course T'ing Mai knew that any of this wasn't rewarding to the girl but without his help this mysterious young girl would probably be dead.

"Hello there. My name is T'ing Mai" he said with his clumsy Greek. "I know you are not able to speak at the moment but it's only temporary. That is only because of herbs that are helping you to heal yourself." He watched the girl sadly. "The pain must be great. I can give you something that drops you back to coma." He wasn't sure if she understood. "Please nod if you understood what I said." Girl tried to nod but she seemed find that too painful. "Okay, ehm, just move your eye okay?" She moved her eye making it look like nod. "Good, well, you do want me to push you back to the unconsciousness?" Eye said no. "You sure? I know this is not easy for you." He was able to see the pain in her eye.

"Well, you have been through hell. I know you may not want to hear this but it's important. I have no idea what happened to you in the first place but I can see you are in very bad state at the moment. As I can say, your both legs are broken in at least three different points each. About your arms, well.., they are not as bad as your legs. You do have six broken fingers, your left wrist is totally in pieces and your right arm is broken in a two different spot. Also both your elbows and shoulders have taken great damage."

The pain in girl's eye was heartbreaking. As much as he didn't want to finish his report he had to. "Four of you ribs are broken just like few other bones in your torso. What comes to your other wounds you have them everywhere. You have bled a lot. I guess the worst wound you have is in your face. I can't say precisely what hit your face but it was something sharp and curved. It has damaged your nose which is also broken. The main problem here is that the curved wound goes through your right eye. I hope your eye is not damaged but yet I can't but sure. At the moment it is so badly swollen that I can't study it because I can't reach it. It will take long but you will live."

-.-

Wounds everywhere. Yes, she was able to feel that. What comes to the face injury she knew what had caused it. She remembered almost too well the moment when chakram sliced her face. If she wouldn't been able to dodge a little bit the hit of chakram she would probably be dead by now. The right eye made her worry. She couldn't use it at the moment and the pain in the area where eye is was one the worst she had.

She felt like dead but she loved the fact that she was alive. Her head was full of hate and anger, it covered her soul. It was the greatest pain she had. Xena had tried to kill her. Her former best friend had tried to kill her. She wanted to revenge. Her mind filled up with the images of Xena. Xena smiling, Xena laughing, Xena sleeping, Xena fighting and so on. This was the person who will suffer. Gabrielle was sure about it. These thoughts in her mind she slipped back to the unconsciousness.

-.-

She waked again when she tasted something awful liquid on her mouth. Pain came also back instantly and this time she was able to scream. The pain was everywhere, it was even worst that first time she had been awake. It was everywhere burning her body again and again. She tried to move her head but it was too painful. There was a moment she just wanted to die.

"Calm down, everything is on control." Gabrielle opened her healthy eye and met T'ing Mai's gaze. "Hey there, do you remember me? If it's too painful to speak you can just blink or something like that." Gabrielle blinked. She was surprised because that didn't hurt. "Okay, good. I know it hurts but could you tell me your name. You don't have to if you don't want to but it would be personably that call you for the girl or the mysterious girl or wounded girl or something like that."

"G..Ga…Gabrielle." Oh gods that was painful. She was able to feel every single wound on her face when she moved her mouth only to call out her name. Man smiled, she was not able to remember his name but she would never forget his helpers face. He was about 40 years old. He had brown kindly eyes and his black hair looked just like average oriental man's hair. He smiled with his peaceful mouth and for the first time after her daughter's funeral she felt she was safe.

"I will go to get some food for you. You've been out cold for a few days now so you must be hungry and your system need energy to heal you up." man said and slowly disappeared from Gabrielle's sight. Your system needs energy. What that means? And where the hell is she? In a boat yes she was still able to feel the swinging. Who was that man and where is the betrayer called Xena? Dozens of questions filled her mind. She knew the man was able to answer her question, at least a few of them so only thing she had to do is wait for him to tell her.

"I'm sorry this may feel embarrassing but you can't use your hands." Gabrielle hadn't noticed that he was back. She understood that he had to feed her because she couldn't eat by herself just like the man had said. T'ing something, that was his name.

She ate with a good appetite. She wasn't even noticed how hungry she was. Porridge tasted good, okay not the best she had eaten but not the worst either.

End of part 2


	3. Wingless Angel

**Chapter 3 – Wingless angel**

Days passed by. Gabrielle became stronger and stronger every day and she was awake most of the day. She was able to move a bit but not very much. Only problem was the wound on her face. It was very painful though T'ing Mai put all kind of herb creams on the face injury and gave her different kind of herb mixes to relieve the pain. It was still so badly swollen that nobody knew is the eye damaged. The smallest sores were healed almost perfectly but she was still very weak.

Her body had started to heal but her mind wasn't. She hadn't talked after she told her name to T'ing Mai. She only slept, ate and stared the walls around her but T'ing Mai was patient. He knew that those injuries were made by weapon; sword or something like that. He wanted to let Gabrielle make the decision to talk when she was ready. In the end physical wounds were not so hard to heal as the mental ones. The best medication is time and that was what he wanted to give her. Time.

Entire crew lived with Gabrielle. She was rarely alone. If T'ing Mai was somewhere away from Gabrielle's cabin there was always someone kept company for her. Ships' crew was mostly from China. As a native Chinese they didn't speak Greek. Gabrielle's name was not so easy to express so they renamed Gabrielle as Xiàjiàng – which means fallen in their language. (I hope this is right I used google translator...)

There is always someone with me. I don't understand their language but it seems like they care about me. They are giving me food every day and what I give for them? Silence... I haven't said a word after the fall to anybody. At least as I can remember. There are some gaps in my mind and they seem to know my name so maybe I have told that to somebody, I don't know. I'm a bit guilty of being silence but I can't speak, not just yet. Anger and hate are both burning my soul so badly at the moment that I don't know what to do. I see those moments time after time in my head. Two dead children lying next to each other, two massive funeral fires respecting their memories, two homicidal eyes staring at me full of hate, horse galloping in front of me while I'm schlepping in back of it, that brutal cry when I heard her crying for revenge, hate inside of me, burning… I want to kill her, not only kill but torture her so heavily that she begs me to kill her. When I'm totally healed I will go after her. There is not such a place in this world that could hide her from me. I will succeed; no-one can stop me.

These last days have been hell for me. I want to get rid of this pain. Part of me wants to die but bigger part of me wants to survive. I have a little light in my body, little light that keeps me going, little light which uses hate as its fuel, little light that grows every second when my body gains more and more energy. I can walk through this hell, I won't surrender. This is a new beginning, I will be reborn and I will be the greatest challenge for the invincible warrior princess.

After weeks of pain and frustration the lands of China appear to the horizon. Almost everybody was happy because being in the ship so long without a flash of land was hard for those who weren't use to it. From Gabrielle's perspective it looked bad. Her body was healed pretty well but there was that stupid face injury. It was still in very bad shape. It was over a month from the incident but she was still not able to use her right eye. Luckily there was a hope. Swelling was eased a little bit that much that I had been seen that the eye wasn't damaged. She was able to use that eye but she had to push her swollen skin out of the way first. That was painful so she decided to wait. She was still badly wounded, not able to walk or use her arms.

She was ready to talk but she didn't want to do that in the ship. When she heard that the port was near she made the decision to talk about the incident not until they've exit the ship. T'ing had told her earlier that he will take Gabrielle to his friend. This friend is one of the greatest healers in China and T'ing was sure that he knows who to heal her face. Only minus was that I would take days of travelling before they would reach this great healer. She accepts it and so she knew that there would be a lot time to explain things to T'ing Mai. He earned to know what had happened to Gabrielle because at the moment Gabrielle owned her entire life for this gentle helped she had. He deserved to hear the truth.

It took two more days to reach the port. After dozens of good byes T'ing Mai set Gabrielle to the stretcher and forced his horse to take the road. It was a new adventure for Gabrielle. There was a road, road to unknown, road to salvation as Gabrielle later called it.

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><p>I hope you liked this more is coming as soon as possible.. Please give me some feedback, I love you guys!<p> 


	4. Road to unknown

**Chapter 4 – Road to unknown**

"Thank you"

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"I said thank you T'ing Mai. I know I've been a horrible patient. I'm very grateful of all you've done for me. I'm just… It was just easier to be quiet and think. I… I'm sorry; I should have talk to you earlier. I own that to you. You saved my life."

"It's wonderful to hear your voice again Gabrielle. I understand you, I don't know what happened to you but I know that you need time to think and it's wonderful that you took the next step in your healing process by starting to talk. If you need, you can tell me everything but I'm not pushing you. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Gabrielle was quiet for a few minutes. T'ing Mai sighed heavily. He hoped that he didn't push Gabrielle back to her silence.

"I don't know." She said quietly. "I mean of course I can remember what happened but it's very hard for me to even think about it. I guess I'm not ready to talk about it yet. Maybe someday…"

T'ing Mai was relieved. At least she spoke.

"Take your time. Like I said, if you don't want to, you don't have to. Um, I have to ask this, who are you feeling? Is everything okay?"

"Well, I'm fine thanks to you. Of course there is a lot pain but I can handle it. I could say I've been used to it."

There was a big moment of silence. Gabrielle didn't know what to say. She wanted to talk about it. It was like a big tumor inside her head. She wanted it away but she wasn't ready for to the surgery. She knew talking would help her but she was afraid. She didn't want that pain which came when she thought about Xena and everything what had happened before the fall.

"Well, I guess I should tell you more about our destination." Gabrielle returned from her thoughts and stared T'ing Mai. "Gabrielle I…, I hope you won't shock but I'm not able to heal your face. It's just too deep and, and I don't know what made it, I mean… it looks like the wound is infected by some poison or something like that… anyway, um… Wait, wait don't look me like that. I think I know a man who can maybe heal it. His is the best healer in the world. I mean at least the best in China. The journey to meet him will take days but… but he's the best and if someone can heal your wound it's him. Unfortunately he lives deep in the mountains so it means that you have to make a long journey here in my country. I don't know if you've ever been here before but… You know it's only for your health."

He sight after a long sentence in Greek. His native tongue was Chinese so it was very difficult to him to speak Greek. He tried to read Gabrielle's face for any advice what she was thinking. There was again a long silence before Gabrielle opened her mouth.

"Thank you. I don't care where I have to go, I just want to heal. What comes to this land, I've been here once before. I could tell you about it later. I'm just so grateful that you are helping me. It's very kind, you don't even know me."

We traveled through the countryside. The landscape was magnificent. At the beginning it was strange to travel in a stretcher but I used to it very quickly. T'ing Mai is very awesome man. He had told me stories about this country. I also love the food. It's very much different here than in Greek. The only problem is that I don't understand the language. T'ing Mai do speak Greek pretty good but I would like to speak with him with his own language. I've been thinking I should tell him. I should tell him about Xena and those events. I can control myself. I can deal my anger.

Xena made a big mistake when she just threw me down from there. I will study somewhere. I have to learn to fight and kill like she does. I need to train myself so I can beat her. I understand now what it feels to hate someone so deeply. I can now understand Xena's feeling about Cortez and Calisto's feeling about Xena as well, strange how simple hate is. I won't make any mistakes anymore. After I'm back in function I will practice and then I will defeat her.

"Have you ever heard about Xena the warrior princess?" Gabrielle asked suddenly without warning. It was the third day of travelling through the Chinese countryside.

"Sorry I wasn't awake. What did you said?"

"Xena the warrior princess or the destroyer of the nations, she got many names. Have you ever heard about her?"

"Xena the warrior princess? Of course I have heard about her. She is very popular here in China. She has become one of our great heroes after she killed that monster Ming Tieng."

"She didn't kill him. She said she left him alive."

"No, she finished the job by killing him. That monster is dead. Why are you asking about her? Do you know her?"

"Um, yes I know her and I just learned that she has lied to me once again. Great, it's just what I thought she would do. She is lying for me all the time." Gabrielle sight. The anger pushed up once again. She was rather talking to herself that to T'ing Mai.

"You want me to send a note for her. To tell that you are here? I mean if she is your friend she would be worried about you."

"NO! I mean don't. I think it's time to talk about my situation; I just can't keep it inside my head anymore. It's making me insane."

"Are you talking about what happened to you, how you hurt yourself?"

"Yes. I hope you could listen to me. This won't be easy for me."

"Wait just a minute. It's easier to sit down and talk face to face. I mean you have to lie there but… you know… I don't want you to talk me about this while I'm riding. I can see it's not easy for you so we should stop. There is a nice camping area not far from here. I you can just wait few more minutes…" T'ing Mai said. When they reached the camp he made a quick fire and sat down. He smiled and gazed Gabrielle. He was ready to listen.

"Well, you know Xena so I don't have to tell you so much about her before I begin. She is a warrior and she was my best friend. I told you earlier that I've been here in Chin once before. It happened when Xena defeat Ming Tieng. I was here with her. Okay, she told me that she didn't kill Ming Tieng but deep inside me I knew she did. Anyway, we've known each other for many seasons and I thought nothing could ever come between us. I was wrong." She made a deep sight before she continued. "Everything started in Britannia…"

She spoke hours. She told everything. She began with the events in Britannia, she told about Dahak, Hope, Calisto, Solan and eventually about the events in the Amazon village. She described her feeling about funeral fires, about the anger and hate she now carried against Xena. The last part of the story, the "fight" against Xena was the hardest one. Her voice cracked when she spoke about the fall.

"…next thing what I remember is when I woke up in the ship. I guess you remember better that I what happened after that." Gabrielle sight and gazed the stars. She hadn't even realized how long she had talked. It felt good, all the pain and the weight she had carried had gone. She felt very peaceful when she looked back to T'ing Mai's eyes. He was sunken into his thoughts. It took minutes before he talked.

"I didn't realize. I'm sorry; I can just imagine what you've been experienced. I'm sorry about everything. Thank you; I understand how much it took from you to push it out. I'm very proud of you."  
>"No, I'm then one who should thank you. Thank you, you listened me for hours. I'm a… a… well, it feels a lot better now. Thank you."<p>

"I would not want to change the subject but I guess I have to, for a little moment… We haven't eaten for hours. Are you hungry because I am a little bit, you know… hungry. I mean I don't want to interrupt but…"

"It's okay and yes. I'm starving!"

"Okay. We can more about your… you know… after we've eaten something."

"Thank you once again T'ing Mai. You're a good man and your hearth is pure gold!"

_End of part 4._

Thank you from your reviews. I will take Xena back to this story soon but not just yet. I'm trying to update as soon as possible.


	5. Down from the Light

**Chapter 5 - Down from the Light**

"So, who is this man who can help me?" Gabrielle asked. It was the morning of their fourth day of travel.

"He is a master who lives deep inside the mountains. I mean not inside the mountain but... well you know. I'm not so good with these little details of your language. I hope you understand me."

"Yes I understand. So, he lives somewhere between those mountains?"

"Yes, something like that… Anyway, there is a martial art training school not so far from his hut. That is where I live. We will stay there for a night, master doesn't like surprise guests."

"Martial arts…, I didn't realize you're a warrior."

"That's because I'm not a warrior. You can also study medication, languages and that kind of stuff in the academy. It's called for martial art school but it doesn't mean that it is the only thing you can do in there."

"So you study medication?"

"That's right but I have to admit that yes, I've studied martial arts a bit too."

"I knew it! Are you some kind of samurai or something like that?"

"There's no samurai's in Chin. Samurais are in Japan not here."

"What is Japan?"

"Eh…, it's a country next to Chin. Okay, not a country but an island. Like Greek and Rome; next to each other but still different countries."

"Oh, I've never heard about it. Japan."

"It's funny that you knew samurais but not Japan."

"Well, you can't know everything. It's like, well. I guess you know what hoplite is but do you know where they come from?"

"Ah yes, I've heard about hoplites. Aren't they coming from Gaul? Or was it from Rome I'm not sure."

"No, hoplites come from Greek."

"Okay, you showed me your point. You can't know everything."

-.-

It took only few hours to reach the academy. The academy itself was a huge building. Not as big as regular fortress but at least as big as a large temple with an extra wing. The yard around the house was big and there was groups of people doing different thing outside the house. Group of white-dressed men doing were doing kind of training exercises. Gabrielle was also able to see some kids playing something together in a middle of a beautiful field. It was one of the greatest landscapes she had ever seen.

"This is the temple, I mean academy?" Gabrielle asked. This place looked like she would love to live in here.

"Yup, this is it." T'ing Mai answered. Few men from the group of white-dressed walked to their directions. Gabrielle closed her mind when T'ing Mai began his conversation with those men. They spoke Chin so Gabrielle had no idea had what they said. It was obvious that they talked about her. She noticed that one of the men left the group and walked to somewhere Gabrielle was not able to see.

More people gather around them. Dozens of Chinese words were said before Gabrielle noticed that someone knocked her shoulder. There was a little girl, maybe five or six years old. She said something to her. Chinese words again. "Hello there", Gabrielle said to her and tried to wave. Bad idea. She was able to feel the instant pain on her shoulder and the girl got the wind up and ran away. Ah, perfect beginning.

Next thing she noticed was when she was lifted up. Three or four men carried her to the house. It was dark inside there. Gabrielle was able to notice T'ing Mai's voice behind her. Men carried her to a bright room; one of the walls was like a huge window. She was carefully placed to the bed and that was the place where she found herself hours later.

-.-

When Gabrielle woke up it was dark outside. She couldn't see anything and because of the condition her body was she couldn't move anything besides her head. "Ah this is so great! Why do I have to be the invalid one?" She had to say it aloud because as much she loved to be alive she hated her body and the endless pain.

"Good morning Gabrielle! Or should I say good evening? You've been sleeping for a quite long time my dear." Gabrielle winced. She hadn't realized that there was someone with her in the room and she didn't like the idea that that some had just called her for dear.

"Who's there?" Her voice sounded so quiet in the dark room.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you Gabrielle. You've been sleeping for hours. I was just worried." It was T'ing who was talking. Gabrielle let her muscles to relax. There was no reason to be tensed.

"Oh it's you. Um I was just so tired. When I felt a real bed under my back I just let my body to take control."

"Hey, you don't have to explain me anything. I can imagine how awkward it feels to lay in a stretcher behind the horse for days."

"Well, if my body wouldn't be so much in pain I would complain but at this condition I don't care so much about my aching back." It was funny to say it aloud. Normally I am the one who is complaining about every little scratch but today I didn't even notice the pain which has covered my body.

"We sent a messenger to Pong Ni but the messenger hasn't returned yet. Usually it takes about five to six hours to reach his cabin and about another five to six hours to return. I guess he will be back with the answer by tomorrow morning. You can go back to sleep if you want. I will tell everybody that they are not allowed to come here to interrupt you. Of course if you want and if you have strength you can come to our main hall. We will have a kind of fest tonight so if you want we can underpin your body to the chair or some kind of bed if you want to party with us. I bet everybody in here wants to hear more about you but if you don't want you can stay here and sleep. It's up to you."

"You've been very kind for me T'ing Mai. I own my life to you. I don't understand why you want to help me so much; I mean you don't even know and yet you want to help me. It's very impressive. I thank you ones again but I know those two little words won't set off the debt I own to you."

"Gabrielle, you own me nothing. I want to help you because that is my nature. I dragged you to hear in the middle of nothing from Greek. In the beginning I didn't even asked from you weather you wanted it or not. I'm a healer. Every sick person I meet during my journeys is a person I want to help. I know I have the skill to do that so why shouldn't I use it?"

"It's rare you know. You are not selfish like most of the people I've met in my life. Everybody doesn't think like you but I guess you already knew that didn't you?"

"Every kind word you say to me is a huge thank you from you. You may not see it but I see and it's the biggest credit you can give for me."

"Thank you, T'ing Mai. I respect you a lot." There was a long moment of silence.

"Pong Ni, I recognize that name from somewhere but I don't remember where. You were talking about him, who is he?" Gabrielle asked after a while.

"His is the man who I've been talking about, the one who can help you. I will tell you more about him when the time is right but now is not that time. Just remember that he's the one who can help you."

"So you talked something about some fest. I like to come but I guess I need an interpreter. I don't understand the language." Gabrielle would have wanted to talk more about this Pong Ni but she saw from T'ing Mai's eyes that today was not right day for that conversation. The best idea was to change the subject. She will continue that subject when the time is right.

"Ah, yes the party. Of course you will have an interpreter. A few of us speaks pretty fluent Greek. I guess you will find people to talk with your own language. I will try to help you as much as possible but I have been gone for weeks. There may be moments that I'm in a deep conversation with someone that I won't be able to be your voice but I try my best."

"Hey, you've done so much for me. You don't have to babysit me every second."

"I know but the fact is that because of me you're here so my job is to take care of you."

"Okay, I won't argue with you. You won but I tell you this. Normally I won't give up this easily."

T'ing Mai laugh for me. "I will remember." It felt strange. It was like there would have been more than just kindness in his voice. I'm not sure what to think because the way he treats me is so much like Xena used to she I was damaged.

The idea of Xena made my blood to boil. All through I loved her deep inside me the memory of her made me angry and frustrated. The idea of revenge popped back to head instantly when I saw her face in my mind. I forgot T'ing Mai and the place where I was. Only thing I had in my mind was revenge. Now I was one step closer to that action. I was in a place where I could easily get some practice. She will not realize what hits her before it's too late. It feels good to be angry. I never understood before that hate could feel good. I never understood what it is like to hate someone so deeply. I do hate Calisto but like that. She killed my husband yes but her actions were not met to hurt me. Okay they were met to hurt me but the main idea was to hurt Xena.

Xena's hate for Cortez had maybe been something like I felt right now. I had always judged it but now I understand her and it don't feel so bad anymore. The idea of revenge keeps me going on and gives me the power to overtake thing I never thought you could. The pain is one of those things. It is like a buzz behind everything. It don't feel so bad anymore although it is still there.

It is just strange to think about Xena. Like I said I do love her somewhere deep inside me but the anger and hate is so much bigger force than that tiny love I still carry inside. I hate that woman truly; she destroyed my life by doing that unforgivable action. It's just so funny to think what she is doing now somewhere back in Greece. Is she happy now when she was able to get rid of me. I saw it on her eyes; true hate. She has no feeling for me anymore. If she would see me again she would kill me, I know that and because of that I have to stay here in China for a while after I'm healed. It's only way to survive that long that I'm able to perform my revenge.

-.-

**Weeks before in Greece **

Xena stared to the sky. She was lonely and haunted by her thoughts. The pain which was inside her was awful. She truly hated herself with a reason because had done an unforgivable act. Her mind was like a huge messy pile of dirty clothes. She had no idea what to do or what to think.

What have I done? I'm not worth of living. I channeled my rage to the person I love the most in my life. My soul is literally in hundred pieces and the only person who could possibly help me is dead, dead because of me, dead because I killed her. I can't even think those words, that day. Denying everything is not the solution but I'm not strong enough to think about it. I have no idea what to do now. When she is dead it feels like a big part of my soul has died; I never realize that she means so much for me.

Three days. Three days I was happy that she died. I hate those days. I was an evil bitch, the bitch I used to be before she came to my life and cleaned my soul. Ares was able to manipulate me thought my inner pain. I will never forgive this to myself. I have no idea how to move on, I'm not even sure if I'm able to. I don't know where to start. Amazons won't let me walk in their territory. Because of all I've done for them in the past they won't come after me but if I ever enter to their areas it means determinate dead for me. I killed their queen. I can't believe I did it but I did.

The hardest part is to watch her belongings. I had her scrolls and her bag in Argo's saddlebags on that day. Everything else is still in the Amazon village and there is no change I would be able to pick them up from there. So, the scrolls are the only memories I have. Her weapon and her outfit are on the Amazon village. Ephany would not let me see those things ever in my life again. I understand her and her people. Those items are a great memory of her, memory of their great queen.

I've read all the scrolls time after time on the past two days. In the stories I was always a hero and it hurts a lot to read them because of that. I'm not hero, not anymore. Always when I'm thinking these things, memories of her fills my head; her face, her smile, everything is there hurting my soul. I'm not sure if it's good or bad thing. I'm not so good with these emotional things.

The most annoying thing is that I deeply loved her. I loved her more than just as a friend. I was never able to tell that to her, I was too afraid. Now she is gone and I will never be able to tell her my feelings. That hurts more than anything else.

I decided to go home. It is the only place I feel save at the moment. I have to speak to someone and my mother is only one expect Gabr… expect her who I could talk with about this thing. My soul is ripped in to pieces and mother is only one who can help me to process this. As much as it hurts me I have to move on and face that demon inside me. The demon who took control and killed my best friend. There only one person I can blame is me.

I can't control my thoughts. Everything is messed up. I'm angry to myself and still I blame some demon. I'm the demon. Not some godly power but me. Okay, I can blame Ares a bit as well. He was there, he whispered thing to my ear. He made me to revenge. Still, I'm the guilty one. Not Ares but I.

I've been travelling on my own for days now. It feel strange, it's so quiet when she is not here talking constantly. It will take a few more days to reach Amphipolis. I guess I will stay there for a while. I hope I can help my soul at home because it's the only solution I can get to my mind.

-.-

End of part 5


	6. Damaged soul which heals itself

**Chapter 6 – Damaged soul which heals itself**

The Party was okay. I sat on the chair most of the time. It felt funny and a bit painful to be sitting again. It's been weeks since I sat last time. There was also a lot of interesting people I would like to know better. The language was not so big problem as I thought it would be. Many of them spoke very fluent Greek and those who didn't speak Greek asked someone to interpret. I told them something about myself. Not everything but some parts.

I told I'm a bard for a little village far back in Greece. I told about my family and Greece as a country. They asked me a lot about what had happened to me but I told them I'm not ready to talk about it. People in here are so kind for me; they don't even know me and still they all want to help me.

The food tasted funny; not like anything I've tasted back in home. It was weird to watch peoples around me eating only with two sticks. Of course, I was not able to use my hands so they had to feed me. It feels very discreditable but I know that at the moment I need help more than ever in my life.

After hours and hours of celebrating T'ing Mai's return they carried me back to my room to sleep. I won't be long to sunrise so I should get some sleep. If I understood right I will have to spend hours of travelling thought the mountain to reach this Pong Ni's hut. I know that name from somewhere but I can't connect it to anywhere. What I understood today he is very valued man who knows everything about everything. I suspect that but I'm looking forward to meet him.

-.-

When I woke up the whole room was full of light. There were three men inside the room with me. One of them was T'ing Mai but I haven't seen those two others before. Another of them was quite young, maybe 20 years old. His face was pale compared to the others. He had Chinese styled brown eyes and back hair. He was just like an average Chin man could be. The other man was very old. He had white hair with a big bun in a middle of his head. He also had a funny looking goatee and both his sideburns and eyebrows were overgrown centuries ago. His brown eyes looked wise but my first opinion was that he looked odd, maybe a bit funny instead.

I blinked my eye few times before I was totally aware. Those were still there looking me very seriously. I took few more blinks before my head stared to function.

"Eh, hello there!" That was stupid phrase but the best what I was able to produce.

"Morning Gabrielle. It good that you're awake. I was just going to wake you. Here are people I want to introduce for you."

"Okay, I'm not in my best shape but I guess I can take that." The younger man smiled slightly. I guess that he understood my language.

"This is Cheng. He's one of our oldest medication students. I don't want to display you as a mission but I think it's good for him to be here and see if something good happens to you." Young man nod. He seemed a bit nervous but I didn't let that bother me.

"Hello! Nice to meet you Cheng."

"Yes, nice to meet you, Gabrielle."

"And this other man is the reason I dragged you here. May I introduce you one of the wisest man in the world. He is Pong Ni." The old man nodded. I watched his face again. So this was the great man everybody is talking about.

"It's pleasant to meet you sir."

"Ah, don't call me sir young one. T'ing Mai here told me all about you. I can see that you need my help to heal my but I can be proud of my student. He has made excellent job with your bruises." His voice was calm and the accent sound funny, just like everything in this man.

"It's a great honor to be help by you master Pong Ni."

And so began my second part of the healing process. Pong Ni used hours to study my body. Some of the bones were already healed and he put me to move those. I hadn't even realized that my fingers were okay now. I was able to move every finger although it took a while to find the way to move them. He left the face to last to examine. He muttered something when he touched my face wound. It hurt a bit but I managed to be quiet. Cheng was behind him whole the time he process my body. Pong Ni was the grand master. His working methods were good school for the younger man whose eyes were glowing when he was able to watch his master working.

Pong Ni said something for Cheng in China and the boy left the room. I wanted to ask what he just said but I had to concentrate all my will power to be quiet. My mouth wanted to scream when his hands examine my right eye. He moved the swollen skin to get a better look.

"You were lucky." He said. "Your right eye is not damaged. It will function just like it used to. What comes to your face, which is the biggest problem, I'm able to heal it. There will be a scar and your face is going to look a bit different than it used to but it will heal. Cheng went to get some herbs which I'm going to put in to your face injury. It's going to hurt a bit but eventuate you won't remember the pain."

It was so revealing to hear those words. Okay I knew this man would be able to heal me but hearing him telling that to me aloud made me feel better than ever after the accident.

-.-

There is no much to say about the days after Pong Ni's arrival. I've been sleeping a lot. He had to break my arm again because it was not in the right ankle. It was a little bit painful I it was nothing I wouldn't take. I can feel that my big face injury has started to heal; the nasty smelling stuff has made miraculous. I can now use my both eyes which is very rewarding. I can also move my arm from the shoulder but the rest is still under the bandage so I can't move anything under my elbow. I've also been talking with Pong Ni little bit. Not about the accident but about life and philosophy. His ideas of world are pretty much like mine used to be. He also knows a lot about stories and old legends; it's nice to listen him telling different kind of stories from Chin' history. His visions are very interesting and I like that. It's nice to meet new different kind of people. If I'm going to say here I need to be friendly for other people.

What comes to other people who lives here they have been very kind for me. Most of the people call me for Gabi Shi. I guess it's easy for them to call me that than use my long and difficult name. It's okay. Part of me likes to get rid of the name Gabrielle. It's like a new beginning for me as a girl called Gabi Shi. I've spent hours of my days just talking with other people. Usually my day has started with some medical treatment by Pong Ni or Cheng. Then someone has carried me to the main hall and there I've been sitting watching people do their duties or just talked with someone. Normally there is always someone who can help me with the language problem. I've learn a few words of Chin. I would like to learn to speak it but I know it's hard. That won't stop me but it will take some time.

Six days after Pong Ni's arrival T'ing Mai told me that Pong Ni will return back to his hut very soon. I could go with him if I wanted and of course I wanted. Only moments earlier I had figured out why his name was so familiar. People are talking about his achievements so much that eventually I remembered him. Pong Ni is a legend here in Chin. Xena told me about him when we were here together fighting against Ming Tien and that's where I remember him. She said something like 'Somewhere in this country lives a legend called Pong Ni. He is the master of every kind of martial arts; he's one the most powerful man in the world. I've always wanted to meet him but nobody knows where he lives. Lao Ma told me about him. He was her mentor ones. He taught lot of powerful things to her, I never stopped looking for him; I'm like a baby compared to his skills for example of using pressure points and medication knowledge.'

I guess Xena would be very jealous if she would have any idea where I am at the moment. I can learn a lot of different things for this legend and use them against her. Only thing I have to do is to hide my true goal which is revenge. I can't write this down. I wish I could but instead I have to push this deep inside my head so when my hands are capable of holding quill I remember everything.

-.-

Eleven days after Pong Ni's arrival everything was ready for Gabrielle's next journey. She was again in the sledding tightly bound by ropes so she would not fall. It was going to be a tough trip because the so called road is very rocky and hard to travel. There was a lot of people watching and saying good bye to both Gabrielle and Pong Ni. T'ing Mai, Cheng or anybody else were not coming with them so it was only Pong Ni and Gabrielle leaving the academy.

"It is good to see that you are fine. I can tell you on behalf of the whole inhabitant of our community that we are happy to see you getting better day by day. Be strong Gabishi."

"Good Bye Gabrielle. May the light be with you wherever you go. We will meet again when you're ready to return from the mountains. Don't rush with it let the master do his job. You will be making back flips sooner than you can ever imagine." There was a sad smile in his face. "Be strong Xiàjiàng, be strong." Gabrielle stared T'ing Mai's sad face. Saying Goodbye has never been easy for her and she had truly stared to care about this man.

"This is not final T'ing Mai you know that. Don't be sad, will meet again I promise. You've been very kind for me like I've said time after time. I own my life to you but now I want you to relax for a while. I will be just fine with Pong Ni."

"Your right like almost every time you open your mouth. Farewell Gabrielle!" T'ing Mai told her again and gave her a friendly smile. Gabrielle smiled for him before she closed her eyes. Tiers were coming and she was fighting against them. Pong Ni understood her body language and encouraged the horse to trot. "To the next sunrise!" He yelled.

-.-

Gabrielle slept almost entire journey. It was a miracle that she was able to sleep while the rocks poked her back continually. She woke up when there was less than half candle mark left of the journey. "Where are we? Is there still long way to go?" She was a bit confused. The sky was darker than the sky she had seen when they rode off from the academy. It was clear that she had slept for a while but for how long, she had no idea.

"Not so much anymore we are almost there. You've been sleeping quite long; I'm impressed of your skills of sleeping."

"Well, you're not the first one telling that for me. I'm very good sleeper and even better eater." Gabrielle laughed. It was good to laugh. It was like a big lump of clay had just dropped off from the painful stack of shit she carried on her hearth. "Well, here in my mountain is not some much food for you. You will get just as much as you need but then we have to make trips to academy to get more and when you get your legs back in function I know who is going to walk down to get some." They both laughed but for Gabrielle the sentence sounded weird. 'After you get your legs back' that met that he hoped her to stay a bit longer didn't it. She wasn't sure about it. Maybe she just imagined everything.

-.-

It took less than a half candle mark to reach the hut. It was a little hut that was clear. It was only about two times bigger than the room Gabrielle had stayed in the academy. The walls were dark wood as well as the roof. Outside there was a little garden and old bench. She couldn't see if there was something else behind the hut but the place looked very ascetic. It was not a bad thing actually Gabrielle liked it very much.

"You have a cozy house." She really met that. She had always little houses with a nice backyard.

"Ah thank you and yet you have just seen the outside. Let me help you to get you inside. I guess my house is very much different than you have used to." He gave her a slight smile while he guided the horse next to the door. "This won't be easy but somehow we will get you inside. I'm a bit old you know. I don't have that strength I used to have." Well, it was true. He was very careful with his patients almost healed bones. It would be very painful if some of those would break again while he was moving her to inside.

-.-

The first signs of autumn had filled the sky. It was cold and rainy every day. Fields were empty because everything was already collected. Xena raised her gaze to the stars. She had stayed in Amphipolis over three months. It was the first time in over 10 years that she had been in Amphipolis over a week. She was lonely and lost. This was the only place she knew she wouldn't be hated so much. It didn't help much because she hated herself more than anybody could hate her. She hadn't touched her weapons after she dumped them to her room three months ago. There was no content on her life anymore. She didn't want to fight or ride with Argo. Overall she didn't want to do anything she had used to like.

Her mother was concerned but she knew too well what was in Xena's heart and she was mad about it, so she didn't say anything. As much as Cyrene would have liked to yell at Xena she knew it was pointless. Her daughter's body language told her that she was torturing herself more than she deserved. She knew Xena was not ready to talk about it so she let her to confront her pain alone. When the time was right and Xena was ready she would help her to get over the hardest part.

Cyrene knew too well that Xena's way to deal with her feelings was different compared to everybody else. She was not willing to talk anybody about her problems. She had told to her mother that Gabrielle was dead because of her and Solan was dead because of Gabrielle. She had also told some details about the events before those deaths but mostly she kept her feelings inside. Cyrene had been able to squeeze some details and feelings out from her daughter but it hadn't helped Xena much. Unlike Gabrielle she couldn't process her feeling with other people. Gabrielle had been the only one Xena had ever been able to talk with things like this.

Xena spent her days helping her mother at the inn like she had used to when she was young. When she hadn't anything to do she went up to the hills, sat down to the fallen log and dived to her thoughts. She thought about the last few years with Gabrielle and the dark ten years before that. This was the first time when she was truly able to process through all her memories.

She lost her grip to her thoughts when she felt something familiar, like a presence of someone. "What do you want?" She asked coldly when Ares materialized behind her. "It's nice to see you too Xena." He answered and walked in front of the warrior. "What do want from me Ares?" She asked again. She was not in the mood right now. "Oh do I always have to need something?" He asked sarcastically. "As a matter of fact yes you always want something from me. Usually you try to get me back to your side but sometimes it is even more ridiculous." Her tone was glacial. "Oh come on Xena I'm not that bad. I only came to cheer you up a little bit. You know I hate to see you so unbalanced." He tried to catch her eye contact but Xena kept her gaze at the sky. "Oh really? Like you care what I feel. All you care about is yourself and that is a fact." She didn't look at Ares because she remembered too well how stupid his face looked like. "That is not nice. You should still remember that I'm the god here not you."

"Go away Ares." Her answer was cold. "Because of you I'm standing here above my hometown sinking myself to my sorrows. If you wouldn't come to see me after my son died I would have handled the situation better than I did." She finally took an eye contact to Ares. "And yet you dare to come here telling me that you want to help me. You are so pathetic Ares but you can't see it yourself, can you?" She felt the anger bubbling inside her. "Oh come on Xena. What you did, you did willingly. I only helped you to understand what was necessary. It all came from you." She laughed sarcastically. "You mean killing her was necessary? You make me sick. She was everything I have. She was my source of energy and light. You think killing her is good for me? I can't imagine what you are thinking when you are saying it was necessary!"

"Xena, Xena, Xena. You can't see it but I can. Gabrielle was blocking your strength nor sourcing them. You won't die without her. You still have your strength and you know that. You can honor her memory by moving on. This thing you are doing, just being here doing nothing, is not healthy for you. You may not believe me but I care about you. I don't want to see you suffering. I want you to stand up and live ones again." Xena turned around and walked away. "Ares", she said. "I can't just walk away from her. She was everything for me. Without her I don't see a reason to life anymore." Xena's voice was only a whisper. "No, Xena, no! Don't even think about suicide. Bad thinks happens you have to move on. I don't often take apart in this kind of conversations but now you are forcing me to interrupt. I can't give the blond back but I can take care of you. You ones were my chosen and you still are. Just make your decision and come back to my side. I can give you everything you need. Just don't make the choices you are planning."

Xena kept walking away from him. "Dear Ares. I will never do a suicide that is not my style. In addition I won't ever join you and you know that almost too well. I can't understand why you keep trying because you know it is impossible. I'm saying this to you only one more time. Go away bulling someone else!"

End of part 6


	7. Roses, candles and violin music

_**Chapter 7 – Roses, Candles and Violin Music**_

Joxer gazed the ceiling above him and thought about the last months of his life. It had taken weeks to find out what had happened to Gabrielle after Xena dragged her away from the Amazon village. He had stayed with the amazons for a couple of weeks after the day he had seen Gabrielle last time. The amazon scouts had finally, after weeks of extermination, confirmed the fact most of the tribe had already guessed. The dragging marks had led to the cliff about ten miles from the village. The scouts had told that Xena had likely thrown Gabrielle's body down to the rocky surface of the see. There were dragging to the cliff but not away from it. For Gabrielle's tribe it was hard to admit that the amazon queen had passed away. It was not usual for amazons to make a funeral fire without body but this time they had had to make an exception. The funeral of Gabrielle had taken over a week. There were millions of different traditions to help the queen to the next side. After a week of sorrow amazons had had a small-scale celebration party for the new Queen, which was, honoring Gabrielle's wishes her former regent, Ephany.

Soon after the nomination of Ephany, Joxer had decided to leave from the Amazon lands. He had traveled across the countryside without real destination for weeks. He told people who he met about Gabrielle's dead. Many of their friends, for example princess Diana and Autolycus the king of thieves, were very sad about the news. Some collapsed just like Joxer, some cried, some yelled but nobody believed him when he told who killed the lovely bard. Xena was cursed, blamed and hated by many of her former friends. Soon every bard and storyteller knew about Gabrielle's dead and it spread to everybody's lips. Gabrielle had been very highly considered by every bard in Greece. Even the academy of bards in Athens knew her and respected her. Her stories became, ones again, very popular very where in Greece, all of them expect the ones were Xena was the hero.

After weeks of travel Joxer ended up to the same village with Hercules and Iolaus. It was hard for him because the news of Gabrielle's dead were not reached their ears yet. He thought it would have reached them because almost everybody knew about it.

-.-

Joxer sat on the tavern with a huge tankard of Ale in front of him. There was a bard at the stage telling stories of heroes and their great battles against the great evil but Joxer was not listening him at all. He was again thinking about Gabrielle and his feeling towards her. He hoped that Gabrielle would hear his thoughts and his love which he had never been able to tell her before it had been too late. He was so focused to the picture of Gabrielle's face in his mind that he didn't noticed the hero couple opposite his table smiling to him. "Hello Joxer!" Iolaus broke the silence and Joxer returned to the reality. "He… Hello Iolaus, Hercules", he said and tried to smile a bit. "What are you doing here, would you like to sit down?" Iolaus took a seat while Hercules went to buy drinks for Iolaus and himself. He smiled and whistled some happy melody.

"You look sad my friend, did Gabrielle turn you down again?" Hercules asked from his clumsy friend when he returned with two huge tankards of ale. "I'm sure she has feeling for you, you just have to move on step by step. Don't take too large leaps at the beginning." Iolaus continued when Joxer started to cry again. "It's not that", he was able to say between his sobs. Iolaus turned to look at Hercules who already stared his best friend with a question mark in his eyes. "What is it then?" Hercules asked when Joxer had calmed down a bit. They both know how deeply Joxer loved Gabrielle and most of the time when they met him he was constantly waffling about the lovely bard. Iolaus hated the subject because he had also crushed on her. "It's… You haven't heard about it?" Joxer's voice was quiet, almost a whisper. "No, we haven't heard about anything abnormal, have we?" Iolaus answered. Something had absolutely happened. Joxer was totally broken-hearted. "It's about Gabrielle…" Hercules put his hand to Joxer's shoulder. "Is she okay Joxer, is Xena and Gabrielle okay?" He knew the answer before Joxer said anything. The pain was all over his face. "No…" he whispered "Don't say it Joxer, tell me they are okay, please!" It was not common to see Hercules begging something. "She is dead…" Joxer was able to say before he collapsed again.

Neither Hercules nor Iolaus was able to say anything. They knew who he met. "Do you know what happened? Did they both…?" Iolaus cut his question when he saw Joxer's murderous gaze. Something terrible had happened. Iolaus couldn't believe that Gabrielle, or both Xena and Gabrielle, had passed away. It was just impossible, it couldn't happen. "Take your time buddy. Tell us when you are ready. You don't have to if you are not ready." Hercules' tone was dark; Iolaus knew that his best friend couldn't believe it either.

After a few tankards and gallons of tiers Joxer was able to continue. "It all began from the Britannia. I wasn't there when it happened. I wish I would have but I haven't. They were there, Xena and Gabby, because of Xena's hate for Cesar. There was a god of darkness called Dahok. When Xena was fighting against Cesar Gabrielle ended up to the temple of Dahok. She lost her blood- innocence when a servant of Dahok tried to kill her or was it her friend I don't remember. Gabrielle was scared and then… then he came, Dahok. Gabrielle never told me directly about it but that god, Dahok, raped her. Eventually Xena killed this god of darkness but Gabrielle was not well. She was tortured by nightmares and so on, it was horrible. I was not there, but this is what she told me. After those events they noticed that Gabby was pregnant. It was not natural, it took only days, not months. Xena wanted to kill that baby girl, Hope as Gabrielle named her. They had some kind of fight about it and Gabrielle won, the baby stayed alive. Then that monster baby killed a man only few hours after she was born. Although it was Dahok's child and that she killed a man Gabrielle loved her more than anything. She ran away from Xena. They had a long cat and mouse but eventually Xena got too close. Gabby hid the baby to the basket and pushed her to the river. She was later found by the amazons but it will come later. Gabrielle was able to convince Xena that Hope fall to the rocks and died. They were happy and continued their life but the shadow of the events followed behind them and it was the biggest mistake they did. Like I said, Gabrielle was able to make Hope survive. When she was found by the amazons, she looked like about seven years old, although she was only weeks old. Her mission was to prepare the world for Dahok's return. She summoned Callisto to help her. She was evil and cruel from the top to the bottom. When Xena and Gabby ended up to the amazon's village most of the centaurs was also there. I hate to say but again, I wasn't there when the conflict began. It's not easy to describe what happen because I wasn't there and nobody has really explained what happened in those few days. Gabrielle found out who Hope really was but she didn't tell Xena. Xena found out too late and, with Callisto's help, Hope killed Solan, Xena's son. Later Gabrielle poisoned Hope so she died as well. Ephany, the latest queen of amazons told me that after the funeral of their children they walked away from each other, Xena left from the village and Gabrielle stayed but she was only a shell of the woman we knew. She went to the purifying ritual and there she was when I reached the amazons.

At the third day of staying in the sauna I decided to take her out from there. At the same time I came out from the ritual hut Xena returned. She had decided to revenge Solan's dead and her primary target was Gabrielle. She walked through the amazons almost too easily. She grabbed Gabrielle and… and she took her away from me. The last thing I saw was Gabrielle hanging behind the horse tied strictly from her ankles. She dragged her over ten miles behind her horse to the cliffs near the sea. I haven't seen Xena after that but the amazon scouts said that she probably threw Gabrielle's body down to the sea. There was a blood trail to the cliff but not away from there. I… I haven't been there myself, I'm not sure if I'm ever ready to go there but… but… she is gone, dead…" Joxer sobbed loudly and finished his story.

There was a heavy silence between the three men. Neither Hercules nor Iolaus was able to say anything. They tried to process the story they had just heard but it was hard to understand the meaning of consequences of the events. "So you say Xena killed Gabrielle because Gabrielle's child killed Xena's child?" Iolaus was able to whisper after a while. "No! I'm saying Xena murdered Gabrielle because she arrogant selfish bastard!" Joxer's sudden change of tone made a few drunken merchant to turn and gaze him angrily. "Stop that Joxer, you didn't mean it." Hercules said quietly. He was still thinking about Xena and Gabrielle. It was hard to imagine two closer friends that Gabrielle and Xena was. "Do you know when she is at the moment?" He continued after a brief silence. "I hope she is in the Elysian Fields." Joxer answered quickly. There was no reason why Gabrielle would have ended up to Tartaros. Persons, so light and peaceful, like Gabrielle were the stereotype of the person who belonged to Elysian. "No Joxer. I meant Xena; do you know where she is?" These were moment when Hercules wanted to meet Xena. He knew that Xena would be unbalanced and dangerous to everybody around her. Without Gabrielle calming her down, she would slip back to her old ways sooner or later. "I don't care. Seriously, she can do whatever she wants to. In my eyes she is a killer. If I ever meet her again I will attack against her even if it means my dead." He looked away from his good friends. "I can't believe it actually happened; I mean these months, I have carried the lost inside my hearth, I just hope it would end, disappear. I'm so tired, I don't know what to do, where to go, what to think." Hercules grabbed his lost friend and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry Joxer, I know how much you cared about her. I also care about her a lot as a friend. She was also so shiny and full of light. She was never depressed when I saw her. She was the light Xena needed. I can't believe that Xena was the one who ended her life. It's just so wrong, for both of them. I can see you are hurt Joxer, I just hope you can find a way to clear you hearth. You are the only one who can do it." Joxer thanked his friend quietly and let go of Hercules. "Your words means a lot for me my friend", he was able to gag. Iolaus stepped forward and grabbed Joxer to his bear hug. "I'm sure she is happy on the Elysian. I've heard it's the most beautiful place in the known existence. I'm sure she prospers in there." They were all crying slightly. It was rare for all of them to show their feeling so openly but none of them really cared about it.

"So Joxer, what are you going to do next? Would you like to travel with us for a while? In the state you are at the moment it's not good to be alone. You need friends to heal the wound in your soul so please, join us for a while." Iolaus said after three tankards of Ale which they had drunk together for Gabrielle's memory. "I don't know", Joxer slurred. "I thought I would like to go to Potedia to meet her family. I feel that it's my responsibility to go there and talk to them." Hercules patted his friends shoulder. "If that is what you want to do, we would like to travel with you to Potedia. I've always wanted to meet Gabrielle's family so if you tolerate us, we would be pleased to join you."

-.-

"Hello depressed one", Ares said to Xena when he teleported in front of the warrior princes. "Could you leave before you even start talking?" Xena answered with her melancholic voice. It had been about a week since she had last time met Ares but for her it was too short chunk of time. "Oh Xena, Xena, Xena. I'm not here because I would like to bully you. Like always, I'm here to help you." His voice was calm and peaceful, nothing like it used to be. "I don't even want to know what you are planning at the moment but I'm not going to buy it so please. I say this to you one more time. Leave me alone." Ares placed his hand to Xena's shoulder but Xena shook it off. "You are not balanced. You need something to your life. I'm willing to help to get some content to your life." Xena snorted. "Give me Gabrielle. I will do anything to you if you revive her."

"I can't do that Xena. I can't give her back to you, not today, not ever." Xena turned around so Ares was facing her back. "Then there is nothing you can offer to me." Xena knew Ares would never give Gabrielle back to her. She was the reason why Xena had changed. Hercules had help but Gabrielle had been the one who pushed Xena forward when she had had difficulties to face her past. "Listen to me Xena. I can't do that not even if I would like to. She was an amazon. They do respect Artemis but they have their own Elysian. None of us, not even Hades, know what happened to her after she died. Of course it's a shame for you because as much as you want it you won't meet her after your dead."

There was a long ugly silence between Xena and Ares. Xena hoped that Ares would leave as quickly as possible and Ares hoped that Xena would talk to him. "So, do you have anything else you would like to have, like a nice army to rule or something like that, what you desire more than anything? What would help you to get back from your depression?" Ares knew the regular Xena wouldn't like about the army thing but in her unbalanced state he would be able to manipulate Xena back to his side. "You know Ares sometimes you are very stupid. You think that I can just forget Gabrielle and dishonor her memory by doing something she wouldn't ever tolerate. I won't ever lead any army ever again, you understand me, never again." Ares set his arms again to Xena's shoulders. "My dear Xena. That is what you desire. I see though you better than anybody. You struggle to keep that mind but your soul desires to kill and slay. This thing you are doing here in Amphipolis, this is not you, like I said when I last time tried to make you let go. You need me." He whispered to her ear. "You need me and I need you. Whatever you want I can give to you. I can give you as much men as you want. I also got weapons, better and bigger that anybody has. You could be marvelous, invincible." Xena took a step forth away from Ares's husky whisper. "Please don't. You know I won't fall to your trap so why are you even trying? Just leave me alone, please. Let me clear my head by myself. I hate you more than anything at the moment."

Ares took a moment to scan the room. It was the same room where he had first time seen the potential inside her. In this room Xena had decided to revenge Lyceus's dead. When she had first time let her power of anger to emerge she had been young and easily to brainwash. This time it was different. She was older and wiser. She was not full of hate but sadness and depression. "Tell me, Xena, there real reason why don't want to follow my lead anymore. I know there is also something else and I won't leave before you that to me." He stared lazily to the hearth of the candle flame at the bedside table. It was wild and dangerous, just like Xena. "Oh come on Ares. The reason I'm not following you is because I hate warlords, murderers and your philosophy about healthy world. I'm not interested to become idiot again so please, one more time, go away and leave me alone!" Before Xena was able to react, Ares forced her to look at him. "I can see from your eyes that you are lying. You desire me but you are afraid of something. If you can split it out, we can process it together." He said and stepped closer. "I need you more than you can ever imagine." He continued with a whisper. "Shame because I don't need you." Xena said angrily and forced Ares to let go of her.

"Oh but Xena, that is where you are wrong. You need me as much as I need you. What I'm offering you will take of the pain you are carrying inside your hearth. I can help you to forget. There won't be any pain left, only pleasure, after I work with you. You can be powerful, demanding and beautiful, just like you used to be. When you are on my side nothing can stop us. Just you, me and the world. We can mold it to any kind of shape. You can destroy slavery, robbing, everything you please. Just took my hand and complete your destiny." He raised his hand and placed it next to Xena's. She looked at him her eyes full of disgust. "Ares stop that. I may not be balanced at the moment but I'm not falling to your trap. If you don't have anything else to say then there is nothing here for you." She picked up her sword from the shelf and turn back to face Ares one more time.

"For years this belonged to you. I carry it with proud and honor. That is not me anymore and you know that. I'm getting old to this so it's time to do the final decision. I don't need a sword anymore. I won't pick it up ever again. Everything I have done with it has ended up badly. That's why it's yours now. This is my final gift for you. Take it and leave me alone. For me it's time to retire and for you it is time to find a new chosen. As you know, you can't pull me back if I retire. It is my privilege to stop fighting for you when I'm too old for it. Sorry Ares, you won't ever win when it comes to me." Ares stared her for long time without saying anything. "Xena", He began. "You are not to too old. There are many warrior's older than you. You don't have to be twenty or twenty-five to lead an army. Thirty is not too much and, by the way, you are not even thirty yet. Stop those talks, pick up your sword and start living again. I'm tired to your mood swings and you know better than most of people that you don't want make me angry." Xena knew she was on the top of him when it came to this conversation. "You don't know what is old for me. Maybe I don't want to be thirty or more. Ones I promised to Gabrielle that we will age together. Now I can never fulfill that promise." Ares's gaze widened.

"So that's what you afraid. Oh Xena why didn't you say anything. I can help you with that. I can't make you immortal but I can stop you ageing. Let's say, thirty years. That is what I can give for you. Thirty years of lifetime in a body you are at the moment. After that you will die instantly. Of course you can die if you wounded but your body won't age. You like that, uh? I know you do and because I love you so much I will give it to you without any price", and with those words Ares clicked his fingers and Xena felt something warm cover her for a second. She was also able to hear music somewhere inside her head. It was annoying wheezy music that she hated more than any kind of music she had ever heard. Music was there only a few seconds but for Xena it was like an eternity. "What the hell did you do to me?" she was able to whisper. "I don't want this, take it off, now!" She was furious when she realized and understood Ares' words. "You had no right to curse me! I don't want to be young for a rest of my life." Ares couldn't do this to her, not today not ever. "Off, why? This is what you have always wanted, isn't it? You are my chosen and I will do anything to make you happy. You might not understand it now but this is only for your best my warrior. I will leave you now but I will return to your side. Sleep now, we will talk again soon." Before Xena was able to say or do anything Ares materialized a dark rose to his hand, placed it to Xena's and teleported away. Xena stared to the place where God of war had stood for a long time. She was not sure what had just happened but she knew she didn't like it. Slowly she got her brain back in action. She noticed the rose on her palm. "I hate that god", she said for herself and tossed the flower to the shelf above her head.

End of part 7


	8. Hit the road before it hits you

_**Chapter 8 – Hit the road before it hits you**_

The next morning was shiny and warm. When Joxer woke up late in the morning he had a slight headache and he wished he wouldn't have drunk so much last night but what's done is done. He was not sure about everything he had done or said last night but all in all he knew he had spoken a lot with Hercules and Iolaus. He had promised to travel with them to see Gabrielle's family. From the village he was at the moment, it took about five to six days to reach the Potedia. He was a little bit nervous to go there, he had never met Gabrielle's father or mother, and he knew it would not be so fun when he would arrive whit such news. In his mind he had created a dialog what to say and how to say things to Gabrielle's relatives.

Getting up from the bed took a little longer than he thought it would but eventually he was dressed and ready to go. Hercules and Iolaus were already waiting him at the dining room. They had all decided to sleep at the tavern because they had been very drunk late in the evening. "Morning Joxer, did you slept well?" Hercules asked when he saw the wannabe warrior. "Ah well, I've slept better but I guess that was okay. At least I was that drunk that I was not tortured by my nightmares." He answered sarcastically. "C'mon Joxie, rise and shine, don't be so melancholic. I'm nice morning and the birds are singing. Okay I guess we all have a slight headache but don't let it bother you." Iolaus said while he was stuffing his breakfast bread to his mouth. "I got a hangover, woo-oh, I'm been drinking too much for sure. I got a hangover, woo-oh, I got empty cup so pour me some more", Joxer sang and sat down. "You know I hate song and no, you won't get more ale today", Iolaus answered indignantly. "My cup is still empty so can I at least get some juice?" Joxer tried again. "Well I guess we can tolerate one tankard of juice for you", Hercules laughed. "Are you sure Herc I mean what if juice affects to him just like ale or cider?" Iolaus wondered. "Shut up", Joxer shouted and took a huge gulp from his apple juice.

"Nice horse you have there Joxie, where did you bought it?" Iolaus asked when he saw Joxer's brown stallion. Neither Iolaus nor Hercules owned a horse but Joxer had one so they had to pick up it from the sables before they hit the road. "Well actually Amazon's gave it to me." Joxer said with a huge grin on his face. "You know I was the friend of the queen so they wanted to help me in every way they could." He was very proud of the horse he owned; it was young, healthy and strong. He called him Rownie which was the same name he had given to his pony when he had been young boy. "I think Rownie likes you Iolaus. It's continually trying to smell your head or pockets." Joxer said and patted Rownie's shoulder. "Shame you two don't own horses, it would be so much faster to travel with horses than walking. Okay I'm just learning to travel with a horse. It's first time when I really own a horse and well I haven't yet totally used to it."

"Yeah well we've used to walk everywhere so it's okay for me to walk. Of course if it's boring for you to move on our pace you can take your own path. It's okay, really, if you don't want to be with us, we understand." Iolaus told to Joxer. He liked personally to ride with horse but he knew Hercules didn't like horses so much. When he traveled alone, he sometimes rent a horse to speed up his travels. "Nah, I'm okay. Like I said I used to walk everywhere not even long ago. Besides, it's not healthy for Rownie to carry a passenger every day, he is still young, and there is not often an opportunity to travel with your idols so I don't care how long it takes to reach Potedia, I want to do it with you no matter what." Hercules' smile widened. "Thank you Joxer. It's funny to hear you think us as idols. At least for me you are a friend not a fan." He laughed. "Oh yea Joxie, I don't know if you only met Hercules but I don't see you as a fan either, buddy." Iolaus laughed and took a good grip from Rownie's bridle. "You know we woke up late and we spent awful long time eating our breakfast. I think if we won't hit the road now we might never reach the Potedia." He added and took some steps to forward. "Oh yes idols of mine, let's go, shall we." A little bit happier Joxer told to his friends. "Sounds good, I was waiting who long it took from you two to decide to abandon the village." Hercules added when they walk out from the stables. It was a sunny day, as Hercules thought, perfect for a new journey.

-.-

They traveled four days with no hurry to anywhere. Every step Joxer took closer to Potedia he became more and more nervous. He had never thought who hard it would be deliver the message of Gabrielle's dead for her relatives. He had met Lila, Gabrielle's younger sister ones when he had visited Potedia with Gabrielle and Xena. Her parents Herodotus and Hecuba had been away from the village having a little vacation just by themselves. Although Lila was two years younger than Gabrielle, the two sisters had always been very close friends. When they had been kids they were always together. He understood that it would be even harder for them to accept Gabrielle's dead than it had been for him. He had lost a friend, the secret love of his life, but the family in Potedia had lost their elder daughter. He had seen parents losing their child so he knew how much it would hurt. Thank gods there were Hercules and Iolaus helping him and being there for him.

"There should be a crossroad not far from here. One road takes to Potedia, another to north." Iolaus broke the silence. "Yes I remember the crossroad. It's about two-day-walk from there to Potedia." Joxer murmured. "Am I the only one who is nervous? I mean I've always wanted to meet Gaby's relatives but this news we are carrying whit us is not so bright. I hate to see sadness so I'm a bit nervous what it will be." The short hunter answered to Joxer. "I've been thinking that too. I hope they understand we are friends, not enemies." Joxer sighed and looked up to Hercules. He had been very quiet ever since they left behind the camp at the morning.

"Dinar for your thoughts big boy", Iolaus said. He had also noticed Hercules' unusual silence. "I can't come with you", demi-god said mostly for himself. "Why not? You promised for Joxie", Iolaus snapped for his best friend. "I remembered I have something to do, very important thing. I have to turn north from the crossroad. I can't explain, I'm just…, I have to go, alone." He sighed. "Besides, I'm sure you can handle the meeting perfectly by yourself." He added and turned to watch the road ahead. "But…" Iolaus begin. "It's okay Iolaus. If he has to go, the he goes. If you want to leave as well that is also okay for me. If I ride, I will reach Potedia by tomorrow morning", Joxer smiled.

"No, I promised to come with you and so I will. This is as important for me as it is for you Joxie, okay? Where ever big boy has to go I know it's important for him and when he says I'm going alone it usually means that I'm not allowed to go with him, no offence I rarely obey him but... anyway", Iolaus laughed. "Thanks buddy. I knew you understand me better than anybody", Hercules sighed and stopped. They were at the crossroad. "So, this is very we say goodbye to each other. I'm sure you can handle the situation in Potedia. They will understand you." Hercules continued. "You sure you have to go?" Iolaus asked one more time. He was not sure why Hercules had suddenly decided to leave somewhere but he honored his decision; usually they were the right ones.

"Yes, this is something I have to do alone. Be careful Iolaus, Joxer. I will catch you up later when I'm done with this." Demi god answered mysteriously. "See you Hercules and thank you. How can I ever pay you back", Joxer shouted when they took the separated ways. "Be nice big boy", Iolaus laughed after him. "I'm trying", Hercules smiled and disappeared from the sight.

"Shame he had to go. Do you have any idea where he might be going?" Joxer asked after a few silence minutes. "I have a hunch yes but I'm not hundred percent sure. I guess it is something personal because he was so quiet and inward-looking for a good while before leaving us." Shorter man answered. They walked another good while in silence just thinking about life and its mysteries. "Hey Iolaus, we have only talked about me and Gabrielle but what have you done in these previous months? I mean I was rare that you didn't know about Gaby and Xena and those things." Joxer suddenly wanted to know. He was just thought about the heroic things Iolaus did with the legend and noticed that he had no idea what they were doing before he met them. "Well, we were busy at Marathon. I guess the whole Greece, expect you, knows about the attack of the Persians. We were helping Athenian army to defend the shores of Greece. It was close, without everybody's help we would now live in the colony of Persian instead of Greece. After the battle we helped the residents of Marathon to rebuild their houses and so on. It was pretty tough job but it was for the greater good."

"Wow, I wish I could be as great warrior as you and Hercules are. Sure I call myself Joxer the mighty but after what happened with Gabrielle I realized that there is nobody I could trick with that name. I'm only a wannabe-warrior, nothing more. I'm clumsy and always causing trouble. Wonder what Gabrielle saw when she looked at me." There was sorrow in his voice when he said aloud the things he was not proud of. Truth was he had realized that he was a joke, and finally after weeks of minding he had understood what the phrase 'Lonely warrior, Gabrielle, woke up with a jerk' met and he woke up with Gabrielle on that day. It had happened only a few weeks before the event in Amazon village. He was the jerk. As much as he hated it, it was the truth.

"I'm nothing more than an irritating jerk messing up heroes' plans." He continued before Iolaus was able to answer. The ware a few tears on his cheek. "No, stop that Joxer. You are not jerk we all know that. That spell on the scroll Gabrielle was writing on was Aphrodite's and it did what Aphrodite would think. It was not what Gabrielle thought about you, I'm sure she didn't see you as a jerk." Iolaus solaced his friend. Joxer's mood change had come out from nowhere and Iolaus hadn't been ready for it.

"You know you don't have to be a great fighter to become a hero. There are all kinds of heroes in the world. Some of them, like Hercules, help the world by fighting against the great evil but other, for example heroes like you, helps people by talking and comforting them. I'm sure Gabrielle has watched you proudly from Elysian while you have done what you have done on these last months. You helped people by talking to them. You helped them to confront the pain of her dead. You are just at the moment walking to Potedia to explain her family what happened and why. In my eyes you are a hero. Your hearth is pure gold and your motives unselfish and empathic. That is something I appreciate more than anything."

End of part 8


	9. Be strong

_**Chapter 9 – Be strong**_

It was the singing of the birds which woke Joxer. He hadn't slept much because his head was full of thoughts and fear. After hours of endless rolling and minding about what would happened tomorrow he had finally fallen into a dreamless sleep. He was afraid what kind the welcome would be when he would rode to Potedia whit Iolaus.

The short hunter was nowhere to be seen when Joxer jumped up from his furs. Whit no hurry he dressed his amour and polished the old lumpy sword he always carried with him. He was just packing his stuffs back to the saddlebags when Iolaus returned with two plump rabbits.

"Aah morning Joxie. I got us some breakfast. I hope you are not used to so glamour food because I hunt better than I cook", he laughed and continued when he saw Joxer's questioning stare. "Hercules is the one who cook. Believe it or not but he is one of the best cooks I've ever meet." Iolaus moved closer to the fire pit and begin to relight the ashes. "Well morning to you as well buddy. It's nice to wake up when your breakfast is almost ready." Iolaus rolled his eyes. "Don't even think about it. You are going to help me. Make yourself useful and go refill our flasks. It's going to be a warm day."

Joxer smiled. At least it was going to be a sunny day when they rode to Potedia. "On my way, sir mighty hunter!" Joxer laughed and made a lazy salute. He received an annoyed look from his friend. "Don't you ever call me sir if you want to life the day after that." Iolaus yelled after his buddy and began to prepare their breakfast.

-.-

Few hours and two stomachs later Joxer and Iolaus rode down the road to Potedia. Village was full of life and energy when they rode through the gates of the village. Joxer was not sure where the family they were looking for lived so they had to stop asking Herodotus' house. It was not difficult to the house in the end. Herodotus was a part of the village council so it was not difficult to find his estate.

"Here we go buddy, are you ready?" Iolaus asked when they stood at the gate. They were able to see some movement behind the curtains. "Of course I'm not ready but I guess I won't ever be ready for this. Let's go." Joxer answered and opened the gate. Iolaus followed him quietly.

They farm was a typical farm. Some chickens and geese were at the front yard and a large barn next to the main house. The walk to the front door was mentally not the easiest job Joxer had made on his life. He studied the place and minded what Gabrielle had looked like when she lived here. What she would have looked like when she had woke up to feed the chickens and other animals. Her smile when she had walked thought that gate and run inside to enjoy the dinner with her family. It hurt Joxer mentally to wonder how much Gabrielle had enjoyed the life at the farm house. She had always told Joxer how much she had disliked the small village and the simple life as a farm girl.

Before Joxer even realized he had reached the door. He pushed his body to knock the door. When the door started to open, he closed his eyes, grabbed his hat and removed it. When he reopened his eyes he was facing about forty years old woman who looked a little like Gabrielle. "Hello, how I can help you. My husband is not home at the moment if you are looking after him", woman told to the hunter and the warrior. "No, I mean yes, we are looking him as well but mainly we came to talk your family. Is your younger daughter at home?" Iolaus repeated when he noticed his friend had frozen. "Yes Lila at home. Who are you, what's your business with us?" Hecuba asked confused. "My name is Iolaus and this is my friend Joxer. We have some news for you."

He was not sure if Gabrielle's mother had ever heard neither of them. "Iolaus. I've heard that name. Are you the man who travels with the mighty Hercules?" woman in front of them asked after a while. "Yes, Hercules is my friend." Iolaus smiled. He had used to be the friend of Hercules just like Gabrielle was known as the friend of Xena. "Your name is also familiar. I'm sure I've heard it somewhere. I just can't connect you to anywhere", Hecuba continued and studied Joxer's face. Joxer just smiled. He was not able to say anything.

"Hey mom who is it?" Lila's voice called suddenly and a second after that Gabrielle's younger sister appeared to the door. "Joxer, what are you doing... No, no, no it's not true." Lila's voice broke when she saw the apathetic look on Joxer's face and fell next to her mother's feet tiers on her eyes. "Tell me it's not true." She was able to whisper. "Lila my love do you know these men?" Her mother tried to comfort her sobbing daughter. "He is a friend of… Gabrielle." Gabrielle's younger sibling was able to answer.

Her mother understood immediately what had made her daughter to collapse. They had heard the rumors of their elder daughter's fate not sure either believe or not that their child was dead. "Please, we have heard rumors about our daughter. Please tell it is not true, please tell me Gabrielle is okay." She whispered. Joxer dropped his gaze. He was not able to say the word but his look told Gabrielle's family more than anything. "No!" Hecuba cried out loud. "Gabrielle! My daughter!"

Iolaus was the first who survived from the pool of tiers. "I'm so sorry. I wish it wouldn't be true." He tried to comfort the crying peoples around him. With heavy heart Hecuba invited the men inside and asked them to describe what had happened to their precious daughter. "I think I can't do that anymore. The only persons I've described the whole truth are Hercules and Iolaus." Joxer began. "I… eh, I'm not sure how… I can't explain everything, I think I don't even want to. I mean it's not good for your ears to know the every little detail of those days. Gabrielle is dead and that id fact as much as I would want to deny it. I think you want to know that it was Xena's rage that killed Gabrielle. She was not able to control her feeling and she just…" Joxer was not able to continue. "She had traditional Amazon funeral. They never found the body because Xena threw it to the ocean. We can just pray that she enjoys her life in Elysian." Iolaus continued.

Lila and Hecuba cried till there were not tiers left in their eyes. Joxer and Iolaus tried to comfort them as much as they could but it was hard for them as well. Feeling they had carried Joxer for months, Iolaus for days came back to surface when they saw Gabrielle's family to process the pain. Men decided it was better not to explain everything to the family. They didn't have to hear about Hope, Solan or Calisto just yet. When they were done processing Gabrielle's dead which would take year they would be ready to face the knowledge of the events happened before Xena's decision. Joxer didn't want to give Xena any right for her act so he had decided not to tell anybody anything else than the fact that Xena had murdered Gabrielle. If people don't know why, they wouldn't be mercy for Xena.

Herodotus came back from the fields about an hour before the sunset. Hecuba was cooking the dinner but his mind was not with her. Herodotus noticed immediately something was wrong. "Hecuba, darling, is something wrong?" He asked and wrapped his arm around his wife. "We have quests, they are waiting at the living room", Hecuba stated quietly. Herodotus removed his arms from his wife's waist and asked again if she was okay. "Lila will explain everything. Dinner is almost ready." His wife motioned his husband to go to the living room.

Herodotus walked slowly to their living room and found her subbing daughter with two strange men. "Lila, are you okay?" He asked and kneeled before his younger daughter. "Hello, you must be Herodotus", shorter, blond haired man said and rose from the chair he was sitting at. "Yes I'm Herodotus. Who are you, what are you doing in my house?" He answered and stood in front of his daughter in defense position. "Relax, we came in peace." Weird dresses dark haired man tried to comfort the older man. "What did you do to my family, both my wife and my daughter has cried a lot today, I can see it from their faces." He challenged. He was not happy when his family was in pain. After losing his older daughter to the warrior woman he had promised to protect his family no matter fact.

"My name is Joxer and I'm a friend of your daughter", Joxer tried to smile but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "Lila, they are your friends?" Herodotus wondered aloud. It was good to see Lila with some men but he doubted these two were a little bit too old for her younger daughter. "No, we are friends of your older daughter Gabrielle." Iolaus continued with a sad smile. "You are Gabrielle's friends. Is she… is she doing okay?" His voice broke just like his daughter's only a few hours before. Immediately after the words had left his mouth he knew Gabrielle was dead. They had heard the first rumors about two months ago. A months ago rumor have returned with the fact that Xena had killed her. "She… She is dead", he stated before anybody answered to his question. "I'm sorry", the other man whispered and placed his hand on Herodotus' shoulder. "My name is Iolaus and I was a friend of Gabrielle", He continued before Herodotus was able to ask anything else.

Lila had started to cry aloud again and this time Joxer went sitting next to her and tried to solace the young farm girl. "Do you, do you know what happened to her?" Herodotus asked after a while. He was still crying but not so much as he had earlier. "I was there", Joxer answered quietly. "I didn't see her last breath but I saw when she fell." Joxer's eyes were full of tiers when he remembered the last moment he had seen Gabrielle. "Was it quick?" Herodotus asked. "What?" Joxer murmured. "Her death, was it quick and painless?" Herodotus asked again.

Joxer was quiet for a while. He was not sure about the thing, actually, he hadn't even thought about the thing Gabrielle's father had asked. "I eh, I'm not sure", he began quietly. "If she died when the Chakram hit her then yes, she died quickly and most likely it was painless. If that hit didn't kill her then…, then it was far away from painless nor fast. She was beaten and dragged miles behind the horse. I didn't go to watch but the amazon scouts said there were a lot of blood on the dragging marks. After that she was thrown to the ocean. The body was never found." Lila started to sob louder when she heard Joxer's words. It had been one of those reasons he had decided not to tell them the details. He didn't want to explain how much Gabrielle had probably suffered before she died.

"She was never found so there was never funeral for her?" Herodotus asked after the dinner. Normally so loud and talkative family had been totally silence while they had eaten their dinner. "no, of course there was funeral for her. Her position among amazons was enough for them to light up empty funeral fire. I was there thought the whole mourning." Joxer answered simply. "Her position? Gabrielle wasn't an amazon." Lila interrupted. It was the first time she had talked after collapsing when she had seen Joxer and Iolaus at the door.

"No, Gabrielle was an amazon. Long time ago when she had just began her journey with Xe…, with the warrior she tried to save the amazon princess. The princess died but before she did she gave her rank to Gabrielle. When the queen Melosa was killed, Gabrielle inherited her position as a queen of the amazon." Joxer relayed quickly. "So my daughter was a queen of amazons?" Hecuba whispered. "Yes, you can be very proud of her. She was gentle and caring queen. The whole amazon nation was mourning when she died." Iolaus looked at his friend. He had had doubts how Joxer would take the day with Gabrielle's family. He had been afraid Joxer would completely collapse but for his surprise Joxer had explained everything with a spine.

"So it was Xena who killed my daughter?" Herodotus asked after a while. His tone was cold, full of hate and rage. "Yes, it was Xena." Joxer repeated with a strong voice. "She is going to pay", Herodotus whispered and hit his fist to the table. "I knew from the beginning that woman was only a nightmare to her. I tried to talk to her when she visited us but her faith, her loyalty to that wonder woman was too strong. I can't believe why I let her go time after time after time." Lila's father hissed.

"It's not your fault my dear husband", Hecuba tried to comfort her beloved husband but knew it was useless. Herodotus had always hated Xena and every time she had visited them with Gabrielle they had argued about something. Hecuba had defended her mate but she had also trusted to Xena. That trust was gone now.

End of part 9

I don't know why this chapter was so hard to write. I re-wrote it twice and still I'm not completely pleased. I hope I am able to update little bit faster than once in fortnight. :P


	10. Forgive me

**Chapter 10 – Forgive me**

Xena woke up covered with sweat. She hated nightmares, particularly those which repeated themselves over and over again. In her dream she saw the fatal events in Gabrielle's eyes straight from the funeral fire to her last fall to the ocean. She stared to her room's roof and tried to steady her hearth-beat. The dream was something she desperately wanted to forget but at the same time experience it again as many time as possible.

After a few minutes of lying still she got up from the bed and waked to the window. Sun had already risen and the birds were singing their songs. Normally she hadn't used to wake up after the dawn but in a last few weeks it had become a habit. She washed her face and changed her daylight clothes in silence. She had given up using her amour or wearing her sword when she had decided to stay at the Amphipolis. Her current normal gear included light blue cloth trousers and a black short-sleeved shirt. She had also switched her boots to slightly lighter model. The only weapon she carried was her chakram which she placed on her hip.

"Morning mother", she murmured when she stepped to the kitchen. "Morning darling", her mother answered. Xena snorted and grabbed some breakfast for herself. "How can I help you today?" She asked mouth full of apple. Cyrene looked at her only daughter. Few weeks ago Xena's mood had dramatically changed from the lonely depressed disaster to the functional and purposeful; at least that was what the other people saw.

However Cyrene knew better. For outsiders Xena helped her mother at the tavern. She chopped the wood, cleaned the rooms, washed the dishes and played the porter every time some drunken idiot tried to do something stupid. Cyrene knew her child and she knew that Xena was suffering from the inside. She talked normally to everybody who asked something from her but her answers and body language was dull. It was like her soul was not with her. She didn't work out anymore and she had ignored Argo totally. Cyrene had had to ask neighbor's teenager, Perdianus, to take care and ride with Argo. She had also heard Xena's cry and subbing at the night when the warrior was torment by her nightmares. Her daughter tried to show her the brave face but inside that warrior look she was crying in pain.

"Well there is not so much what I need to do today. We received the new stock of food yesterday so we don't need to buy anything. There are only two rooms which must be cleaned before the evening but I will do that." Cyrene replayed to her waiting daughter. "You had something in your mind?" She continued gently. She knew Xena didn't do anything on her free-time so the question was only a compliment. "Well actually I have to visit the stationer but that won't take long. I will be back in no time", Xena answered for her surprised mother. "Sure. Be as long as you have to. Like I said there is not much to be done today", Cyrene smiled. It was the first time in long time Xena was actually doing something else that helping in tavern.

Xena tucked the rest of her breakfast in her mouth, grabbed the big bag she was carrying and walked out to the windy day. It was not so warm anymore though the winter was not even close. Even though she hadn't any interest to do anything anymore she had decided to share Gabrielle's legacy to the people of Greece. She didn't do it for herself but for Gabrielle. Easiest way to do so was to make a copy of the scrolls and send them to the University of Bards in Athens. She didn't want to send the originals so the scribe had promised to copy them for her.

The scribe, almost fifty-summer-old man, lived near the center of Amphipolis. Xena hated to walk the streets of her hometown because most of the people she faced stared at her and whispered something to their companions. No-one judged her aloud but she knew that almost everybody knew what had happened. About a month ago travelling bard had arrived to Amphipolis and told the story of Gabrielle, the greatest bard from Potedia, at the village hall. Although he hadn't known completely the answer why Xena had done what she had done she was surprised the knowledge had speared so fast.

After that day most of the villagers had been furious to Xena and questioned her time after time. Villagers had learned to know Gabrielle very well from the times they had together visited Amphipolis and Gabrielle had entertained them with her stories time after time. They couldn't understand why Xena had killed her and because Xena couldn't answer Cyrene had eventually ejected them from the tavern. Since that Xena had avoided everybody. Gossip was still there even though everybody saw Xena was suffering. Some came to give their sympathy for and she grateful but nothing drove out the pain in her heart.

"Hello Xena. You said you had some kind of assignment for me. I guess you came on that reason", the scribe said when Xena stepped in. "Yup, that's the reason I'm here. I was wondering if you could make me copies of these scrolls." She answered and handed the pack of scrolls to the scribe. "All of these?" The pack contained over two dozen scrolls. "I know it's much but I will pay greatly", Xena begged. She wasn't used to do so but this was something she owned to Gabrielle.

"Well it's going to take some time. Come back in few days. I will start the job today, but it's going to take at least few days maybe more if those are full of writing." He opened one of the scrolls are read a section. "These are stories about you, aren't they?" The scribe wanted to know. "Yes, those are Gabrielle's stories of our adventures. I'm going to donate the copies to the great library of Athens. She would have wanted that."

The scribe stared her for a good while. "You don't act like a person how killed the writer of these stories. You act like a person who lost something valuable. Whatever they say, it feels weird that you actually killed her. You are so depressed and full of pain." Xena let her warrior barriers to shatter. "What I did was a mistake. I guess I will never forgive myself. I will come back in few days." She sighed and left from the shop.

-.-

Xena walked mindlessly back and forth the streets of Amphipolis. She was not in a mood to return the tavern but she had no interest go anywhere. In the past months she had ended up almost every time to the hills next to the village where she had buried herself to the sorrow and pain. After Ares's visits she had stopped doing that. She had actually tried to change, not back to the life of warrior but to the life of villager. Ironically she had always depreciated that kind of life. It was boring, same old same every day until you were too old to keep going, but somehow she didn't care anymore.

The spell Ares had told he did to her was weird. Ares wanted her to return raiding and robbing. He had given her the eternal youngness for thirty years. She was not hundred percent sure if he had really done it but deep inside she knew he had. It was something had planned for years. Xena understood that now when Gabrielle was out of the picture Ares would use every opportunity to get her back to warlord.

"No, I will never, ever, go back to his arms", Xena hissed aloud. She had no idea where she was or who was listening or following her. "Xena, there's something we need to talk about", the dark voice called her behind her. Although Xena had retired her reactions were still there. She turned around and grabbed the chakram to her hand. She regretted the fact that she didn't carry any other weapons anymore. Of course there were dozens of people who wanted to kill her.

"Hercules", she whispered when she recognized the man standing in front of him. Of course he had heard about Gabrielle, everybody knew about it. She knew Hercules had liked Gabrielle very much and Iolaus had a big crush on the cure bard. "What are you doing here?" Hercules said nothing and Xena got a little bit nervous. Demi-God's eyes were studding up and down her body. "Xena lay down your weapon. I only wanted to talk," he answered just before Xena might have lost her patience. "What you want from me?" She asked nervously. "I know what you have done. I just want to talk." Hercules repeated himself. "You came to mock me didn't you." Hercules took a step closer and Xena raised her weapon again.

"Xena don't. I just want to talk. Not mock but talk. I can see you are depressed", Hercules tried ones again. It was difficult to get near her. She had shut down the door of her feeling for everybody who tried to get close. "No, no-one can try to understand me anymore, not even you. It's nice you are here but you can stop acting." Xena turned around and decided to walk away like she had done every time when some-one, normally her mother, had tried to talk her about it.

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. "No Xena, don't throw me out. You know you need help and I'm here to offer it for you. I know how you feel and I know it hurts –", He was cut in by sudden gust of rage. He felt the knuckles that made contact with his cheek. "You have no idea what it feels like! You know nothing about the web inside my head. Don't come to here tell me your stupid tales about how everything will change to better and so on! I tired of that, I'm tired of everything, just leave me alone!" The change of her mood was so sudden that it took a few seconds for Hercules to understand what she shouted. "Let it out Xena. Show me the frustration you carry inside your heart. We are alone, no-one is here with us in this alley."

Xena attacked against Hercules with all that pain and rage she carried inside her. Hercules gave back, not too hard but with enough strength to make the sparring last longer. When they finally felt to the ground both covered with sweat he was sure that Xena was feeling a little bit better.

"You ready to talk?" Hercules asked from his friend. Xena was covered with dirt and there was a little trail of blood running down from her corner of mouth. He knew he was not in any better shape. He tasted his own blood which came from his nose and smelled the dirt that had stuck to his sweaty body. Xena stared him without saying anything. "Come on let's go. Let's clean up and get some food. There are some things we definitely need to catch up with." He got up and helped Xena back to her feet. "Thanks", was the only phrase Xena was able to produce. He understood it wasn't only thanks from pulling her up from the ground she was thanking.

When they stepped in to the Cyrene's tavern Xena's mother welcomed her daughter with a laud yelp. "Xena, Xena what happened? Where you over-droved by a wagon or what happened because you look like a disaster?" The older woman bustled around her daughter. "Nah, nothing serious. I was actually a wake up call and worked pretty well." She admitted. "Mother, this is Hercules, Herc meet my mother." She introduced his friend to her mother. "Oh boy, please don't tell me my daughter cause that look of your", Cyrene murmured to Hercules. "It may look bad but truly it isn't. A quick bath and that's it. I think it was worth it I mean like Xena said it was a wake up call for her. Sometimes it's good to relive some pressure before you are ready to move on", he smiled to Xena's mother who shook her head in disbelief.

-.-

After a bath Xena sat down to her favorite table in the tavern. It was just in a right place so she was able to see the whole room. It was also near the door and far away from the window. She was nervous and she didn't look for this meeting with Hercules but she realized she owned the conversation for him. As hard as it was to admit, the sparring he had given her earlier had made her feel a little bit better.

Hercules sat silently opposite her. It was the first time he actually saw her so devastated and lost. It was like all the life force had disappeared from her. She was functional and even smiled a little but her emotions didn't reach her eyes. It was like a mask which fooled others but Hercules saw right through it. "I can see the rumors are not completely matching", Hercules stated after a while. "Depends what kind of rumors you are talking about." Xena took a sip from her ale which her mother had brought for her. "About the rumor that you were able to do it without any feelings. I can see you are in pain and wouldn't be in pain if you hadn't care at all." Xena didn't say anything. "Want to talk about it?" Hercules tried again.

"When I did it I hadn't any good feelings for her", Xena whispered after a long silence. It was not easy for her to talk about it but somehow Hercules' supportive altitude made her want to talk. "On that day I just wanted her dead." Hercules took a deep gasp. It didn't feel right when Xena talked like that about Gabrielle but he also knew Xena wasn't finished yet. "I will regret it for the rest of my life. I mean I am so lost. I have no idea what to do or where to go. Everybody hates me." Hercules gave her a supporting smile. "I only heard the version Joxer told us. Want to tell me what happened from your perspective?"

"Joxer told you? Oh gods I had totally forgot that he was there. How is he?" She didn't mean to pass his question but her spontaneous instincts took over her. Maybe Joxer was a little clumsy and sometimes total moron but she did care about him as a friend. "Well if I was you I wouldn't try to go talk to him right now. You should wait for a while." He tried to give her a smile but it didn't reach his eyes. "He really cared about her", Xena admitted.

"It was not Gabrielle's fault my son died. She didn't know. I just wanted to find someone to blame. I heard Gabrielle went to mourning ritual after the funeral of our children. I decided to go to the mountains. At the beginning I decided I would just go to yell her and maybe… Seriously, I don't know what I planned to do", her voice faded slowly. "What made you change your mind?" Hercules tried to courage her to move on.

"I lapsed. I had resisted him for seasons. When I was alone up there Ares came. He encouraged me to revenge my son's dead. I don't understand why I believed him, I mean his mayor goal for years has been Gabrielle's elimination and my return. I just, I was just so full of pain that I snapped. Afterwards I have realized that what I needed was support and someone to talk about it. It has always been Gabrielle I've shared my pain but this time I was, I don't know, afraid to go and talk to her. Instead of talking I let it go too far and I channeled my rage to wrong person. Okay not to wrong person but in a wrong way." Tiers run down her cheeks. She looked up to Hercules eyes. There was pain in there but he gave her a mark to keep going.

"It was a long way back to the Amazon village and the all I was able to think was vengeance. I don't remember so much about the fight. I fought against some of them before I spotted Gabrielle. She was not in a good shape because she had been in that mourning ritual for days. I'm not sure but I think I threw my chakram to her to stop her from running. After she fell I tied her and then I dragged her to the seaside. I remember I yelled vengeance when I threw her down to the sea and then like you said I walked away without any regret or pain." Sultry silence landed between Xena and Hercules when she ended her story.

"The pain came after three days." She began again after a while. "I felt empty and confused. The pain came soon after that. I realized I had just killed the only person who could have been able to help me through that pain. I cursed myself and Ares. The next weeks are quite messy. I remember coming here but after that it's just a big mass of events and thoughts. Ares came to me few times but I was able to evict him. Few days, maybe a week or so ago he came again. He wanted me to join him. He said forget the blond, she is gone. It hurt like hell when he said it. I don't know what to do anymore. My life was bonded with Gabrielle. Like I said I will never forgive myself, how could I when she did so much good for me. It feels like I betrayed myself and everybody who believed in me when I took her life." Xena ended her revelations. She was crying in public but somehow she didn't care.

"As much as it hurt me I understand why you did it. It's hard to reject Ares when you are full of sorrow. He is so good to use that to manipulate people. You are not the first one and you won't definitely be the last." Hercules emptied his goblet of ale before continuing. "She can hear you thoughts she knows you regret what you did. Honor her memory and keep living your life. That's the only way you can show Ares that you are not his anymore. Believe yourself. Remember when you decided to give up being warlord. You were despised and people split on you. You rose from there. Step after step you cleared your reputation and you became the hero people desperately needed."

"Ares maybe manipulated me but I made the decision to act. It my fault as much as it is Ares'. I can't do it anymore. Every time I help someone I remember Gabrielle. I remember her selfless love for everything. I tired few times on my path to home. I rescued one child but when his parents came to thank me I remember how we dealt that kind of conversations with Gabrielle and I had to flee."

Hercules placed his hand on hers. "Xena look at me. The guilty you carry is something you may never get rid of. The question is how you will carry it. You can use it as a fuel to your actions or then you can let it sunk you somewhere beyond the known world. You have to use it as your strength. Whenever you do good remember her. Remember what she taught to you. She is there in the fields of Elysian and she cheers to you every time you do like she taught. Use her selfless love as your power source."

End of part 10


	11. Think about it

**Chapter 11 – Think about it**

It was only few minutes after the dawn when Hercules woke up. He was eager to continue talking with Xena. After getting her talk a little bit she had pulled back to her shell and been very quiet for the rest of the evening. He hoped they didn't move on too fast but at the moment he was happy of his success. Cyrene had told to him after Xena had gone sleeping that it had taken days to get Xena talk when she had arrived to Amphipolis few months earlier.

He hadn't met the older woman earlier but only half a day had shown him how gentle and friendly Xena's mother really was. It was a little bit funny to think that someone as vile as Xena had had a mother such gentle as Cyrene was. On the other hand everybody has a mother and father, even the meanest and evilest warlord's he knew had family somewhere behind them. He knew the story of Calisto, young farm girl whose family had been slain by Xena years ago. Xena still carried the guilt, probably for the rest of her life, but the story showed that even the gentlest person could end up being sanguinary monster if the faiths wanted it.

Slowly he washed his face and dressed to his normal outfit. Cyrene had generously given him a room without wanting any payment at all. She really hoped Hercules would help her daughter to stand up ones again. He had started the job Gabrielle had finished when he had helped Xena to give up being warlord. It had happened only two years ago but still it felt like it had happened a lifetime ago.

"Morning Cyrene!" Hercules called out when he stepped to the dining area. Room was almost full of people eating their breakfast. Tall demi-god wondered if all the people had stayed overnight because there was almost as much people as there had been last night. "Ah morning Hercules. Just a minute I will put these to the kitchen", the owner of the tavern called and disappeared to the kitchen. "May I help you somehow?" Hercules asked when Cyrene came back to the dining hall. "My principal is that my guests are guests. They are not working here so they don't have to do anything but sit and eat. Now you are my quest so please go to sit down and grab some breakfast." Cyrene smiled to him. She didn't look very stressed although the room was full of customers.

"Are you always this popular? I mean you must have all of the rooms booked." Hercules asked from the older woman when she brought him a tankard of water. "Actually only about half of these customers are night guests. Most of the people are town folks who are lazy enough to come here for their breakfast. It's been like this for years so for me it's practically a normal situation." She answered and grabbed an empty plate from the table behind her. "Just enjoy the atmosphere. Xena will hopefully wake up soon if you have planned something for her. I mean she has been so depressed that it would be good for her to do something different."

About an hour later Hercules was still waiting. Most of the people had gone but there was still some sleepyheads trying to eat their morning meal as quickly as possible. "Maybe you should go to knock her room. It's the fifth door from left at the second floor." Cyrene suggested when she noticed Hercules' worrying gaze. "She has changed her sleeping rhythm but I'm not allowing anybody to sleep all day long as far as I'm able to control it." Hercules smiled. He had seen the same determinate look on Xena's face millions of times. "Let her sleep if she wants to. It wasn't mentally easy for her to talk about the events in public." Hercules tried but Cyrene was strict. Tall warrior followed the older woman when she went to knock Xena's door.

"She has become lazy", tavern keeper murmured when her daughter didn't open the door. "Oh right I'm coming in!" She yelled and took her keys. As the owner of the place she had spare key to every room in the tavern.

When the door opened they found an empty room. "She is not here", Hercules stated the unfortunate truth. "Looks like. Weird, she must have woken very early or then she somehow used that closed window to get out. Otherwise I would have seen her leaving." Cyrene stepped to the room. Most of her daughter's belongings were where they had been. The Chakram was missing but her other weapons were on the shelf. "She can't be far. As far as I know her she goes nowhere without her sword, at least nowhere far." Cyrene murmured and picked up a withered flower from the floor. "Wonder what this is", she continued her monologue. "Does she do this often?" Hercules asked when his brains finally kicked back on. "Disappears? Well she hasn't done in in weeks but at the beginning she used to spent hours alone thinking as she called it. She will come back before the sunset. When exactly? Well, nobody knows. I guess at the moment even she doesn't know when she will come back."

"So you are not worried she has disappeared? I mean anything could happen to her now when she is depressed." Cyrene walked to the window and gazed out. "You really think some bandit could surprise her. I don't think so. She may not be herself at the moment but fighting is on her blood. She can take herself without really wanting it." She didn't look worried but inside she did feel fear. She was not sure what was happening inside her daughter's head. She had learned to hide her feeling very well. She had no idea if her daughter was planning suicide or just processing the yesterday.

"I guess you are right. Still, if you don't mind, I would like to go asking if someone has seen her. After yesterday I'm not sure what's happening inside her mind. She showed me some of her feeling but it's hard to know if there is also something else", Hercules decided and stepped back to the corridor. "Of course if you want but I'm sure if she didn't what to show herself to us then probably no-one has seen her. Trust me she is that good."

After asking almost everybody Hercules gave up. No-one hadn't either seen her or didn't care what she did. Most of the village still cared about her at least a bit but there were some that hated her very deeply, partly because of the warlord days partly because of Gabrielle. Though Gabrielle was not from Amphipolis villagers had fell in love with her stories and smile every time she had been in the village. The stories Cyrene didn't let people to tell in her tavern had spared faster than anybody could understand. Sadly Hercules understood that Joxer's work as an emissary of Gabrielle had worked better than Joxer could even imagine. The good and the respect people carried for Xena had disappeared faster that she had gain it. He knew how hard it had been for Xena to begin her life again after the change and he knew how much harder it would be now without Gabrielle helping her.

"Hey are you Hercules?" About 20-year-old man asked when he walked past a regular looking shop full of scrolls and paper supplies. "Depends who's asking", he answered gently. This was one of those days he was not so interest to be recognized at the street. "I'm Danius, the son of Atrius the scribe of Amphipolis. I've been reading stories of your accomplishments and I have to say I'm the huge fan of yours. My dream is to be a hero like you", the boy gabbled. "Hero uh? It's not so glory as it looks like when you read the scrolls. If I would be as young as you are I would probably follow my father's footsteps and continue his work", Hercules tried to calm down the eager man in front of him. "Your father is a god. Does that mean you want to be a god? I understood you don't want that much power." Hercules snorted. "No, I mean if I was you I would follow your father's footsteps and became a scribe."

It was Danius' time to snort. "I admit it is sometimes fun to copy scrolls and that kind of stuff but mostly it's very boring. You have no idea how monotonous it is to copy some law scrolls or statements to the king about some idiotic thing that doesn't even matter. The only job I found interesting is when you can copy hero stories and that kind of stuff. I've made dozens of your stories as well as Gabrielle's stories of Xena and so on. I just love heroes and the greater good stuff. You have no idea how excited I was when Xena gave as all of Gabrielle's scrolls to made copies of. I promised to help my father and the job is almost done. I mean it's not just a boring task, its adventure at the same moment. I need action and being hero is the only way I can satisfy my curiosity." He spoke so fast that even Hercules had troubles to follow.

"Yes but your life is secured. If you start travelling and looking for trouble there is a great risk to die." Hercules stated. He was used to kids like this one, the ones eager to be heroes. They didn't realize that they can be heroes just by staying home and helping the society. "Ye but if everybody would think like that then there would be heroes stopping wars and so on. You are professional as well as Xena. It's sad she is so depressed at the moment, I hope she can someday get over it."

"You know Xena?" Hercules queried. "Everybody knows Xena! Some people say she is pain in the ass but I think she is our village's national hero. Last night I didn't sleep at all because I was reading stories of her." Hercules smiled. It was good to hear that Xena had still some fans. "Sound like you are a big fan of Xena."

The youngster smiled. "Well yea. She is not so popular at the moment but I'm sure she will recover", he kicked the rock near his foot before continuing. "I know you are a friend of her so I dare telling this to you. I don't know why but she at the moment she got pretty raw mood swings. Yesterday when I saw her she was okay. Maybe little bit empty but at least she was doing something. Then today when I saw her early in the morning she looked totally different. I'm not sure what the difference was but it was there. Please I don't know if you are angry to her or something but please help her. She needs a friend. I've heard the stories of Gabrielle's dead but I don't believe them totally. There must be something else behind them than just some fit of rage."

"Ah so you didn't stop me because you are the big fan of me. You stopped me because you are a fan of Xena and you want me to help her get up and moving, right?" Hercules asked. He was relieved that someone was still standing behind her. It was also rewarding to hear he had seen her earlier. "I'm also a loyal fan of your but I have to admit Xena is totally the best. I stand behind her forever." His tone was strong and respectful. "She is good friend of mine and like you I'm worried too. I promise I will do everything to heal her soul. It would help me greatly if you could tell me where you saw her today. I've been looking for her but I can't found her."

"Well it's been time. It was early in the morning, long before the dawn. She headed to the mountains but trust me you should wait. I've been watching her for weeks now. She always comes back and it's impossible to track her in the woods", Danius answered. "Thank you very much. I will still try to track her down from the woods. Xena may be good but I'm a hunter. I've used to follow almost invisible tracks." Hercules stated. He knew Xena was impossible to track but maybe she left some mark now when she was not so careful. "Good luck for that!" The son of scribe yelled after him.

-.-

It was just as hard as Hercules had thought it would be. He found several begins but all of them were old, at least two days olds. He ended up running back and forth calling her friend. There were some moments he was sure he saw some shadow or movement but when he turned the nature looked untouched.

After several hours of ineffectual searching he decided to give up and head back to the tavern. He secretly wished that Xena would be back by now. "Hey Cyrene. Has Xena returned?" He questioned from the tavern keeper. "No, I haven't seen her after yesterday evening." The older woman handled the demi-god a tankard of ale and sat opposite Hercules. "I heard from a boy called Dinius, Dosius… I'm not sure about the name. He said he was the son of scribe…"

"You must mean Danius", Cyrene interrupted. "Yup, Danius was his name. Anyway he had seen Xena going to the woods. I tried to search her from there but it was impossible. I guess she knows that forest better than anyone." Cyrene chuckled. "Of course she does. You think she wouldn't know her own forest while she knows almost every other. She will come back. Even as a child she did that all the time. Okay in those times she tried to hunt something or play with the other kids but all the same. Just wait and make yourself comfortable." She turned to serve other customers and Hercules immersed himself in his thoughts.

At the moment he was living in the middle of the maybe biggest mess he had ever cut in. Gabrielle was dead, Xena totally collapsed and Joxer full of hate and fury. Then there were families and friends, both Xena's and Gabrielle's. Even though Cyrene never showed it, she was not pleased what had happened to Gabrielle. She knew the situation better than anyone. She had told to him Xena that after molding and triggering Xena she had been able to make Xena talk. It hadn't been a conversation like he had had last with Xena. It had been deeper in many perspectives. The connection between mother and daughter was always different. As much as you sometimes may hate the other you always make things up. In the end it's all about the selfless love. It is possible to make even deeper connection with someone else but that was rare, very rare.

Hercules was pulled back from his thoughts when the diner guests started to arrival. Like in the morning most of the customers were town folks. The key to popularity was cheap but tasty food and the atmosphere. Tavern was the place where they took care of their social lives after the tough day in the fields. There were other bars in Amphipolis as well but Cyrene's was the most popular but unlike in Cyrene's bar the others were full of gossip and derision of Xena. If someone did that in Cyrene's she threw they out faster than they were able to apologize. She was mother after all and everything she did she did to protect her daughter.

-.-

Xena didn't return until after the sunset. She regretted that she had talked so much with Hercules. He couldn't possible understand her or help her. She felt herself so weak when she had shared her problems with him. The only persons she opened up were her mother and Gabrielle. For her it was like showing where to hit to slay her. She had spent her day thinking like she had many times before that. Hercules had tried to look for her but she hadn't been interest to talk with him. Before she went back home she went to ask how long it would still take to finish copying the scrolls. She knew the scribe had also other jobs to do so it would take some time but some kind schedule relaxed her mind. It had been hard to leave the scrolls there. It had felt like she had left a big part of Gabrielle behind. When she was gone her items were the only thing that remind of her if the memories were not counted.

Most of the streets were tolerably empty. She walked past the tavern of twilight which was full of drunken farmers. Unlike her mother tavern, twilight didn't serve any food. It was only for drinking and that's why banned from children. The scribe's office was two blocks from there. She was not sure if it was still open because most of the shops weren't. Though she had met the scribe many times before, she didn't remember his name. There had been more important things that his name when she had last time years ago needed his services last time.

For her luck it was open. When she entered she noticed young man sitting at the desk. He was totally concentrated to his work but raised his gaze when she entered. "Hello", Xena began. "I'm looking for the older man who was here yesterday. Do you know where he is?" Boy raised his slim body from the chair and walked to the counter. "You mean dad? We went to pick up more scrolls from our storage. Is there something you need, I'm sure I can help you."

"Well yes, I was walking past your shop and I decided to come here to ask if you can give me some kind of schedule when the scrolls I ordered are ready. Not like I'm hurrying you or anything but those scrolls mean a lot for me." The boy smiled and walked that to his desk. "You mean the scrolls of your feats? Actually they are almost ready. I'm helping my dad so I don't think I will take so long anymore. I have to admit I'm your fan. I love stories of your exploits. They are so well written and so full of actions and feelings that I just have to get more and more and more", he praised.

They were interrupted by his father who entered the shop hands full of empty scrolls. "Good evening Xena. I didn't expect to found you in here. How may I serve you?" He walked behind the counter and placed the scrolls to the table. "I came to ask how long it about takes to finish the copying. Your son told me you are progressing faster than you thought." Scribe's smile widened. "Yes. My son decided to help me. He is a big fan of your and fast writer as well. With his help, I'm sure we are ready tomorrow. This has been one of the most pleasant tasks I've had in years. It is good variance for the endless piles for legal documents and divorce applications that most of my works are." Darius was proud that his father mentioned him for the warrior princess. He was full of joy when Xena gave him approving smile before turning back to his father. "Oh that is good to hear. I'm grateful for both of you are that you gave this job so big priority. I will be back tomorrow. Just say the price, I'm ready to pay as much as you need."

Few moments later Xena found herself in front of her mother's tavern. She had left before dawn without telling anybody. She had hunted her breakfast and lunch from the forest but still she was a little bit hungry. Her cooking skills were far from Gabrielle's so for the last years she had let her to go the cooking. The rabbit she had cooked earlier had been eatable but not very tasty.

She was not sure what was waiting for her inside. Her mother would of course be there waiting for her as well as Hercules. She knew it had been rude to leave without leaving any note but at the morning her only thought had been 'I have to get out of here'. She hadn't thought what Hercules, her mother or anybody else would think.

She took a last deep breath and stepped inside. Although the house was full of customers she noticed her mother and her friend very quickly. Tall demi-god was standing next to the counter while her mother filled tankards of ale and sold them to the thirsty customers. Hercules noticed her first and a smile appeared to his face.

"Good morning Xena. It was time you woke up", he laughed when Xena was close enough to hear. "I eh, I'm sorry." She answered and mentally received her mother's angry stare. "I needed some time to think." She felt herself like a five year old kid explaining why she had run away without saying a word. "Well you could have at least left some note or something like that. It was rude to leave like that when there is someone who wants to spend time with you", her mother upbraid her. "It's okay Xena. I know it was not easy for you to talk me so openly like you did last night", Hercules interrupted. He was not sure where the conversation was leading to but he didn't want any dispute between Cyrene and her daughter.

"Come on let's try to find one empty table. I don't know about you but I'm a bit hungry", Hercules decided to change the subject of the conversation. Like he had suspect, the debate between Xena and her mother had ended up to dispute. Cyrene was angry to Xena of being thoughtless and selfish and Xena didn't tolerate the tone of her mother because she hated when her mother talked to her like she talked to kids. "Oh yea that's good idea Hercules", the older woman repeated. "Go and sit down. I will bring you something to eat."

They ate mostly in silence. Hercules tried to read Xena's body language as much as possible. He understood there was something bothering her but he was not sure if it was only the Gabrielle's dead or if there was something else. After couple of good mouthfuls he decided to break the ice and ask directly. "Xena I appreciate you shared your pain with me yesterday. I know it was hard and I understood why you left today. It is just, well, is there something else bothering you. This is the best situation to share whatever it is. You need to get all the pain out of you. Until you do that you won't get better." She stared him for a good while. "You think I want to get better?" She finally asked. "Everybody wants you to get better. I know you want too."

"Last time this happened I wanted to revenge and that thought pushed me forward. The vengeance was an obsession for me many years. When I finally found Cortese I already knew Gabrielle. I never killed him. She had made me understand the revenge was not the way. I told that to my older brother, Toris. Cortese was thrown to jail and I felt pleased. Still, that didn't bring Lyceus back. Now I can't revenge and that's why there is not that power to help me over it. I don't know what to do. I know I'm vulnerable at the moment. Ares had already tried dozens of times to get me back. I'm lost and I need some direction." She was pleased after she had been able to say it aloud.

"You will found the direction. You always do. Don't you remember how lost you were after we destroyed Darphus. You found your new direction and I'm very proud of that." Xena interrupted him by snorting. "Yes I found a new direction because of Gabrielle. You mean I should find a new Gabrielle somewhere. Tell her or him that I may kill you on some point if you are not careful. I can't, I can't travel with anybody anymore." Her body language was strong and aggressive. "You don't have to find another Gabrielle. She is unique. What I mean you just need to find new purpose to your life. Maybe not even a new. Just discover the old one again."

"You want me to become a warlord again?" Xena asked ironically. "Start helping people again. That is your legacy and that is what Gabrielle will proudly watch you doing. Fight the evil until you are old. Make the world better place for all of us." Xena turned her gaze back to her plate. "I can't do that", she whispered. "Why? Because of Gabrielle?" She sniffed. "Also because of her", she muttered. "There is something else, isn't there?"

"Ares cursed me." She sighted. "What you mean?" Hercules asked confused. He was aware of Cyrene who was now listening very carefully behind the counter but fortunately she didn't look angry anymore. "It happened a couple weeks ago." Xena began. "He came to meet me and we talked. I tried to kick him out and he tried to get me back. In the end he said that my problem was my age. His opinion is that I think I'm too old to be a warlord. I have no idea where he pulled that but anyway he said so. He said his gift for me is eternal youngness. I don't remember how many years he gave; 20, 25 or something like that. He said I won't age anymore but after those days I will just die. I felt the warmness and I hear the voices when he made the spell. He cursed me to youngness forever. He forced me to be young and able to fight as long as I live."

Hercules was silence for a while. He had heard the gasps of Cyrene and the melancholic tone of Xena when she told her story. He was not sure what to say. "I don't think he cursed you", he said after a while. "He gives promises and so on but he rarely actually does something. Most of the time he only casts fake spells and then laughs behind their back. That is his way to gain trust and alliances. When people notice his fraud, it's usually too late to do anything."

"I know that but still I'm confused. I've never even thought about the fact I'm getting older. I don't know where he pulled it and frankly I don't even care. It's just that how quickly he was able to shatter my world. First Gabrielle, then this. I'm not sure how long I can tolerate his plots and charm. Without Gabrielle I'm not sure if I can resist him forever." Cyrene walked past Hercules and hugged her daughter closely. "Remember Xena, always remember. Whatever he tries, remember Gabrielle. She gave you strength to resist Ares so many years. You that love she gave you to resist him. Her soul is watches over you. She may have been angry for you in the beginning but she can see the guilty you carry. Resist Ares and make her proud of you. Make her smile in Elysian."

"Thank you mom, I love you." She released her mom from her bear hug. "If you don't mind I would like to go to sleep but I promise I won't run away like I did this morning." Cyrene smiled to her grown up baby. "Good night Xena, sleep well." She gave her another hug before pushing her to the door. "Wait for me my friend. I will go to sleep as well", Hercules said quickly and stood up.

They walked together to the upper floor. Hercules was staying at the first room from the right. "I'm really grateful that you came. Many wouldn't in your situation." Hercules smirked. "Well, I have always been different that other people. When I hear about this couldn't believe it. The second thought was that I wanted to see you. I knew you needed my help to get back up and I promise I will do anything to help you." They hugged friendly before Hercules withdrew to his room. "God night Xena", he whispered ones more before closing his door.

End of part 11

I'm sorry I've been busy lately but now when the summer holidays begin I will try to update bit more often. :P


	12. I do believe

**Chapter 12 – I do believe**

"Did you slept well?" Cyrene asked when Xena walked to the kitchen next morning. She had been a little bit afraid Xena would take off again. When she had been little she had always walked her own path and had never cared about any rules or forbidden areas.

"Well yes, my night was decent. Hey do you have any breakfast I'm starving", Xena murmured and leaned to the counter where last night's dishes were piled up to a huge stack. "Sure. Go to the dining room and help yourself", her mother answered and returned to stir her porridge. "Oh c'mon mother. Don't you want to spoil me? I would love to just wait here while you go and grab me something to eat", Xena laughed.

"It depends if you want me to act like you would still be four. Of course if you do that then I would keep that up for the rest of my life but it's your call. Choose wisely." When Xena had been young she had always complained when she had been treated like other kids of her age. "Oh yea and what would that mean, bedtime stories, housework, babysitter? Nah, I'm not interest but I'm still waiting that breakfast", she answered and picked up one dirty plate. "By the way mother you were lazy last night. You haven't even washed these and the sun is already up", she continued and laughed to her mother's look.

"Dear daughter of mine, I will kick you out of here without any food if you keep that up." She was happy when she saw Xena smiling and joking for her. It had been so long since she had seen her daughter happy. "Okay okay you won. Do you need help with these dishes or can you handle them on your own?"

"Well that wouldn't hurt me if you help but if you don't want to its okay", she answered and turned her focus back to the porridge. "I will just eat something and then I will help you. I think I own that for you after yesterday. By the way do you know has Herc already woken up?" Her mother made a sound to describe her irritability. "I haven't seen him today but yes, you definitely own us something after yesterday. He came to here, against every possible odds you can think of, and wanted to help you. What I can't understand is why on earth did you decided to run away from him. This is your chance to get better, start living again and continue your life. I give you advice, don't waste it. Gabrielle wouldn't want you to end up like this. You may look like your okay for everybody else but I know you better…" Xena sighed and tried to interrupt. "Mother…", she began.

"No Xena, don't interrupt me now. I know you are only a shell of that what you used to be. You have to start living again. You have always said that this kind of life, farming and living in a same place longer than a month is not for you. As much as I hate to admit it you belong to road. Take the gift that gods gave you and team with Hercules. He is good man, brave and loyal, I'm sure you are happy with him. Let him show the path again. I understand he is not a replacement for Gabrielle but you need someone. Don't waste this opportunity."

"Mom I… You mean you are kicking me out of here? I mean yes you may be right but I'm not sure how I can do that. Everyday life on road, bandits, saving people and so on I'm not sure if I can even handle it anymore. Only a single thought of it reminds me of Gabrielle and she reminds me of what I did. I know I should get over it but I haven't found any solution." Cyrene gave last quick look to her porridge before wrapping her arms around her daughter. "You are strong. I'm not saying you have to get over it. You just have to accept she is gone and hope you meet again someday. You have to give her your love and use her as your source of energy. She is now with Lyceous and Solan. They all know how much you love and care about them. I know it's hard but you have to move on."

Xena leaned her head to her mother's forehead. "I know. I just… I'm not emotional person. It's not easy to speak about my feeling or anything like that. I'm grateful that both you and Hercules care about me so much. You have equal right to be mad at me but you are not", she mumbled after a while. "Yes and that is because I'm your mother. I love you no matter what happens."

They stayed still few moments before Cyrene sent her daughter to eat breakfast. She was happy that she had been able to push Xena talk even something. The easiest way to heal one's heart was make the one talk about it. For Xena it was extremely hard because she had always kept her thoughts inside her head and had acted more likely than talked.

-.-

When the main room was empty, Cyrene decided it was time to clean the room from top to bottom. She was washing the floor when Hercules walked in from the back door. "Xena was at the kitchen fighting with the dishes and didn't need any help so I came to help you. What can I do for you?" he asked when noticed what she was doing. "Oh you are our guest. Like I have told you before you don't have to do anything", Cyrene replayed and tried to push her broom under one of the tables. "Let me help you with that", Hercules continued like he wouldn't have heard what Cyrene had answered to him. He walked to her side and picked up the table so she had better access to the rubbish underneath the table. "Thank you dear", Cyrene murmured and together they cleaned the rest of the floor.

Few hours later the pile of dirty plates was gone thanks to Xena and the tavern shining thanks to Cyrene and Hercules. "Hey mother if you don't mind I would like to visit one place before evening", Xena stated when she entered the tavern. Hercules and Cyrene were sitting at one of the tables admiring the shining of the room. "You are adult, you are not bounded to here", Cyrene remind her and smiled. "However", she continued before anybody was able to say anything. "I hope you take Hercules with you. Like I told you earlier he is here because of you. It's not nice to ignore him, especially after yesterday."

Xena shrugged. "Sure but I was just going to the shop nearby. There is something I orderedI have to pick up", she answered. "Of course if you want to come. You don't have to if you don't want to", she continued and placed the tankard she had carried to the counter. "Of course I would like to come with you", Hercules replied quickly and stood up.

They walked the street in silence. Xena was still not sure how to approach the subject and began the conversation. For her luck Hercules decided to break the silence. "So where are we going?" he asked. "To pick up my order", Xena answered shortly. "Yes you mentioned that earlier. Want to tell me what you have ordered?" he tried again. "Well, it is a long story", Xena murmured. "Can't be that long", Hercules laughed.

"Hmm, well. Not so long after all", she began after a quick minute. "The day when you arrived I decided I had to do something. As much as mother would like to deny it I know the stories they are spreading of what happened to Gabrielle. The thing I don't understand is why they don't know why. Most of the stories I've heard describes very precisely what happened that day but it seem like nobody knows what happened before that day or why I was so angry when I did it. You said it was Joxer who spreads the story so that explains me a part of it but not everything. I mean I think he doesn't want make people pity me because I lost my son but still I'm a little bit surprised.

Anyway, that just came to my mind. It has nothing to do with this thing. Back to the day you came. Actually I was just coming from the scribe's office when met that day." She let her voice to fade. Hercules watched her but didn't say anything. He sensed that Xena was going to continue without his request. "That morning I decided that I have to do something. It was just an idea that popped to mind that morning. I don't know if you knew but I still have Gabrielle's scrolls. Most of them are unique, never been copied before. I've been reading then over and over again. It's a mystery how someone can write like that. It's like when I read them I was able to see everything in front of my eyes. I mean it was the first time I ever read her texts.

Anyway, I wanted the world remember her as a great bard she was so I made my mind and I asked the scribe to copy the scrolls so I could donate them to the academy of Athens. That way I can guarantee that her inheritance will stay alive", Xena ended her story and suddenly found her feet very interesting. "Don't be ashamed Xena. That is a wonderful idea. I bet she is smiling and watching us while listening your thoughts. Every bards dream is to be famous and I bet if you give the copies to the academy she will become even better-known than ever before", he encouraged stoic warrior. "I know that but it feels so… weird. Most of her texts are about me or events we have lived though. She made me the hero, it's like she thought me as an equal to you. It's just, well, she doesn't speak much about herself. She describes herself like a shadow I pull behind me. I hope she didn't think like that but in some point I read her stories I had that feeling. I mean I never thought her as my burden. For me she was always my equal."

Hercules was not able to answer her when Xena pulled the door of the scribe's office open. The scent of old scrolls and expensive ink hit their senses. "Hello Xena we were expecting you. The scrolls are ready", Danius babbled when he noticed who came in. "Oh hello there. I remember you", Hercules greeted the boy when he realized who he was. "Hercules! Oh my god two heroes in our shop at the same time. This is so wicked!" He yelled and jumped up and down like a crazy monkey. "He is a big fan of you", Hercules whispered to Xena. "..and me", he continued when he saw Xena's cheerful smile.

"Danius, my son, calm down, will you, please" the older man said while walking to the shop from the backdoor. "But look dad. There are two absolutely the best heroes in the world in our shop. It's so cool, I can't believe it", youngster kept babbling. Older man placed his hand to his son's shoulder attempting to stop his crazy jumping. "That's enough", he said quietly and Danius stopped his dance.

"Hello my name is Matikles, I'm the scribe of the Amphipolis. It's honor to meet you Hercules", he continued and shook Hercules' hand. Xena thanked the gods in her mind that she finally heard the name of the man. She had spent most of the last night trying to remember the scribe's name. "Hello it's nice to Matikles", Hercules answered in a polite way.

When the compliments were managed Matikles turned to Xena. "Your scrolls are ready", he smiled. "I have to say it has been one of the most pleasant jobs I have had in a long time. It was also good to see my son working with me. I guess I don't have to say it aloud that he is a great fan of yours. I had to command him to sleep last night. If I hadn't done that he would have probably been awake the whole night finishing your scrolls." Danius blushed deeply when his father reproached him. "Well I would have gone sleeping. I thought it just before you came to yell at me", he tried to explain.

"Don't worry kid you are not the only one who loves those scrolls", Hercules laughed and thought about Iolaus. He remembered when they had last time met Xena and Gabrielle. Iolaus had spent most of the time with Gabrielle listening or reading her stories. He couldn't thought more dedicated fan of Gabrielle than Iolaus was.

His thoughts drifted to Iolaus and Joxer while Xena checked and paid the scrolls. He had left him near the village of Potedia over a week ago. He hadn't been ready to meet Gabrielle's family at that moment. He had decided to find Xena before facing more devastated friends and in this case family members of Gabrielle. He knew Iolaus was able to handle and comfort Joxer if he needed a shoulder. Being a messenger of sorrow was never easy, especially when you knew the victim.

He was not completely sure what Iolaus would have said if he had told where he wanted to go. Iolaus had forgiven Xena long time ago but the seed was still inside him. Hercules also knew about the crush Iolaus had had for Gabrielle. Like most love sick puppies Iolaus wanted to protect the young bard in every possibly way when they were together. He didn't know if Gabrielle had had any that kind of romantic feelings for Iolaus but she had always enjoyed the time they had spent sitting next to each other reading, talking and laughing.

"Hey time to go buddy", Xena dragged him back to present. "You have been staring the same spot for long enough. Let's go back to mom's, I'm sure she needs at least my help with the customers tonight. Of course if you want you can go where ever you want but at least I'm going back", she continued and waved her last goodbyes to Matikles and his son. The back full of both original and copied scrolls hanged on her shoulder. "Oh yeah I was just thinking", Hercules murmured quickly and stepped back to the busy street Xena right behind him.

"What were you thinking about?" Xena asked when they headed back to the tavern. "I was just thinking about Iolaus. It is rare we don't travel together", Hercules answered. "I understand you. It was hard for me when I was separated from Gabrielle, only for a night or two, if I was needed somewhere else and I had to leave her behind", she whispered and wiped a tear from her cheek. It was her normal reaction when she talked about Gabrielle.

"It's just that I didn't even tell him where I was going. I just said I had to go", Hercules said after a short minute. "I was not sure what he would have said if I had told him I wanted to meet you. He loved Gabby and was very pissed off when he heard about it. I thought it was better if he stayed with Joxie. He needed him more than I did." Xena stopped and raised her hand to her tall friend's shoulder. "Hercules I don't want to mess up your friendship with Joxer or Iolaus. If you being here prevents or disturbs your connection with Iolaus go back to him. Don't choose me if he is on the other side of the scale. I know they both hate me at the moment and you should too. What I did was selfish and stupid. I let Ares guide me and here we are, I lost both my best friend and my son. I can never forgive myself that I never told Solan I am his mother or Gabrielle how important she really was for me. All in all that doesn't matter anymore. Everybody hates me because they are dead and there is nothing I can do for it", he turned her back to Hercules and began to walk again.

"How many times I have to say they both love you and follow your every step from Elysian. You were able to get back on your feet ones, you can do that again. Remember you don't have to be alone. I will come with you to Athens if you want my company. It will be the next step of your recovery. After that only the sky is the limit. You are a warrior; you always fall just to get up again. Sometimes you just need some assistance to do so", he tried to encourage the stoic warrior.

It was funny how fast Xena's mood changed. Minute before she had been calm and happy, now she was angry and sad. "Are you sure you are not pregnant for your mood swings are pretty massive", he tried to joke when Xena didn't say anything. "Thanks for asking no I'm not. In the order to be so woman needs certain contact with a man which I haven't had in a long time", she snapped and walked even faster. "Hey c'mon it was only a joke" he tried to yell after her but she was already too far to hear it.

-.-

"Hey Cyrene have you seen Xena?" Hercules asked from the tavern keeper when he walked in. "Yes actually I have. She was here just a minute ago but she went to see Argo. She asked me to tell you she would like to talk with you if you are up to it. Did you fight or what happened, she looked a bit pale", she replayed and gave him an angry stare. "I guess you could say so. I hit a sensitive spot and she got mad", Hercules snorted. "Thanks anyway, I'm going to see her", he continued and returned back outside.

Stables were not far away from the main building. Xena stand in Argo's stall brushing her golden mane. "Hey there, how is she?" Hercules asked when he was close enough for Xena to hear him. "I've been neglecting her for weeks. It's a miracle she even lets me to brush her", she answered before turning her full attention back to her beloved horse.

"I'm sorry, really sorry", she whispered after a long minute. "About what happened earlier, I didn't mean to snap at you I was just selfish like I always am", she let her tiers to sink in Argo's mane. "Stop that it's right to be mad, even I am sometimes…" Xena's snort broke his sentence. "Not always about me please", she pleaded. "You were talking about Iolaus, how is he?" Hercules had to have a short minute for himself to reorganize his thoughts. He hadn't prepared to a question like that. "We, ehm…, he was fine when we last time met."

"It's been all about me we have been talking about. Tell me what you have been doing since we met last time", Xena pushed the semi-god further. "Well, last months we spent at the Marathon. The Persians attacked there only a few months ago. First we helped them to defense and fight, then we helped them to rebuild. It would have been quite a mess if the Persians had conquered the city. Anyway that is most we have been doing since we last met", he explained with a huge grin on his face. "Persians are not easy opponents", Xena murmured. "You have fought against them?" Hercules had to ask. "Yea, long time ago. I lost almost my entire army before I understood to pull back", she hissed to her memory. "Anyway it was long time ago. How is your lovely father? Is he doing okay?" He had to laugh before he was able to answer. "I guess he is doing okay. Honestly, I don't care so much."

They were silence for a long time. Hercules' hand sneaked itself to Argo's muzzle and he began to smooth her. "I would be pleased if you come with me", Xena stated quietly still focusing to Argo's mane. She felt guilty for ignoring her beloved horse during the past weeks. "What do you mean?" Hercules asked and stepped behind her. "To Athens. I would be pleased if you decided to come with me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that journey alone." Hercules warped his hand around Xena's waist. "I would like to come with you. We can leave as soon as you are ready", he whispered to her ear.

End of part 12


	13. Don't go

**Chapter 13 – Don't go**

Sun was already high in the sky when Xena woke up. She was in no hurry to get up from the bed. Birds were singing outside her room's window and the streets were full of busy people. It was the market day and the city was full of people. Families and merchants from the nearest villages and towns had arrived to sell their handicrafts and rare items. Stalls of exotic food and drinks were already almost empty because everybody loved to try something new.

Xena laid still listening the noises of the busy city. She had always hated crowds and market days. Before she had became a warlord she used to escape from the city before the market event. Only times she had spent her time shopping something useless were with Gabrielle. She had loved to spent hours groping every possible little item she was able to found from the stalls. Xena hadn't ever met anybody who would love shopping more than Gabrielle. It sounded funny that her best friend had been shopaholic because Xena herself hated it so deeply.

She got up from the bed slowly and spent enough time to wash her face and brush her hair. Those were things she didn't normally do but that morning she wanted to procrastinate as much as possible. She had decided to leave to Athens as soon as possible which meant as soon as Argo was saddled. She was pleased that Hercules had promised to come with her but at the same time she was nervous about it. When she had travelled alone to home few months ago she had decided never travel with anybody anymore.

Her saddlebags were still half packed; she hadn't had any interests to unpack when she had arrived home. With heavy heart she unpacked Gabrielle's items and placed them to shelf in her wardrobe. She knew they would be safe because her mother never let anybody to stay at her room, even when the tavern was full and customers without any place to sleep would have paid extra to rent her room.

She took a deep breath before turning her attention back to her wardrobe. She knew she couldn't walk around the countryside without any protection now when she had more enemies than ever before. Still, dressing her amour was something she didn't want to do. For years it had been natural for her to use that specific outfit day after day after day. It had been her second skin, the metal that hugged her body and the familiar smell of leather had comforted her and without the dress she had felt naked. With divided attention she touched the metal ornaments and the deep brown leather while remembering all the funny situations she and Gabrielle had ended up because of the stubbornness not to wear anything else.

Sharp knock to her door pulled her back to the present. She was still in her nightshirt when she went to open the door. "Morning darling I was just wandering if you were still sleeping", her mother explained and hugged her tightly. "I heard you finally decided to do something more than dwell in your guilt. It's wonderful what you have done. I mean I'm sure she appreciates your actions", she continued. "What?" was only thing Xena was able to produce from her mouth. "What are you talking about?"

Her mother gave her another hearty smile before answering. "Oh darling I thought you are morning person but I assume you are still half asleep. I was talking about your trip to Athens. Hercules told me all about it earlier. I love you idea about the scrolls." She pulled a slim packed from her pocket. "Here, pack these as well. It contains some basic cooking oils and spices. No offence I know you are not very good cook but spices makes even the worst cooking taste like heaven if you know how to use them." It was Xena's time to smile and invite her mother to her room. "Ah, one of those things I am not waiting for. You know if there is any change to screw up for example porridge I'm the one that does it. Not even spices can save me. It's a miracle I've been able to avoid cooking as much as I have in the last years. First I had an army that cooked my meal then I had Gabrielle." She smiled a little bit though her smile didn't reach her eyes. "Oh dear, I should have forced you to learn how to cook when you were little." Xena took the packet from her mother and put it to her saddle pack. She was not sure if she was ever going to use them but at least now she was able to say that she owned some. "And I would have destroyed your kitchen every time you would have done so", she answered and once again focused to her wardrobe.

"Mother I have a problem", she began but kept a long break before continuing again. "I am not strong enough to do it." She closed her eyes and tried to force the pain away. "You are not strong enough to do what?" her mother asked and stepped closer. "I tried to chance my lifestyle because I was weak. I was not ready to face the fact that sometimes you do thing you regret. It's pathetic because I have already faced it dozens of times. Only difference is that this time I lost the only person who would have been able to help me through the pain of losing first my son, then my best friend."

"Xena don't. I know you are in pain but you have to let it go. I know it is hard to step back in your life. Let me help you as much as I can. Come here", her mother whispered and took her daughter's gear from the wardrobe. "I don't want to push you use this and you know how much I would like to see you not wearing weapons and so on but that is you and that is what keeps you going. That is what makes you… you", she continued and helped her daughter to close all the hooks and straps. "Thank you mother. I don't what would have happened without you and your support." Her mother gave her a protective hug. "You know that is my job honey. Every mother wants to protect their children. Even you know that when you decided to give your son away to protect him." She was rewarded with a sad smile from her daughter. "Let me help you to pack your packs. Then we will eat early lunch and then it's your time to go back where you belong."

-.-

Few hours later Xena found herself from the road to south. She knew it would take almost a week to reach Athens and the weather would become a problem but she didn't care. The copies of Gabrielle's scrolls were packed safely deep inside her water-proof saddle bag so they wouldn't even accidentally get wet. Because Hercules didn't own a horse she had decided to walk with him and Argo with their belongings followed her one step behind.

"You should sent him a message or something", Xena after a few minutes of silence. "To whom?" he questioned. He had been thinking about the trip they were about to begin. He had just admitted to himself that he hadn't ever been travelling with Xena alone. When he had first time travelled with Xena, just after her change from the evil warlord, there had been first Salmoneus and later also Iolaus. Back on those days Xena had still been very inward-looking and full of guilt. She hadn't let her stoic warrior look to drop, not even for a second. Later when they had travelled together few times there had always been Gabrielle with them. Not that he didn't want the girl to be with them, he loved her as a friend and liked her stories and talkative personality, but the truth was he had never been really alone with Xena like he was now.

"To Iolaus, and Joxer if he is still with him. You literally run away from them. If you ask me you should at least tell them you are alright and on your way to Athens. Okay, maybe you don't have to tell about Athens because I don't want to face Joxer yet but anyway you can see my point."

"If I know Iolaus he has already figured out where I went", Hercules murmured. He had again fallen into the thoughts. "But I do see your point", he continued before Xena was able to answer. "Then why Iolaus just let you go?" Xena wondered aloud. "I mean he did like Gabby a lot and we don't have so golden history. Why did he let you come for me?" Hercules gazed her for a while. "I don't think he hates you. Joxie told us about most of the events that happened before you did what you did. He knows what happened, right from the Britannia to the cliff. The world knows only the last part of the story but Iolaus knows the beginning as well. He has a golden heart, I'm sure he understands at least some part of your actions. Actually we talked about it after Joxie told us about the events and the only thing we didn't understand was the reason you ended up doing it. Back then we didn't know about Ares, and his ways to interrupt your mourning, and now that I can give him the answer why you did it I'm sure you can still be friends."

"The world knows only the part where I stormed to the village, sent half of the Amazons to the healer's hut, grabbed Gabrielle and… and then I, then I killed her. It's weird that no-one wants to know why I did it." She shook her head. It was easy subject to speak about but, like Gabrielle had always told to her 'it helps when you talk about it', this time it literally made her feel better. "Maybe they does but there is no-one telling them the rest of the story", her tall friend explained his opinion.

"Joxer only told them the part about you killing her. Amazons are withdrawn community they won't come out to talk about it and Joxer don't want people to pity you so it's your job to tell the world what really happened. It may not give anything for you but some people would understand it better. Besides, the whole world doesn't hate you. Everybody, even I, makes mistakes but people understand. There are some stories about me doing something very stupid because I was drunk. I am not proud of it but people still love me. At the beginning they always remembered to tease me about it but in time it was forgotten mostly because I didn't give up. I continued saving innocent people and killing ridiculous monsters that almost ate me. People kept telling stories about me and the journeys I made and soon I was as popular as I had been."

"So you say I should just keep fighting for greater good and in time people forgot Gabrielle?" Xena asked nervously. "I don't think they forgot Gabby. I mean she is very popular author but I think you can gain back your lost reputation little by little. World needs heroes but even heroes are humans and makes mistakes." He looked at Xena and noticed her smiling. "So you were drunk. Tell me what you did to dent your reputation."

-.-

They travelled the whole day talking about everything that popped to their minds. Time went quick and when they finally noticed their hunger it was almost the sunset. "You know it's rare we didn't meet any bandit or anybody who you have needed our help", Hercules wondered aloud. "True, not that I missed any of those", Xena admitted and stopped Argo. They had arrived to the camp zone she usually used when she left south from Amphipolis. "When I last time were at home we stopped here, me and Gabrielle", she said aloud. "We don't have to stay here if you don't want to", Hercules said quickly when he understood what kind of memories the place would surface. "No, no, it's okay. I can unpack cooking and sleeping supplies if you collect some wood for campfire", she instruct. "Sure, take your time", Hercules answered and left looking for wood.

In no time they had decent fire and clean camp. Only thing they needed was something to eat. "I can go hunt something", Xena offered and stood up. "No wait a second. You sit here and enjoy, I can hunt something", Hercules insisted and pushed Xena back to sitting position. "I will be back in no time", he called before disappearing to the forest around them. "Okay", Xena told to the fire.

She hadn't used to sit and wait at the camp while someone else was doing her job which had always been the hunting. For a second she thought she could prepare the dinner but before she found herself trying to mix marinade she realized she would only destroy the meal. Spices and oils were something she refused to touch. It was ironic because she knew almost every herb and root that grew in Greece. She knew what to mix and how much to make deadly poisons or healing potions. It was natural for her but of course, in potions the taste was not the major thing.

She began to think what Gabrielle had done when she had been hunting their diners. Normally she had always prepared the meal but she had already decided it was not good idea. After preparing the meal her young bard had usually started to write or read her scrolls and parchments. Xena decided that was not for her, nor she had any scrolls she would have wanted to read if she didn't count the ones she had packed very carefully and because she didn't own the skills of bard she didn't want to try writing. Her sword was sharp enough and her leathers were clean so she didn't have to maintain them either.

In the end she ended up staring the fire and minding her life. She had lost so much when her son and best friend had died that nothing else mattered anymore. She was angry for herself that she hadn't told to Solan she was his mother. Now when she thought about it she didn't understand why she had been afraid. Solan had probably been angry or sad for her when he had figured out his relationship for her. She thought what it had felt when you understand your friend is really your mother. Of course there was a change that Solan had figured out the bond before he had died. Maybe he had known before he had asked her to take him with her.

"He understands you", familiar voice told to her. Xena almost lost her consciousness when she recognized the sound and saw her beloved blond companion standing at the tree line. "Are you real?" she asked stunned and stared the face she had missed for weeks. "As real as you want me to be", Gabrielle answered and sat next to the fire, opposite the place where Xena sat.

She looked just like Xena remembered her. Blond long curls framed her perfect face and the penetrating green eyes stared her lovingly. She smiled her cute smile, the one that Xena was never able to resist, and looked so happy. She wore the green halter top and the brown skirt that she always did. Even her body language was the same. "You are dead", Xena was able to gag. She had no idea why Gabrielle was sitting in front of her but she didn't care. The only thing she cared was the fact that Gabrielle was actually sitting there.

"Am I?" Gabrielle questioned and picked up a stick and poked the fire with it. "I don't feel very dead." Xena stared her for a long minute memorizing every single little curve of her friend's body. "But I killed you", she whispered quietly. She was afraid to say it aloud when she sat face to face with her little bard. "Like I said I am as real as you want me to be", she repeated herself. "So you are not real", Xena whispered. "If you say so then I'm not." She smiled like nothing had ever happened. "So you come from my mind", Xena tried to understand the confusing situation. "If you want to believe so then yes I come from your mind but that doesn't make me any less real to you." Xena was not sure whether to jump up and close the distance between them or stay where we was. She didn't notice the tears that escaped from her eyes. "I'm so sorry Gabrielle I really am. I never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe me", Xena sobbed. "Don't cry my warrior. There is nothing you can do for it anymore. I may be dead but I will always live inside your heart", her voice was soft and caring. "I can't forgive myself Gabrielle."

"I don't want you to drown in your own guilt. I want you to remember me as I was. I want you to continue your life, you don't have to forget me but you have to understand this mourning is not going to help you at all." Xena wiped her tears that were already reached her mouth. "Why now, why you didn't come back sooner?" she asked. "You invited me. That is the reason I came here tonight." "But I was just hoping I could talk to you one more time. It's not like dead people can decide when they return back among living."

"I didn't come from Elysian. I came from your mind", the answer was lovingly but Gabrielle's smile didn't reach her eye. "So you are a hallucination?" Xena was finally able to state. "Yes but you don't have to think I am not real. As long as you believe I'm as real that rock over there", she answered and pointed a rock next to Argo's front hooves. "This is insane", Xena hissed before she was able to stop herself. "You want me to go?" Gabrielle asked sadly. "No, don't go, I didn't mean that. I don't care if you are hallucination I love you too much. Don't ever leave me again!" Gabrielle only smiled for her. "I'm sorry Xena I can't keep that promise", her tone was melancholic.

Xena gazed the fire and shut her eyes. "Now that I'm gone promise me you don't do anything insane. I don't want you to sacrifice yourself because of me", Gabrielle whispered. Xena had no idea what to think about the situation which was absurd. "I need you to control myself", she whispered and raised her gaze back to her best friend but she was already gone. "Don't go little one, don't leave me again. I'm so lost without you", she whispered and started to cry again.

-.-

Hercules returned just after the sun set. He had been able to catch two rabbits, one big and another a little bit smaller. When he arrived he found Xena sitting by the fire staring at the flames. He noticed she had been crying but she didn't do it anymore. "Hey I brought some rabbits." Xena didn't response to his words. "Is everything okay?" Hercules tried again. "Yeah, sorry I was thinking." She was able to move her gaze away from the fire. "I'm sorry I'm the worst cook in the known world. You have to do something for those. If you put me cooking them you are not going to wake up tomorrow", Xena joked and stood up. "Eh, you can prepare the marinade or whatever you normally do with those while I can skin them and… let you do the rest, okay?" Hercules laughed. "Yeah, Gabrielle told me ones you are not allowed to cook but I don't think you are that bad. Besides, great hunters don't cook but this time I can make exception."

They worked quietly. Xena was still not sure what had happened before her tall friend had returned from his hunting trip. Normally hallucinations met that you were crazy or drugged but she was sure she hadn't been eating for hours. If she was drugged the hallucination should have came earlier.

"Xena are you okay? You look like you would have seen a ghost." Xena shook her head and gazed to the fire where the rabbit been cooked. "Sorry, I'm fine. I'm just a little bit tired. It's been over a month since I last time walked the whole day." It was a lie, but she didn't want to tell him about her Gabrielle vision just yet. "For me it looked like you wanted to run from the city as fast as possible." Xena laughed. "Well yes that's true. I hate market days. The whole Amphipolis is full of peoples and annoying peddlers. The only reasonable thing you can do is to run as far as you can."

"You know if everybody would think like you there wouldn't be any market happenings or carnivals or big parties." Xena gave a shrug. "I would like that." Hercules looked her for a while. He looked like he was thinking something very hard. "Just popped to my mind" when Xena had almost turned her attention back to the flames. "What did you thought when you were in the middle of the big fight. I mean a fight with for example 200 – 300 men, and women. If you hate concourses how did you manage to do the fights?" Xena rolled her eyes like he was asking the differences between boys and girls. "On those situations I was not thinking about the mass of idiots around me, I was thinking about victory, killing and staying alive. It's not phobia, I just don't feel comfortable when there is so many noisy kids, angry grandmas and completely insane men and women around me."

"You can't judge people when you see them first time. Those angry grandmas can be angry just because they, just like you, hate concourses or because you look like an angry hydra when you end up in the middle of some crowd." Xena shook her head again, this time because of disbelieve. "I'm not that bad", she said and made her pouting face. "That won't help you", Hercules stated and grabbed the cooked meat from the fire. "Which side you want?"

End of part 13


	14. Break the lines

**Chapter 14 – Break the lines**

Gabrielle was exhausted. Every muscle in her body was throbbing painfully. She had just used hours of vile sparring and tough strength exercises. Her body was still weak but she had refused to stop training before her body was totally out of energy. She watched down for the mountain and saw fields and forests far above her. So much had happened in the last few months. By now it was clear that Chin was the place she loved. The landscape she saw in front of her was stunning because she was standing above everything. She let her mind to fly above the rivers and villages which were somewhere down there. Inside her mind she was able to imagine what it felt to be a god and stand watching down from mount Olympus.

Slowly she pulled her mind back to her body and stepped back from the cliff. She was tired and she wanted to go to bath. There was amazing hot spring just behind the house which was one the reasons why Pong Ni had built his hut here in a place where he was able to be alone. Gabrielle loved to go to swim there after a tough workout. She went to swim every day and every time it was just as lovely as it had been when she had first time swum there.

Gabrielle walked slowly back to the hut to grab some clean clothes. She washed her bare toes before she went in. She hadn't used shoes after she left from Greece. It was just meaningless, okay first days without shoes on the rocky surface had been hard but she had used to that by now. Her live was much simpler now; there was a tight routine she followed every day. Her days were filled with physical training, language training and thinking. She liked to meditate. It was something she had never done in her life but now when master Ni had taught her to do so she couldn't imagine her life without it.

Pong Ni was writing something when Gabrielle entered to the room. "How was your training?" Pong Ni asked in Chinese. "What? I didn't understand." Gabrielle had learnt little bit Chinese but those words were mystery for her. "I asked how was your training today." This time in he said it in Greek. "Ah, it was okay but I'm very sweaty and dirty. I'm going to wash myself." She knew that Pong Ni was very strict when it came to cleanliness. "Yes please do that", he said, again in Chinese. "Yes master." Gabrielle was proud when she understood was the old man said and she was able to answer to him with same language. She grabbed her other outfit and went back to outside. She had only two sets of clothes so she had to wash them every day.

She walked slowly to the spring. Sun was still up but not for long anymore. If she wanted to bath and wash in a light she had to be fast. When sun goes down you can't see anything. Unlike in Greece here the darkness came fast and you can't literally see anything if you don't have a light source. She let her mind to travel again. She thought about her life her in China. It was so much different compared to one she had had in Greece. She knew that one day she had to return to Greece but at the moment she hoped that day will never come but idea of return was what her hearth told to her every day. Not just because of revenge but because of her friends and her family. She knew that her parents won't take it easy when they hear that Gabrielle had disappeared. Disappeared is not the right word. Unlike she, everybody else in Greece thought that she has died. At least that was what Gabrielle hoped. She wanted to write a letter for her family in Potedia and tell them that she was okay but she knew in her hearth that it was too risky. If Xena would hear that she was alive she would come and finish the job. As much as it hurt she couldn't sent that letter for anybody in Greece. She had to be dead for her own safety.

Gabrielle woke up from her thoughts when something hit hard on her occipital. She felt down and tasted the dirt which went to her mouth. She felt her head spinning fast. She gathered herself and stood up. This was just not the right moment for Pong Ni to test her skills. She was not in that mood right now. She was able to see the shade of her opponent on her foot. Slowly she turned around and pulled her sword out from the scabbard. No-one, not even Pong Ni would ever hit her back without consequences. She couldn't stop her mouth. She was tired and dirty. It was not the right time for fight only thing she wanted was bath and was what she was going to get. "You made big mistake when you hit me master. You know I bit back and you won't like that!"

Gabrielle felt her anger and hate explode inside her when she saw the face of her opponent. It was not Pong Ni. She recognized the long black hair and the light blue eyes. "Hah, you think you can even touch me? You are pathetic!" Gabrielle felt the adrenaline rush into her body. She was not exhausted anymore. She was surprised and anger. She was not ready to fight this battle yet but she was not going to give up without a fight. "How can you be here?" Rage was all over her voice. "It doesn't matter Gabrielle, I came here to finish my job and that is what I'm going to do!"

Gabrielle raised her sword to block the strong strike. It took all of her skills just to block every attack Xena made. She was much more skillful fighter than Gabrielle who had trained with a sword only a couple of months. Her body was also still weak because their last meeting. With a pure force of will she was able to hold her enemy back but she got no change of attack herself because of Xena's very skillful defense. The only question in Gabrielle's mind was 'How can she be here?' After a few minutes of crazy blocking Gabrielle felt the exhausted which came back to her body. Her movements became slower and quite fast she felt her enemy's sword touch her shoulder. She felt the warm blood which squirted out from my shoulder. It hurt, of course, but I didn't care. Only thing in my mind was revenge. This was my change. If I die, I die with honor.

I tried my best to block and neutralize her attacks but it was too difficult. I felt the rocks under my back when I fell to the ground. She smirked for me when she raised her sword. I panicked. This was not happening. I felt the rocks under my back. I thought that was it and then I realized a way to get up. I grabbed some dirt and threw it to her face. She lost her grab and immediately I was back in action. I knew I had no much energy left so I attacked very forcefully. I was able to harm her arm with my sword before I found myself again from the ground. This time she was wiser. I felt her sword on my neck before I was able to any action to get up. She kicked my side so I faced her.

She looked me with disgust. "Oh I see you have learnt something. I'm sorry to tell you that whatever you do I will always beat so why to resist? But whatever, you are not going to see the next dawn. Have any last words?" I was able to form disgust to my face. "I hate you!" She smiled. "Oh I hate you too." She raised her sword and the last thing Gabrielle saw what the sharp edge approaching her face fast. The world slowed around her. This was it. This was the moment of revenge and she had failed it.

-.-

Gabrielle's eyes snapped open. Thank gods it was only a nightmare, the nightmare, the same nightmare. First time Gabrielle had seen it when she had been in the mountain hut for a few days. After that it had repeated itself evenly for three months now. Three long and quite painful months. Her life has changed significantly; most of her wounds are gone now. Her both arms are completely functional, ribs are back in their own positions and legs are almost fixed. She had taken her first steps just few days ago. It was hard; she had to learn to walk again. By now she has been able to take a few shaky steps with a support. All of her muscles were deteriorated badly when she had laid down months. Her body looked gaunt but she was sure that with a little work out her body would look better in few weeks. Her only enemy at the moment was herself. She had to get up and train her body even it would hurt and it would be hard.

She thought about the dream, the nightmare as she called it. It was always the same dream. She was there, her body was fixed and she had trained very much with weapons and so on. She was going to bath when Xena came and beat her. Every time when she was going to die she woke up. Gabrielle hated the vision but at the same time she loved it. She hated the part when she failed but she loved the part when she was fighting. She was not ready in there but she had advanced. She was faster and more skillful with sword. She had been able to defense herself against Xena which was very impressive. There was only one part she scared; is it only a dream or is it a vision from the future. If it's from the future then she was in a big trouble. Xena had come but younger woman hadn't been able to overcome her. She was doomed if that was the future. That vision gave Gabrielle power to continue her walking exercises every moment she was awake. She had to learn quickly to defense herself so the end of the dream would not ever happen.

Gabrielle raised her upper body and looked out from the window. It was already bright. Her bed was in the basement. There was a huge basement underneath the house which was more than two times bigger than the room above it. That was Gabrielle's kingdom at the moment. She had been outside a few times but it was always a huge battle to get her body upstairs and then outside. Pong Ni was old and despite of the fact that he was one of the most skillful persons in the world he was not so strong anymore. Because Gabrielle was not able to walk by herself Pong Ni had to carry her. It looked more like a dragging and, of course Gabrielle didn't admit it, it hurt. So she had made her choice to stay downstairs as long as her legs were not able to carry her weight.

A lot had happened in these months she had stayed with Pong Ni. She had to stay in the bed so Pong Ni was very much with her keeping her company. He had taught Gabrielle a little bit of his language. She was willing to learn more and because they had nothing else to do Pong Ni gave her lesson every day. He also told her a lot of old Chin's legends and stories which Gabrielle loved. When they had removed bandages from her arms she had started to write down things like her thoughts, memories and stories which she had created in her mind while she hadn't been able to do anything else.

Days were all quite similar and very quickly she noticed that her life had changed to very simpler way. She didn't have to stress about thing like annoying bandits, revolting emperors or greedy warlords. She was able to focus just for herself and that felt better than she had ever thought it would. She missed her family and some of her friends too but she knew they were all okay, at least she hoped so. Gabrielle also knew that they would think her dead so they couldn't miss her in a way they would if they knew she is alive. Like she had said many times before, it was only for her best to pretend to be dead.

"Good morning Xiàjiàng, it's good to see you are awake this early!" Gabrielle hadn't realized Pong Ni who was standing at the door. "Good morning master Ni." She moved her legs a bit so he was able to set the tray, which he was carrying, to Gabrielle's lap. "I heard you screaming. Are you okay?" Gabrielle was not sure when she had screamed. Maybe it had happened when she had died in her dream. "It was the nightmare again. Nothing serious." Pong Ni was quiet for a while. He knew about the nightmares. Gabrielle saw it almost every night. She was not willing to talk about it but Pong Ni had figured out that Xena was somehow involved. She had screamed her name few times among with 'I hate you!' and other sentence like that. "You really should tell me about it. I know you are in pain. Maybe talking would help you." Gabrielle closed her eyes. "It is not that important. Only a stupid dream I hate, nothing you to worry about." It was a lie but she was not in that mood.

"I know you want to show me that you are strong but sharing problems and bad dreams are not a mark of weakness. If you ask from me I say it's a mark of inner strength when you can talk about thing you don't want to talk." Gabrielle stared the ceiling. Pong Ni was right. Of course she knew it. She had used that same argument millions of times before. She was just not it that mood. "I've told you a lot master Ni. You know about the events what has happened for me in these past months. You know about my first kill, about my daughter, about my so called dead and the pain I have to suffer because of this all. I know it is easy for you to process with it but you have no idea how I feel! I know I should tell you about my thoughts but I am not strong enough! I've accepted that I see myself dying every time I close my eyes! There's nothing you can help me with!"

It was too much; Gabrielle noticed it right after she had split the words. She didn't know where the surge of anger had come. Pong Ni met only good for her good and he had helped her so much. It was not fair to yell at him but sometimes it was the only way to clear her head. "I'm sorry master Ni I didn't met to yell at you. It's just… I don't know, too much." Pong Ni was quiet for a while. He knew what Gabrielle was processing in her mind. It was hard for anyone and the only medicine was time. Talking would help, but he couldn't push her to do it. "I'm sorry Gabrielle. I know I shouldn't push you to do anything you are not ready to do. I can just see your pain and it hurts my soul when I see you suffering. I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you not physically nor mentally."

"I don't want to hurt you. I didn't realize you suffer from my pain. I'm just in a bad mood. We can talk maybe tomorrow but not today. Let me clear my head first, please?" Gabrielle said quietly after a while. "Of course. The only medicine is time and that is what I can give for you as much as you need. I made my promise to T'ing Mai. I promised to heal you and that means both your body and your soul." Gabrielle took a bite from her breakfast. She had almost forgotten it but her stomach gave her a sign.

"So, how about that walking practice. I think I can do it better today. I made some muscle training last night and it feels pretty good now. I think I can take at least a few steps more than yesterday." She said after she finished her meal. "Ah, well. That sounds very good my young patient."

-.-

"Okay now, I think today you can try something else now." Pong Ni told to Gabrielle. "What you mean something different?" Old master smiled. "Well, now when your walking looks pretty much like it should, I think you can change to some more difficult exercises." He said while he gave Gabrielle her usual breakfast. "Well, it's been a week since I took my first step so what have you planned me for today?" She had learned to know Pong Ni in these months and when he said 'You can try' he met 'today you are going to do'.

"I made you an easy routine mixed with various different martial arts. It will help your muscles to grow. I'm telling you it won't be easy at the beginning. Your body has lost most of its muscle and it won't be easy to get them back. This first routine which we train today is not very difficult. When you master it we will move to a bit more difficult one. That won't happen today but it's good to know beforehand." Gabrielle was quiet for a while. She knew her body needed exercises, she had been able to train her upper body for weeks but her lower body had been useless for months. In the previous days those few steps she had been able to take had drained all of her energy. She was not sure if she was ready to move on. "Well I can try but I warn you if you put me to do back flips I kill you." Gabrielle gave him the look that she was serious. "You want to do back flips. Well if you insist I can put you do those but I was thinking something easier at the beginning." He laughed. "Hmm, first of all, finish your breakfast and dress yourself. You are not going to train with me in your nightclothes. Then we will begin."

Pong Ni left from the room and left Gabrielle to dress up. He was sure that it was time begin the next step in Gabrielle's rehabilitation. They had talked hours yesterday. Gabrielle had told him more about her feeling and desires. He knew now that there was a lot hate behind her face. Her soul had damaged more than Pong Ni had thought. He knew that it would be very difficult to get rid of all that hate she was carrying. It was up to Gabrielle either she would forgive to her friend or destroy the last piece of their friendship by revenging. He also knew that she missed her family. She had both of her parents alive as well as her sister and a large group of friends and her amazon tribe. It had been a shock for Pong Ni that this young girl, not even twenty seasons old, was a queen of the Greek amazons.

He had suggested that she would write letters to her friends and family, to tell them that she is alive and there is no reason to sorrow. She had said not. She was affair that Xena would also hear that and she would come to Chin to finish her job with Gabrielle. She had said that if she would write to her friends her nightmare would happen. She was right, Pong Ni knew it, but he hated the feeling when he knew someone was sad. In this case not only Gabrielle but her friends and family as well. He knew that Gabrielle had to return back to Greece in time. Her soul wanted to go back to its home. It wouldn't maybe happen soon but in time.

At the beginning when he had first time talked to T'ing Mai about this girl he had brought with him he had promised to heal her and then discard from his home but now he wanted, first time in years, that Gabrielle would stay with him as long as she wanted. He liked the girl a lot. She was smart and she learned fast. In three months she had learned to talk a little bit Chinese. She wanted to learn more every day and that was something Pong Ni taught her willingly. She was also curious and her thoughts were much like his owns. He liked to spend time with her and teach her.

The idea of apprentice had popped to his mind only few days ago. He was old and he knew he wouldn't live much longer anymore. He had also had two previous students but they both had died. If he wanted to share his knowledge to the world this was the change. He knew Gabrielle would be able to learn almost everything. She already had the most valuable part which was her hearth. Underneath the levels which were now poisoned her hearth was pure gold. Her way to watch and study the world was unique; at least it was rare if it was not unique.

He had decided that the best way to get Gabrielle's body strength back was though the routines of various martial arts. It gave her strength back and in addition her flexibility would improve quite much. It would be hard Pong Ni knew it. He knew many who had similar wounds like Gabrielle but they hadn't been determined enough to get their bodies back to its normal shape. If Gabrielle was as determined as he thought she would probably go through this next stage which would be pure hell to her. If she does it, she would be stronger than ever before.

-.-

"So, shall we begin?" Pong Ni asked when she returned to the room of Gabrielle. She was dressed to a simple white top and grey pants which T'ing Mai had gave for her. She had tied her hair up behind her back and washed her face. In the house of Pong Ni it was important to be clean. Because Gabrielle hadn't been able to go to wash herself to the spring next to the house she had to use a bowl and a sponge. "Yes I think I'm ready to begin. My legs are still quite shaky but I think I can do some easy exercises. I just hope we could focus to my upper body at the beginning because I'm not sure about my legs." She took a few shaky steps just to show master Ni that her legs were weak.

"Yes and do you know why we are going to do these routines? I know you know. It's because we need to strengthen your muscles. Not just your upper body but your lower as well." Gabrielle gave him a narrow smile. "I know. I'm just not sure if I can do it." She shook her body to get warmed up. "Okay, show me what you prepared for me."

-.-

"Please, no more, that was enough for today." Gabrielle begged after a tough routine. It had been her first exercise and not so difficult but still every muscle on her body was aching badly. "Enough? That was only the warm out young lady. Now we are going to move to the real exercise." Gabrielle's eyes widen. "That was only the... beginning? You got to be kidding me that was not a warm up that was a torture. If you are going to push me any further my body is going to collapse." She was lying on the floor. Her entire body was sweaty and her heart was beating fast. "Hmm, maybe you are not strong enough to complete these exercises. I thought you are strong but maybe you are not that strong. Shame, I waited so much from you Gabrielle. I thought you would use that hate inside you as a fuel to get healed up but I guess I was wrong. You are not able to channel your strength out from your body. Well, if you really are as tired as you show me we can end this training now and continue tomorrow. Please clean yourself before lunch."

Gabrielle jumped up from the floor. She ignored her arching muscles. "Wait master Ni. I am not weak! Don't ever say that to me again okay? Show me the next move, I can do it. I can finish your exercises. I am not a loser!" Pong Ni smiled before he turned to face her young student. No matter who was trying to give up, he always knew the right words to get them up from the floor. "Great job Gabrielle. That is the fire you need if you are going to train with me. This won't be easy for you; you will learn that sooner or later." He turned to face her and continued. "The first part of you healing was easy for you. All you had to do was lying still and eat painkillers. Now you have to start doing something by yourself. I don't want to hear the words 'I can't do it' or 'please no more' anymore, is that clear? When you are training with me you are going to push your body above your limits. That is the only way to get better. If you are not ready to do that you won't ever be able to do thing you used to do. Your body won't ever be the same without your own will. I can't do it for you, only you can do it."

Gabrielle stared at him. The shock was bubbling in her eyes. It had been one of the longest sentences she had heard from master Ni. It was also full of facts. If she wanted to get her life back she had to push her body away from its comfort zone. She had to ignore the pain and the lassitude. It was the only way to success. "I'm sorry I failed in your eyes master Ni. I won't do that again. I ready to continue this training. I don't care how hard it will be or how tired I will be after it. I just want to complete it." She took a gulp from her water flask. "Very well, take the starting position I taught for you earlier. This is the second part of your daily exercise. Remember every move closely, I won't be showing them for you every day. I have to learn them so you can train even if I'm not here watching you."

-.-

It was the late evening. The day had been long for both Gabrielle and Pong Ni. After the failure Gabrielle had focused better than ever and completed her routine although her body was totally burned out from its power. She was relieved that she had been able to go through the hell and complete the task Pong Ni had given her. She was happy but tired. At the lunch she hadn't been able to hold on her chopsticks, and because Pong Ni didn't let her to use her fingers to eat her rice, it had taken longer than usually to finish the meal. She had been able to rest a while after the lunch before they had begun her second lesson which was about the language and the customs of china. Before Gabrielle had even noticed it was time to eat the supper.

This time she was able to hold on her chopsticks because her hands weren't shaking because of fatigue. She was eating rice again with some tasty sauce and chicken. She had used to eat rice but sometimes she missed potatoes and stakes. She also missed forks and knives because she was not so good with chopsticks. At the beginning it had took hours to complete a meal. Pong Ni didn't let her to use her finger while she was eating. He said if she wanted to eat using her fingers she was not welcome to the table. If she wanted to eat like a dog she had to eat from the floor. After a few long evening she had learned to use sticks a little bit so she was able to finish her meals. In time she had learned to use them better and better but still sometimes she missed the fork.

After a supper Gabrielle had almost fainted when Pong Ni had told to her that it was time for the second physical exercise routine. It was not as long and difficult as the first one had been. It was still hard for Gabrielle whose body was not totally coped from the morning routine but with a self-confidence and will-power she was able to complete the routine. She was so glad that she had been able to go through a difficult work out twice at the same day. She rewarded herself by doing a one more huge exercise. She took the steps and walked to outside the house first time after her arrival. It was the first time she was truly able to see the place she was living in.

Like she remembered, the house was made of some dark wood. There was also a little garden full of different kind of herbs and vegetables. She had no strength to walk further so she sat down to the bench in front of the house. She watched the sun which was almost gone to the horizon. She smelt the mountain air and she felt the wind with touched lightly her skin. It was a peaceful evening middle of the mountains deep inside the countryside of the kingdom of Chin.

End of part 14


	15. Building the web of friendships

**Chapter 15 - Building the web of friendships**

"Well, well, well, look at you. It makes me feel that you actually like these morning exercises. Only week ago you couldn't even complete the warm out and now you are doing it willingly without me standing next to you pushing you move your legs." Pong Ni laughed when he came to the downstairs. "I woke up early and I thought why not to start alone, I mean I remember the routine very well and alone I don't have to be so strict with everything." Gabrielle answered and bent her body to the next position. "Well today I have to talk you about one thing." Pong Ni replied and sat down to Gabrielle's bed. "About what thing?" Gabrielle asked curiously and went to sit next to master Ni. "No, no, no my dear friend. You keep performing your routines, I sit and talk." Gabrielle jumped up and returned to perform her morning routine. "Better?" Old master smiled. "Yes, it's for your own good you know that."

Gabrielle didn't answer so he continued. "Well, I didn't come here to argue about so let's move on to my point. We are going to run out some of our supplements which I can produce in here so it means we have to make a trip down to restock my storage. I was wondering if, of course you don't have to but if you want to, you like to come with me." Gabrielle jump up from the floor. The sudden movement made her cry in pain but she didn't care about it. "You mean the academy? Yes I would like to come. I want to meet T'ing Mai again. I mean he saved me and I want to tell him how pleased I am. I own him my life and, well, I was not so pleasant patient." She cried with enthusiasm.

Of course she loved the mountains and the little cottage she called home but she missed other landscapes. She had so used to travel all the time that standing still felt a little bit awkward. She also missed other people. She liked Pong Ni a lot but like the lack of different landscapes, lack of different people also felt a bit disconcerting. "I'm happy to take you with me but I have to remind you the path will not be easy. You have been walking just few weeks and before that you were six months in a bed. You can't push your body too much", Pong Ni chuckled. He received an unwelcoming sniff from the bard. "You know my young companion we do have a horse and I demand to ride. I have used to walk up and down these mountains but you my friend have not. My horse, Baua, is very gentle and trustworthy, she won't let you fall. You have to promise me you will ride when I say so, is that clear?"

Gabrielle thought about the situation. She was still very weak and just like master Ni had said, she had stayed in bed for six months only weeks ago. Like Xena, Pong Ni was very strict when it came to her healthy so she decided not to argue about the trip. "Fine, I'm careful and I ride when you demand that", she called after a while. "Good decision Gabici. We are leaving today. Pack your belongings and come upstairs when you're ready." Pong Ni said happily and walked towards the stairs. He was happy that Gabrielle accepted his terms. He had learned to know the young bard that well that when she was not satisfied with something she showed it very clearly and normally tried to bend the rules to more decent for her. "That won't take long", Gabrielle laughed before Pong Ni disappeared to the upper level of the cottage, "I don't have so much personal belongings." She continued with a smirk. "Ah well then you have plenty of time to finish your morning routine." Pong Ni shot back to her before disappearing from her sight. "Fine, I finish that", Gabrielle urged mostly for herself and moved to the center of the room.

Pong Ni had just finished his last inventory check when Gabrielle appeared upstairs. It was still early, not many hours from the dawn. "Okay I'm ready to go", she called out before old man was able to say anything. "Well, well my little friend. Say that in Chinese then we leave." He challenged and picked up last of the equipment they needed. "Hah ha, very funny. You know very well that I'm not capable of doing that", Gabrielle answered and sat down to bench near the door. "You are very capable of doing that. Repeat after me", he said and looked Gabrielle seriously. Gabrielle gave him her annoyed look. "_Okay I'm ready to go."_ Gabrielle was silence for a minute. All the words were familiar and she understood the sentence without any problems. Only problem for her was pronunciation, Every time she pronounced incorrectly master Ni had to correct her and for her it felt embarrassing. "_Okay I'm ready to go." _She tried to express her sentence as perfectly as possible.

"Good, now say it again." Pong Ni answered. His face didn't tell Gabrielle whether she had success or failed her attempt. "_Okay I'm ready to go." _Gabrielle tried again this time stressing different syllables. "No, don't try to trick in with the words, again". Gabrielle sighted. She hated when Pong Ni pressed on her mistakes. _"I am ready to go."_ She said quickly. Frustration sparked shined from her voice. "Ah but was better. You just missed the _okay_. One more time please." Pong Ni smiled and Gabrielle raised her chin. "_Okay I'm ready to go!" _

-.-

Last time Gabrielle had travelled the path from academy up to the mountains she had slept most of the time. This second time she rode the path she was truly able to admire the beauty of the nature around her. It was nothing like in Greece and maybe that was one of the reasons she loved the surroundings so much. Animals were also slightly different. Pong Ni told her a lot about new exotic animals like different kind of monkeys, pandas, birds and weird looking bovines, for example yaks. He was amused that Gabrielle hadn't ever even heard about some of the basic animals. He knew that there were no such animals in Greece but he knew about sheep so why Gabrielle didn't know anything about yaks was funny mystery for him.

They travelled the whole day. Because Pong Ni wanted Gabrielle to ride all the time, he had to walk. They progress slowly and they had multiple little breaks. At the beginning terrain had been very rocky and hard to travel. When they came lower from the mountains country became easier to walk and the gain some speed.

When they finally reached the academy, it was almost dinnertime and the sun was almost set. The front yard was empty apart from the few guards who saluted when they passed them. Probably everybody was getting ready for the dinner or already eating. "Let's go straight in", Pong Ni suggested. Gabrielle dismounted and took a grab from the reins. "Just let go. Baua won't wander away from here. She born in here, this place is her home", master Ni briefed when he noticed Gabrielle's questioning gaze. Black mare snorted like trying to say 'why would I leave from here?'

"If you say so", Gabrielle answered, dropped the reins and followed Pong Ni to inside. Pong Ni yelled something for the guards and one of them came to pick Baua to the stables. Gabrielle wondered why Pong Ni had told to drop the rein when the guards would obviously take care of the lovely horse. She could have just hand the reins to the guard, not drop them and wait the guards to re-grab them almost second after she let go. I would have been more forthcoming.

Her thoughts quickly turned to her other tiny problem. Her legs were stiff after hours of riding so her steps were very slowly and shaky. She had to concentrate when she took the first steps so she wouldn't fall to the ground. There was also a slight pain in her body, mostly in her legs, but she tried to push it back. The last thing she needed was more days of bed rest which she would probably gain if anybody noticed her aching legs. Her opinion was that six months had been more than enough.

The hall was empty but they were able to hear the sound of chatting from the dining room. Gabrielle was little bit nervous facing a room full of Chinese students and masters. Last time she had been here she was almost constantly sleeping or lying on her bed. Also the language made her nervous. She had used to Pong Ni's unique dialect of Greek but the fact that most of the people here didn't understand Greece at all made her dependent on some of those who did speak Greek.

"Ah, it's dinner time. You hungry, shall we go to eat?" Pong Ni's voice called Gabrielle back from her thoughts. "Oh sure, it's a good idea, right? I mean they won't mind if we just rush in to eat their supper?" Gabrielle wondered aloud. "You know this academy is named after my grandfather and my family has been keeping it standing for centuries. I own everything in here and if I want to go eat a supper then I will", old man answered and did like Gabrielle had feared; he stormed in like a king or a god. There was a loud stir coming from the diners when they noticed who had entered the room.

Familiar shape rose from a table almost in the middle of the room. _"Master Ni. So nice to see you, how are doing?"_ T'ing Mai asked gently from his old friend. _"I run out of supplies sooner than I thought. Oh right mostly because there is now two mouths to feed, including my own of course, so I need to stock up little bit"_, Pong Ni answered and greeted with a slight nod. _"Oh and Gabrielle has for weeks wanted to see you all again." _He continued with a smile.

Gabrielle blushed when she heard her name. She had no idea what they were saying to each other, they spoke too fast, and hearing her own real name in the middle of the conversation made the situation a bit awkward for her. "Oh my hello Gabrielle", T'ing Mai greeted her and turned speak to her. "Hello T'ing Mai. It's good to see you. My request is if you could call me Gabishi please. I don't mind about my old name so much anymore." Peoples around them had walked closer to see the unexpected but loved quests. The truth was her real name brought so much sad memories to her mind that it was just so must easier to get rid of it.

"He had made miracles with you Xiàjiàng. I was afraid that you might not be able to walk every again but there you are, bit shaky but still walking. Just a little bit more exercises and nobody will noticed your legs were less than a year ago just big stack of broken bones and deep cuts." Cheng welcomed her when he pushed himself though the growing crowd. "Cheng, oh Cheng it's nice to see you. I missed you all so much. It's weird I know. I knew you only few days and it's funny to say I missed you but sometimes lonely person builds the friendships quicker than can be understood." Gabrielle babbled while she hugged Cheng tightly.

"Please Xiàjiàng join us, there is still plenty of food left for you and master Ni." T'ing Mai said after he had hugged Gabrielle for a good minute. "_I would love to"_, Gabrielle answered and smiled. She had tried to pronounce as perfectly as possible but she was still nerves if it had been incorrect. _"Oh but hey! That was Chinese. You have been studying?" _Cheng answered to blushing bard of Potedia. "Not so fast. I have no idea when the first words ends and the next begin when you speak like that", Gabrielle protested and gave him her hearth-melting smile. Comment and the smile made everybody laughed and the atmosphere lightened in seconds.

When Gabrielle and Pong Ni sat down many people came to greet them. Gabrielle recognized most of them from the party she had attend months ago. She was happy that so many people she barely knew wanted to say hey and hug her. The closeness between everybody was closer and sincere compared to the manners she had used to in Greece. She had also been proud of herself when she had been able to speak few words in Chinese and eat properly, without dropping every second piece of food, with chopsticks.

-.-

After eating a healthy supper and settling down to the room she had been given, Gabrielle ended up to the main hall. Most of the residents of the academy were there spending their spare time doing variety of different things. When Gabrielle entered several persons; children, women and men, jumped up and came to guide Gabrielle to take seat. At the beginning Gabrielle was shy using Chinese word but when she realized people understand her and helped her with the word she didn't knew, she gain more confidence and talked more and more. Children wanted her to tell stories like she had told at the party and with a help of Cheng, who was translating her sentences for those who didn't speak Greek, she ended up telling several stories of myths and legends of Greece and other western civilizations.

After the story of Prometheus, which was her seventh story so far, she told to her growing crowd that it was enough for one evening. Cheng was pleased because his voice was about to crack soon after translating every story to the hungry crowd. Gabrielle instead felt happier than in a long time. Story-telling was her vocations and during the long healing period she had almost forget how fun it actually was.

The stories however had brought some unpleased memories back to her mind which was not so comfortable. Again she found herself thinking about Xena. The nightmare she still saw about every other night was weird and she wanted to talk about it for someone. When she had first time seen it she hadn't seen the surroundings of Pong Ni's hut. She had thought that the setting she had in her dream was a dream but when she had been able to look around she had found out that every single little detail of her dream was there. Before she had been able to walk she had thought it only as a nightmare but now she was more afraid than ever that the vision she had seen so often was really a vision from the future. Part of here waited it to happen but the bigger part was afraid because she lost every time no matter what kind of tricks she tried to pull from her sleeve.

Pong Ni waked her up from her thoughts. It was late and he suggested Gabrielle to move to her room. She needed rest after the travel they had done that day and he wanted Gabrielle to be ready for some different kind of morning exercise. She was going to train with some youngsters in a real group of martial art students. Without arguing she obeyed and soon she found herself from the same bed she had slept when she had first time been in the academy. Before she felt asleep she heard birds singing outside her window. Everything was so peaceful outside there.

Young bard hoped that inside her head would be same kind of harmony. She was again full of hate and agony. She didn't want to become a monster like Calisto but something told her that the only way to success with her plans was to become a little bit like Calisto. She had no interest to lead an army, the thought of it made her sick, but the idea of Calisto's mental strength made her a bit jealous. She didn't want to be a crybaby she had always been. She wanted to be cool, steady and resolute like Calisto and Xena were. Like so many times before, Gabrielle ended up crying herself to sleep. She knew she needed help to clear her head. At the moment her mind was just too full of different emotions and thoughts.

End of part 15


	16. Only sky is the limit

_**Chapter 16 – Only sky is the limit**_

"So, let me check that nose of yours", Cheng said and sat next to Gabrielle. It was her third day back at the academy and she felt fresh. She had tried some classes of the youngest students which were mostly about body control and dynamics. It was not easy, her body was screaming after every class but her mind was smiling. Every time she accomplished the whole work-out she knew she was one step closer on her journey of vengeance. "I remember when I was not even sure if you have a nose at all because of the swelling." Even Gabrielle remembered what it had felt when her face had been one big injury. She was feeling better now, but still when she watched her image from the mirror she remembered the swollen version. At the moment there was still quite big red mark of the wound she had had on her face. She knew very well that she was going to carry a scar for the rest of her life. I was not going to be angry red like it was at the moment but it would be very visible. "I don't recognize myself when I look at the mirror", she said aloud to Cheng. "My face is now healed almost to the point it will remain for the rest of my life. You don't know what I used to look like but I can tell you I look slightly different."

After coming back to the academy the young healer student had stayed next to her where ever she went. "I think your face looks pretty. It's not about that scar or the nose. It's the inner beauty that means more than few scars here and there." He was always so gentle and talkative, even when he was didn't know the correct words in Greek he tried to make his point by using some other words he knew. "This is not what I used to look like", Gabrielle said again mostly for herself. "Master Ni had to reformulate my chin and my nose when the swelling was gone. It's not like Thing Mai didn't do good job but he, master Ni, said he was able to make it look more human. He had to re-break it but I think it was worth of that pain. Chin was easy to repair, it doesn't look the same but it looks normal. My nose was different kind of story. You can see the indentation." She pointed her nose while speaking. "That's the point where the weapon cut my face to half. Lovely isn't it. The bone will never heal so I will always carry the marks of what happened to me and everybody will be able to see that someone has really kicked my ass. You have no idea how much I love to say that aloud."

She sat quietly when Cheng's silky fingers studied the dents of her new shaped nose. It had really been a shock when she had first time seen the result of her face. She had looked like a stranger for herself. She had lost weight from her cheeks and under her chin. That made her cheekbones to push forward which made her look much older and tougher. It was not a face that 19-year-old girl wanted to have but she had understood that sometimes you just have to be satisfied with what you get. In the end, it had been a miracle that she was even alive after the ride Xena had given her. She truly understood what people mean when they said Xena doesn't left anything half-finished.

"Well I think it's healed perfectly, as much as I can heal. Like you said the indentation will remain. Also if you are professional you can easily see it had broken at least ones but I guess everyman will just think you have very shapely nose." He gave her a smirk to convince his statement. "Oh, whatever. It's not my fault if someone doesn't like my nose." Gabrielle tried to joke as well. "Yea, I'm sure about that. Well, that was all I wanted to check. It's really good, for my education, to have ehm… a patient like you. I hope you don't mind when I call you patient. I mean it's good for me to see different kind of wounds and sicknesses. That helps me to become better and better healer. I wish I could someday be as good as Ting Mai or even Pong Ni."

"It's always good to have dreams. I dream was, when I was little, to become a known bard. It's what I loved to do." Young healer stood up from the bed. "You don't want that anymore?" She asked quietly. "Deep inside me I do but it's difficult to tell stories in a place where only few understands the language I speak. It's not me telling the story if someone stands next to me translating what I'm saying."

"You can tell me. I understand Greek not perfectly but almost and when you learn more Chinese you can tell story with our language." Gabrielle gave him a sweet smile. "That will take time. Your language is not the easiest thing to learn but if you want I could tell you a story or two." Cheng sat back next to Gabrielle. "I would love that and remember, don't ever give up to your dreams. I may not easy but if you are determined only sky is the limit."

After an eventful evening with Cheng and storytelling Gabrielle was full of joy. She had missed the feeling she got after an eloquent story and a wild applaud from her audience. The audience had been small but she had still loved applauds she receive after her performance. Cheng was really good company and a good shoulder if she needed that. It was easy to talk with him. He cared and listened every time Gabrielle wanted to talk.

When she finally went to bed she felt like she had reborn during the evening. For the first time in months she was happy. She was still weak and needed support when she over-done her exercises but the happiness and joy she felt gave her hope. For the first time after the Amazon village she waited the next day and didn't fear the nightmares she still constantly had.

-.-

Gabrielle had wished a night without bad dreams but she was not that lucky. The nightmare she had was worse than ever before. When she woke up in the middle of the night she was sweaty and she couldn't stop shaking. Once again she had been killed by Xena in the middle of the Chinese countryside. Al thought she had almost the same dream every night she never got used to it. Every time she woke up didn't want to sleep again but she did anyway. This time, however, she could even thing about closing her eyes again so she rose up and to the window. It was still early, hours till dawn. She ended up walking without destination first the corridors inside and later the paths in the garden. She wanted the dreams go away but it felt like they were worse and worse every night.

"My young friend, what are you doing her this early?" familiar voice asked behind her. "Master Ni I didn't noticed you, what are you doing here, it's hour till dawn?" Gabrielle was able answer. She had quail a lot but of course she didn't admit that even for herself. "I asked first and I'm older than you so it's only fair you answer first", Pong Ni remarked and guided them to sit down to the bench near their location.

"I couldn't sleep. I thought a walk might help." They sat to the bench together. "I couldn't sleep either. I don't feel comfortable outside my hut", Pong Ni gave his reason for his night walk. "I have always felt no discomfort of sleeping in different places. When I travelled with Xena we never stayed still more than few days." They were silence for a long time enjoying the magic of the dark garden.

"My dreams about her are getting stronger and stronger every night", Gabrielle broke the silence. "It's like I'm pulling her to me but I can't control it and that drives me crazy." Master Ni looked her for a long time before answering. "I've been thinking about dreams. There is a very rare bound you may share with her, but like I said it's very rare, which may explain your dreams." Gabrielle was too impatient to wait him continue even though she knew he hadn't finished. "Tell me, please. Tell me so I can try to find a way to stop them. I hate her and I hate that fucking dream where I always fail to revenge and where I die every night. You have no idea how frustrating that is."

The old master took a deep breath before continuing. "You have to learn patience my young friend. The bound of soulmates, which I'm talking about, is very, very rare. I've never met anybody who shares that bound with somebody but still I think that is what is happening between you and your partner." Gabrielle stood up angrily. "Xena is not my partner don't ever call her that again. Tell me what's the meaning of soulmate bound? I've heard about it many times. Many people in Greece believe in it and yes, some do believe that Xena and I are soulmates but what the catch? What is the connection between my nightmares and the soulmate bound?" She was angry and confused but she was never going to admit that. She also noticed her behavior was far from her normal behavior but she didn't care. Now days she angry most of the time which was like her but she had decided it was all Xena's fault.

"Again, my young friend, you must be patient. The soulmate bound can explain everything, your nightmares and even the fact that you are alive. It may also tell you why you hate her so much at the moment. Please sit down again and listen what I'm saying. I will answer to your questions after my tale is been told." Gabrielle sat back to the bench. She was still furious but her curiosity was waking up again. She had heard a lot of soulmates, mostly because she loved stories, but never been able to fully understand what the real bound met. Some stories told about a bound that was more beautiful and pure than anything in the world. She hadn't ever been complete sure if there had been any bound between Xena and herself but she was willing to give the theory one more change. Before Hope and Solan they had always been just friends and that was the reason she doubted this thing but she was always willing to listen.

"There are two kinds of bound that are called soulmate bounds. First one is the easiest and quickest to explain because it's not the real bound. Some good friends or partners could call themselves soulmates because they know each other so well and so on. That is the case with the most of the so called soulmates. It's not real bound, it's just what people thinks it is.

"The second option is the real link between two different souls. These souls are met for each other and they spent their whole lives trying to locate the other half of their existence. When they meet each other they can't stay away from the other one. It's like a physical bound expect you can't see it but you can feel it."

"So that is what I have with Xena, invisible physical bound that connects us even though she is far, far away at the moment and because of that bound I'm doomed to have nightmares every time I close my eyes. Perfect!" Gabrielle couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"You went direct to the next thing I wanted to discuss with you but you have to learn control your mouth or you will never receive the knowledge you need. Now this is only theoretical and based to books and scroll I've read years ago. There are possibilities that if the bonded persons are far away from each other they may start sharing dreams, visions and so on. These things only get stronger and stronger when the time goes on. It's like the bound tried to pull them back together."

"Is there a possibility that Xena could figure out though this link that I'm here and alive?"

"Theoretically, yes. Like you, she might have dreams of you. Of course your dream is, at the moment, based to this place. I bet at the moment her dreams are based to the surroundings she have beck in Greece. In time they might change to even more and more realistic as might yours as well but it's all just speculations because I haven't even hear about a situation like this. In time you might start sharing dreams or visions or something that might tell her you're here and alive. But remember, I have no idea if it's true or not. I don't even be hundred percent sure you are soulmates."

"What about the rest. You said this link may explain why I'm alive and why my feelings toward her are so strong." Gabrielle's voice was distant. She was really thinking about this link and how it affected. She didn't want to admit but she was curious and scared at the same moment. "There is a wisdom that says you can't really hate somebody without first loving this other first. You can say you hate someone but it's not real hate. You can be angry, furious, wrathful, annoyed or even mad but you can't hate if you don't truly love first. That disappointment you feel when the one you love breaks your heart and destroys the trust is the only force that can create the real hate. It's powerful feeling and rare, just like the soulmate bound. Again, I'm only speculating but I bet the hate is stronger between soulmates than other couples. I have never heard that soulmates ended up hating each other but I guess, for example in your situation, it's possible. Very, very rare but possible."

"So how do I break this connection? I don't need it nor do I want it."

"You can't just break it. It's not like a rope you can just cut whenever you want to."

"You do have any idea how sensitive this thing is. If Xena figures out that I'm alive I doomed. She doesn't like to fail and this is quite big failure. She always finishes whatever ever she is doing. For example you know what happened to Ming Tieng. I don't want to share his destiny and end up to the same pit with him."

"I'm sorry young one I understand your feelings and your fears. It's not that I don't want to help you but I have no idea how. Like I said in the beginning soulmate bounds are rare, very rare. I have no idea if anybody has ever broken that connection. That's why I don't know how to help you."

"You do know if there is any short cut, like, for example a way to block her or something? Anything to protect me, my location or the fact that I'm alive. You said this connection is deep and it creates real hate. I don't want to face that hate before I'm ready and capable to defend myself."

Pong Ni looked even older than normally when he tried to thing some kind of solution. There was a battle inside his head. He was not sure if it was right solution to try shield Gabrielle from the link or not. From what he had heard of Xena and what little Gabrielle had told him he was not sure if Xena really wanted to kill the young blond. She had been furious last time they had met but there had been the fact his son had died, partly because of Gabrielle. Maybe there was a change Xena wasn't that furious anymore but it was impossible to know without seeing her. Like Gabrielle pointed out and he had said only minutes ago only loosing true trust created real hate and what Gabrielle had caused was very good reason to lose that trust and replace it with cold hate. So maybe it was better for both, Xena and Gabrielle, to try blocking the connection for a while. Gabrielle, and probably Xena as well, needed more time to heal and purify her soul and the connection and the nightmares were only slowing down the healing process of her soul.

"There may be a way", he whispered after a moment that felt like hours but really was only a few seconds. "I could teach you how to shield your mind. It works if someone tries to attack against your mind but I have no idea how it works on these kind of situations. I don't know if it affects to the link you share."

Gabrielle was quiet for a while. She was not sure if she wanted to lose thins connection after all. Though this link she would maybe be able to monitor Xena and maybe if she learned to control it affect to her life. Of course the biggest risk was that Xena learned about the link and began using it against her. When she weighted her options she realized there was too much to risk. She wanted to stay alive so it was easier to pull back than try to attack against the opponent that had experience of mind controlling and shamanism. "It's always worth of trying. I just hope it is not too late."

End of part 16

I messed with the order of the previous chapters but I have now fixed the problem. I hope that doesn't harm anybody :P


	17. Treetops and agony

**Chapter 17 – Treetops and agony**

"Close your eyes and focus to the image you now see", Pong Ni's soft but commanding voice guided. After their talk in the middle of the night Gabrielle had been able to sleep at least a few hours without nightmares. After breakfast and her morning exercise routine master Ni had asked her to meet him after lunch so they would start working with mind controlling. She knew that was going to be hard, mind controlling was categorized to the section 'Almost impossible to master' but she was determined to learn as much and as fast as possible.

"How can I see anything when my eyes are closed?" Gabrielle wondered aloud. She was not used to these kinds of things. She didn't what to admit but only a year ago she wouldn't even believe 'mind powers' as Chinese called them. "You have told me how you used to sit down and smell the nature hours if you were undisturbed. You told me how you imagined the world around you. All the animals, plants, flowers, elements, everything woke up inside your mind and you saw them without your eyes. I want to find that focus again but this time search from inside. Focus what's happening inside you and seek for the sight of your soul. Try to deepen your concentration and find your core", his voice was deep, almost a whisper. "If it's hard, open your eyes and focus your gaze to some special point, treetops for example. It may help to find your core."

It was not easy at the beginning but slowly Gabrielle slipped to the new level of meditation she had never before visited. She found nothing particular but it calmed her mind that she had partly done it. She liked the feeling which she couldn't describe, light-headed but completely focused at the same time. She ran though feeling like anger, agony, love and calmness when she travelled though her memories and thoughts. She remembered things she had forgotten years ago, some little moments from her childhood, even from the times she was only yew years old.

"May I try something?" Pong Ni asked after couple of hours of training. Gabrielle had done fine. She had been able to study some layers of her soul which was rare for the first timer. Just few more sessions and she might be able to start building her walls. "What you want to try?" Gabrielle was tired after the mind exercise she had gone though. She hadn't even given a single thought of what it was going to be when you trained your mind beforehand. "It's forbidden to study someone's mind without his or her permission. If you let me I could maybe be able to see the bound by myself. I could learn about it and make it easier for you." Gabrielle gave him a question look. What I mean is that I would like to see how it works."

"Will you stay just studying the bound? No offence but I would not like to share my personal stuff with anybody." Gabrielle asked nervously. In a little time she had trained her mind she had understood what trained person might be able to do. "Of course young one, I always honor your will, that's why I asked." He smiled his special smile that looked wise and sad at the same time. "Okay then. You have my permission."

Pong Ni touched her temple with his long fingers and asked Gabrielle to become as tranquil as possible. It was easier when the 'victim' was willing. If you forced your consciousness though someone's mind by force it hurt like hell both 'the attacker' and 'the victim'. Gabrielle felt when his mind touched hers. It felt weird, she couldn't describe it but she could definitely feel it. It was not all bad but uncomfortable. "I can see it clearly now", Pong Ni's whisper broke Gabrielle's thoughts. She had found it easier to focus watching tree tops than keeping her eyes closed. "It's like there is another soul with your soul wrapped tightly around your one. There is no change of cutting it without cutting your as well. If you give me the permission I would like touch it. It's something I have never seen before."

Gabrielle was not sure. Part of her didn't care what it was but part, smaller part but still a part, of her was proud and protective of her rare condition. "Sure, I will just focus to the trees." Gabrielle 'I don't care' side said. Bunch of different thing happened at the same time when Pong Ni's mind touched the part of Xena's soul. His mind filled with images and memories that were not his own. He saw friendship and love, caring and fear, event after event of things Gabrielle and Xena had done together. Gabrielle saw them too but she also saw thought the eyes that were not hers. For a second she found herself from the busy alley in Athens. Just when she had adjusted to her new environment Pong Ni let go and she was watching the treetops wondering what had just happened.

"What was that?" Gabrielle yelled in panic when she was ones again able to control herself. "Your bound is more complicated than I never thought. When I touch it I saw some memories of you and Xena. I also saw though your eyes and your soulmate's eyes. She is in a big city." Pong Ni admitted quietly. He was a little bit taken back as well because he had never in his long life experienced anything like that before. "I saw that too, I think it was Athens as far as I can remember. This is important master Ni, did she saw though my eyes as well?" Gabrielle knew the answer but she had to hear it aloud just to confirm the accident. "Probably she saw though your eyes yes. I'm sorry; I know you are not yet ready to face her."

"Ah perfect. Now she knows I'm alive and she jumps to the next ship and comes here after me. I have to get away." Gabrielle jumped up from the spot she was sitting and started to pace back and forth. "Calm down. I don't think she will jump to the next boat. She saw treetops, those treetops can be anywhere. You couldn't see her thought or memories so I guess she didn't saw yours either. For your own save don't go yet, be here and learn again. You are still weak, you can't walk perfectly yet. As much as you hate it, it will take week to relearn walking perfectly. You can stay here, keep this place as your home and your healing will speed up. Let us take you as a part of our family."

"I didn't mean to go after Xena. I met I should run so when she arrivals she won't find me."

"You think we would let her touch you if you don't want that. We will protect you if she comes which I think is unlikely. The location of this academy is not well-known by common man and the location of my mansion, as I call it, is even more protected than the academy. If we want to hide you, no-one will find you if you don't want to be found."

"How about the bound?" Little bit more relaxed Gabrielle asked. "I don't want to destroy your bound it's too valuable and it could kill you if you or I try that. Honestly I don't even know how to do that without cutting your line as well. I won't go poking it anymore but I can teach you to shield your mind. I have no idea if it helps at all but you can always try. When you are ready, weeks, months or years from today, you can dismantle your walls and try to seek the connection ones again."

Gabrielle sat back down. She knew that sooner or later she would face the tall warrior princess again and that day she wanted to be ready and focused. What would happen that was impossible to know. She would end up dead, complete her vengeance or something else would happen. Only thing she knew that the reunion would be sparky and full of emotions.

-.-

Yew days after Gabrielle's first mind training sessions with master Pong Ni she began to build her walls to protect her mind and privacy. Pong Ni was completely amazed of Gabrielle's skills and potential. He had never seen anybody mastering the basic levels of mind controlling as fast as Gabrielle did it. She had long way to go before she could call herself a master in the particular art but three days had already showed her hidden talents.

She was ones again in the garden watching the sunset and thinking her new chance of life. Pong Ni had asked her to return with him to his hut. It had been the first time Gabrielle had properly been invited to live in there with him. First time she had been there was just to recover but this time she knew it would be different. Master Ni had initialized her to live with him by teaching her the language and explaining cultural differences and customs for her when she hadn't been able to get up from the bed. She had known that the question to become his apprentice was coming and wanted to say yes but now that the question had been presented she was not sure what to answer.

If she said yes the training would take months or more depending on how much and how different things she wanted to learn. After that she would make the decision what to do and where to go. The training would probably involve some martial arts but the innocent bard inside her was excited to learn more stories and legends her new home country contained. Pong Ni had also a lot of skill in the subjects like healing, Gabrielle had very good idea of those skills, and philosophy which she wanted to learn.

Gabrielle was pulled back from her thoughts by Cheng who stopped in front of her. "Is this seat taken?" he asked and point the empty side of the bench. "If you are asking if I'm waiting someone then no, sit please", she answered and made some more room to her young Chinese friend.

"So tell me why you want to break it? It's something only few people own. Don't waste it." Cheng suddenly asked after long comfort silence. Gabrielle had known he was up to something when he came to see her but his straight style to form conversation made her think for a second before answering. "You are orphan right? Your parents were murdered when you were young", she began. "Think about it, would you like to share some lifetime bound with one of the murderers?" She hissed and focused her gaze back to the darkening sky.

"You know better than that Gabi Shi. Xena didn't kill you nor did she kill your child if that thing can be called your child. Instead you killed hers. Not directly but because you didn't tell her the young girl were the daughter of Dahak. I guess even I would have revenged my child's dead. It's not something you can think of, it's something that comes naturally. I guess they call it mother's instinct or something like that. I don't say you shouldn't be angry or blame yourself but that's how I see it. But remember, before that day your life was good, don't forget it. I know it hurts but you need to get over it. Only thing you think at the moment is revenge, right?" Gabrielle nodded between his sentences. She was not completely agreed with him but she knew it was rude to interrupt.

"What happens after you have done it? You will keep living wherever you are at that moment, probably in Greece. It only eats your soul, the craving of vengeance and when it's done you feel empty. I haven't told you yet but when my parents died I was young, less than four, but I still remember their faces and the day they died. I didn't accept the fact they were gone but when I got older and I realized they were murdered and I wanted revenge just like you want now. When I was fifteen I made a trip away from here and I met the men that destroyed my family. They were captured because of some little crime they had done somewhere, I never asked where or why. I thought it would only feel good to see them died but the only thing I felt was agony. The idea of my parents and the events came back from the depths of my mind, where I had hidden them so many years ago, when I travelled to the town where they were going to die after the transport of the prisoners. I saw them, my parents I mean, dying over and over again in my mind and in my dreams every day when I made that path. So, I was there when they were beheaded. When I finally saw the bodies I felt empty because as much as I hated and wanted them dead it didn't bring my parents back. I had wanted the revenge for years and that want had feed the agony and the cold grip inside me. On that day I knew the justice had spoken but I still felt the agony. It took years and both T'ing Mai's and Pong Ni's help to clear my soul and mind after those weeks."

Gabrielle was quiet long time after Cheng ended his story. She was surprised that the young man had such a past and so much dark feeling inside his heart. "This is funny", she whispered to the darkening evening. "You talk like I would have in this situation only less than year ago. I recognize I have changed, it's still there, buried inside me under the thought of vengeance is the young farm girl from Potedia that wanted to become the greatest bard even in the known world. When you talk me like that I just start wondering what had happened to me. I don't want to die but the dark side is so inviting. I understand now what it means when they say they can't stop themselves when they become bad. I don't want to become like Calisto but I can't another way. It's like my heart is on fire and the only way to damp it is the revenge. It feels like Gabrielle I used to be is dead because she wouldn't ever give up to darkness. Part of me is ashamed but the bigger part of me is crying for joy and that makes me so confused."

"My point is revenge only feeds dark feelings. The cycle of revenge must be stopped and it's up to peoples like you and me to do so. I don't ask you to stop hating but I ask you to think about this. If you bury the idea of revenge now and move on you can stay here and start over. Suffocate the dark feelings before they grow too big. You have already learned little bit of our language, I'm sure that it takes only few short years and nobody believes you are not fluent Chinese. Don't choose the revenge, choose new change. If you go back to Greece and face your shadows you might die and all of this, your surviving and your past months here, has been waste of time. You told me yourself your former friend is as good as the Greek gods when it comes to fighting. Why take a risk when revenge gives you nothing but agony?" His voice was steady but full of power and resolve. He wanted to help the bond next to him. Her past months had totally cracked her pure soul but both T'ing Mai and Pong Ni, his biggest idols, had told him her soul would survive but only with the help of others.

"I want to do that, to start over, but I can't find enough strength to do so." Gabrielle's voice broke his thoughts and he focused back to the conversation. "You think you are alone? No, I can safely say that you have charmed everybody in here. We will help you to find the path you have lost. You heard what T'ing Mai said told to you yesterday, you are strong individual but you need friends to shine. WE love you, let us love you." He wanted to say more but somehow he was not able to. "She beat me to dead. Even I can't forgive that", Gabrielle hissed and let her posture to collapse.

"I don't ask you to forgive but remember you survived. You will carry the marks with you for the rest of your life but the point is you survived. When I first time saw you I thought you were a lost case. You were mass of blood and broken bones but when the days passed by you became stronger and stronger. They call you Xiàjiàng not because you fell but because you were able to get up. Even Pong Ni said that he hasn't ever seen anybody survive from that number of wounds. Remember you had over thirty broken bones and still you are here in the garden with me walking, not perfectly but in no time you can run and make flips just like before, with no lost body parts or permanent disability."

"You say I could start over here?" Gabrielle was still sad and a little bit angry but most of the surfaced rage was gone. "Yes! You are young like me. Take the chance master Ni is giving for you. He likes you and that's rare. He doesn't tolerate anybody in his hut. If someone goes there, for example to deliver him a message or a package, he never lets anybody sleep in that house with him. You always have to return immediately or sleep outside if you go there. He doesn't even like the fact that too many people know the exact location of his hut. He is been my teacher since I was six but I have been up there only once in my life. You also have to remember it's been decades since he last time had a student and he is old. It's ones in a lifetime opportunity to learn the secrets only handful of people knows and you have that change now. If you stay here you could achieve much more than you can ever imagine. Is the revenge worth of that? "

"It is but I think I could stay for a while", Gabrielle answered quickly. Their conversation had taken the path she had been thinking before Cheng had come. "It's peaceful here, not that I don't like action but it doesn't remind me of the life I had, at least not very much. You are right, I just want to forget but the dreams don't let me do so. I have to break or at least reflect the link or I will never be able to start over. It's just that part of me doesn't want to let go of her. As much as I hate her I can never stop loving her but I guess that is part of the 'you can't hate if you don't love first' thing Pong Ni told me about. I know I overreacted when I said I wanted to cut the bound but I'm so confused about everything." She confessed. "I can see you are already stepping to the new path of your peregrination. I'm proud of you that you can even talk with me about these things so openly but they say time heals more than just visible wounds. Maybe someday you are able to at least make a short trip back to your home country without feeling the pain and crave of vengeance."

"I don't know about that." Gabrielle's tone was much lighter than before. "If I go back I am not sure if I can't resist the opportunity to try vengeance. You said I'm young so maybe I can just try to forget and start over again."

"I know you can try but the question is, are you able to do it?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

"Well you should because you are the only one who knows the answer."

"Tell me, Cheng, you are only twenty and you suffered from the great trauma only few years ago. How can you be so wise?" The laugh escaped from his mouth before he was able to shut his mouth. "Well, I've grown up here with persons like master Ni and master Chin who passed away few years ago. Shame you were never able to meet him, you would have liked him. For my entire live they have been teaching me patience and inner calmness. I guess the philosophic side comes for a bonus."

End of part 17

It's been a great week and I've spend most of it watching Olympic Games. Shame Finland hasn't been able to get any medals yet but the games are not over yet… ;)


	18. Thanks for the memories

**Chapter 18 – Thanks for the memories**

Xena was not feeling good. She had been sick for few days and as much as she wanted to ignore it she had to admit she was not well enough to get up from the bed. Her last three months had been maybe the craziest months in her life at least since the hallucinations had begun. At the beginning it was only odd. Gabrielle came when she was alone and needed company. She hadn't told anything about it to anybody, not even to Hercules who had been her travelling company when she made her way to Athens.

She hadn't been sure what to think about the hallucination she had. She didn't want to be crazy which was obvious because only lunatics had hallucinations. However, she didn't want to let go of the image of Gabrielle. It was not real but it helped her though the hardest parts of the night when she missed her shorter companion the most.

When the days pasted by, and Athens had came closer and closer, the fake Gabrielle spent time with Xena more and more every day. Sometimes Xena saw her sitting next to Hercules writing her scrolls while they waited their meal to cook or just walking next to her while they travelled the rocky roads or windy fields to Athens. When Hercules or any other person was near she didn't say anything which Xena found funny because Gabrielle's brand was her never closed mouth. Although when she was alone Gabrielle talked liked always, subjects jumping from one to another so fast that Xena had difficulties understand even though she listened every word her hallucination said.

Sometimes, when Gabrielle commented something that Hercules had done or said Xena had difficulties remember she was not real. She was always kind and tried to help Xena as much as she was able to. Sometimes she remembered even better than Xena that she was not real and remembered to tell it for her taller partner almost every time she appeared. It was weird and not healthy to have hallucinations, as Gabrielle often remembered to remind her, but she didn't want to get help, it was her way to survive. During her years as a warlord she had learned to hide her emotions under her stoic warrior mask but Gabrielle had always been able to rip it off with only one look. Pain of losing Gabrielle was still there but she only showed it to the bard's image.

When Xena and Hercules had arrived to Athens Gabrielle was regular visitor in Xena's world. She hadn't wanted to go to the Academy of Bards right away because part of her was terrified to make contact with people. During their travel to Athens Hercules had done most of the shopping and they had slept under the start every night so Xena hadn't make much contact with anybody. They had heard stories and rumors which were not good for Xena's reputation. It was odd that person like Joxer, who had never been accomplish anything big, had been able to ruin Xena's reputation so totally in a short time. Even Hercules was concerned because he knew Xena had hard time even without people who despised her.

Xena turned to her back and tried to find a better position. She had high fever, bad headache and every muscle in her body was in pain. It was rare that she had flu, as she thought she had, but this time it had been her own fault. Winter was coming and she was completely undressed for extremely cold wetter which was tormenting the whole Greece. She wondered what Gabrielle would have said if she saw her now. Normally Xena was the one warning the bard about too low amount of clothes.

She had decided to stay Athens originally for a few days but now she had stayed for almost three months. In the beginning she had stayed because the bard academy had insisted it. There was nothing to do and she was bored but there was no place she wanted to go so she waited if someone called help or something like that. Hercules had received a message from Iolaus that he needed his help and because Xena was not ready to meet Iolaus who had had a major crush on Gabrielle. She just wasn't ready to face the wrath of Iolaus and possibly Joxer, who had last time Hercules had seen him been with Iolaus, as well. The other reason she didn't go with Hercules was that she had promised to be a jury member in the competition between young wannabe bards.

Xena thought about her time in Athens. It was different and much less stressing than her live on road. She spent her days doing nothing specific. If someone needed help with anything, she was ready to help. Sometimes it met chopping logs, helping old people by carrying their bags or helping at the stables. She did just enough work to maintain the basic expenses which she wanted to pay by herself. In the evening she used to sit on taverns and listen what was happening out in the country side. Most of the stories the bards told were about the battle in Marathon against Persians where Hercules had saved the day. Other classics were Gabrielle's stories of their journeys in last couple of years. In a short time she had become a legend among bards, actually one of the most popular female bards and now that the bard academy owned the copies of her stories she was becoming more and more popular every day.

Xena remembered the day she had finally went to the sanctum of Bards. She had been extremely nervous and almost ran away just because almost every bard knew her though her carrier both as a warlord and as a warrior of greater good. The day had been beautiful, one of the warmest in weeks. It had almost looked like the winter had just disappeared and spring was coming. That never happened because the next day had been dark and rainy.

-.-

"Do you want me to come with you?" Hercules asked at the breakfast. Xena was finally, after four days of hesitation decided to do it and complete the task she had given for herself. "No. I want to do it alone. It's just something I can't describe but I know I have to do it alone." Her voice was steady but her mind wandered miles away. To give away the copies of Gabrielle's scrolls was something she feared and wanted at the same time. It felt like final good bye to donate her lifework away to be copied and sold all over the Greece and probably Rome as well. I was also something she knew Gabrielle would be proud of. Not many young bards like Gabrielle became so famous in so little time and she knew it was every bard's dream to be a legend.

"Okay then. We will see here later, or?" Xena stood up and grabbed the pack of scrolls. "Yeah, see you later. Have fun whatever you do today!" She drank the last sip of her morning juice and walked to the busy streets of Athens. The academy of performing bards was not far away and it was early so she decided to go check Argo before going in.

"You realize you are temporizing, right?" Gabrielle asked when Xena checked her beloved horse's water container second time than morning. "Oh, good morning to you. I was wondering when you show up", Xena replayed closed the door of the stall. "I was hoping I could come with you to give away my scrolls." Xena snorted. "You know when you say it like that it sounds like you don't want me to give them away."

"Maybe I don't want that. You can't know for sure." They walked out, side by side, from the stables and headed to the academy. "Last time I saw you, you were excited about this donation I'm going to make", Xena remind her personal friend. "No, last time you saw me I was falling down from the cliff and you were yelling vengeance. You don't know what I though at that time but I can swear this was not the first thing in my mind." Xena looked at her friend who no one else could see. It felt so comfortable to look at her familiar face but when she, at the same time, heard the words that hurt her more than any dagger or sword could made her feel uneasy. "Tell me are you trying to be Gabrielle or not because sometimes you act like her but then, like now, you want to point out you are not her. What you want me to think?" She wondered what other people thought when they saw her talking to bare air. Hopefully nobody recognized her so the embarrassment wouldn't be so massive.

"I want you to believe that whatever I say, I say from your heart. I'm not the Gabrielle you want me to be, I come from you. I'm your mind's way to keep going and going and not collapse. What I say is what you think I should say so when I argue with you, it means you are not completely standing behind your opinions. What make me say thing I say is you, so, it's up to you to think what I am. Gabrielle or… vision?" Her voice was light like she would have told Xena about what she ate yesterday or how she had bought a couple of empty scrolls from the market stands.

"Oh my god I'm going crazy. What would my mother say now? I don't want to become crazy. How can your dead effect on me this much?" A girl standing near a stall Xena passed by gazed her weirdly. She probably thought Xena had been talking to her. "If you truly want me to leave I will but the decision must come from your heart. You control me, not the opposite. I am here because you need me to be here. To answer your question why I'm here I think the answer is something to do with the fact that we were deeply connected. The relationship between us was the best thing ever happened to me and I will never forget that. Hallucination or not I want to give you as much comfort as I am able to."

They walked the stairs to the bards' academy side by side. Xena was not sure how to answer so she decided to be quiet. The situation she found herself was the weirdest she had ever been involved. She loved the vision as much as she had the real thing but at the same time every time she looked at the fake Gabrielle she felt a stab in her heart. The hallucination only reminded her of what she had lost and what she wasn't going to get back.

"Hello, how may I help you?" Young, mid-twenties, looking man asked when Xena entered the building. He was sitting behind the desk writing something to the document in front of him. "Yes you can. I'm looking for someone who is in change her. Could you show me the way?" She ignored Gabrielle who was rolling her eyes. "That was smooth my friend, very smooth." Xena was happy the secretary wouldn't hear Gabrielle. "Well, my lady, it's not that simple. I need to know why you want to see him so I can estimate the urgency of your business. Then, I can try to make appointment for you to go talk whatever you want to talk with him."

"I really need to meet him now. It's not urgent but important. I would like to make a donation, quite big donation, and that's the reason I need to talk with your head bard or whatever you call the one in charge." She tried to ignore Gabrielle who was not happy of her not so smooth altitude by thinking that the figure next to her was not real. "Well, my lady, I will go to ask. Wait here, it won't take long. Could you please tell me your name or the name of the bard you are representing so I can talk about you with your name, not as a woman or lady", youngster tried to be politic. "It's Xena. I mean my name is Xena."

"You're Xena? Wow, I have heard dozens of stories about you. I… I will be back as soon as I can. Just wait here", she shouted and ran though the door behind his desk. "Well at least here your reputation is only good thing", Gabrielle murmured and sat to the desk. "I guess so. Weird I thought everybody hates me", Xena snorted and slightly adjusted her position. She was nervous because she didn't like to stand alone in a big hall where strangers walked past her and gave her odd looks. "It's not me they loved, it's always been you. Joxer was able to create an illusion for a while by making you the bad guy but in the end, no matter how big mistakes the heroes make, they are always able to get back on stage and gain back their reputation. You may need to do some hard work but you will raise and soon everybody will love you again."

"Sometimes I can't believe you come from my subconscious. I have never believed in such a thing. Those were always things Gabrielle said or believed in." Gabrielle shook her head in disbelieve. "You haven't but you know it's true. I come from your subconscious but I'm also linked to Gabrielle. That's why I'm able to sometimes think and act like her."

"And how is it possible that you are linked to Gabrielle. She is dead." Xena started to pace and she was extremely happy that there were not anybody with her in the hall. "When I lived and we were together, we were close. When I died, part of me kept living inside you. That part gives me fuel and I guess that feeds you as well." Xena was not able to answer because the boy returned with an old man wearing colorful robes. "Hello Xena. I'm Kaualius and at the moment one of the most respected bards in this house. You wanted to see me and if I understood Polianus' words right your reason to come here was not urgent but important." He was short, bald man, about mid-fifties or more. He had small blue eyes, not as sparkling color Xena's eyes, which made his face a bit weird shaped. He was wearing some sort of crown made of leaves. It was not laurels but something alike. "Yes, hello, my name is Xena. Could we talk privately or are too busy?" She was not in a mood of small talk. "Sure young lady, please follow me. Polianus if someone asks me say I'm busy, please?"

"Sure master Kaualius", youngster answered proudly. It was obvious he was proud of his job and wanted to do everything the older bard asked for. "Drop the master, will you?" Kaualius' tone was annoyed and clearly told Xena that he didn't like the eagerness of the young student.

Xena followed the bard thought the maze of halls and stairs to the office of the bard. Gabrielle followed Xena like a talking shadow admiring almost every painting or statue they bypassed. The office was small but full of scrolls, both empty and full, quills and the smell of ink. For Xena it was like a déjà vu of the evenings Gabrielle had written her scrolls while she waited the food to be cooked. The smell was same but the environment was different.

"So, why did you wanted to meet me. It's honor to be needed by one of the newest heroes of Greece." It took a half second for Xena to get her mind back to the situation she was in the middle of. "Ah yes, I hope you don't mind if I go straight to the business." She waited for Kaualius to nod or somehow register her sentence. "Ah this business of yours must somehow be connected to the dead of your friend, and the one of the most delegated young bard I've ever heard of, Gabrielle."

"Yes, I'm here because of Gabrielle." Xena answered quietly. She had feared this moment but she was ready to face every accuse he gave her. In the end, she was here to honor Gabrielle's memory. "We've heard the rumors what happened to her. They say you killed her because you didn't want to be kind anymore and she was only thing between your and ruling the world. We haven't published the story so it's only rumor for me but many believes in it. I assume it's not true because you are her because of her." Xena was taken back of the things the bard told her but eventually found her voice. "I didn't… because of that… no it's not the truth." She was able to gag.

"Yes I thought so. It was quite unbelievable story I heard about that incidence. I would like to hear the real story if you are ready to share it. Anyway, you had a reason to come here and I heard someone said she wants to go straight to the business." Xena was still a bit taken back from the horrific information she had just heard. "Eh, yes, I… I will see. That's part of the reason I'm here. Like you said she is young but very well-known as a bard and people are telling her stories all around Greece. I was just thinking all those stories are spreading mouth to mouth but she has written down most of her stories." her voice faded to whisper. "Just get to the point", Gabrielle encouraged. She was standing next to Kaualius so when Xena spoke she was able to talk to her instead of him.

"So, when she died, and yet I am not ready talk about it, I just hope she would be able to life though her stories. That's why I made copies of her scrolls, some are not finished but most of them are, and I was hoping that maybe I would be possible to add them to your library. I know she would have loved it so as a last favor for her I just hope you could make her dream possible and let her live forever though her work." Older man was not able to say anything. It was well-known that Gabrielle also had written text but he had never seen any scroll written by Gabrielle. She was young, it was very rare that under twenty-year-old bards had any reputation and the fact that she was a woman made it even more unique. Still, at the moment, Gabrielle was one of the most popular storytellers in the whole Greece.

"That… do you know the value of your offer. She is in at the moment as are you. Though her stories you have become one of the most popular heroes in this country. You are at the same level with Hercules, partly because of your unique and tragic past. I would be an honor to have even part of that collection." His chin fell to the floor when Xena opened her bag and emptied the huge collection of scrolls to the table. "Some of these are not completed but they were copied as they were. They are copies, I still own the originals but I won't give them away." She acted like she didn't notice the face of the old storyteller. "This is the biggest donation we have received in years. It's… thank you, the world will remember your bard forever."

"Yeah well it won't take away the fact that she died because of me and that's why it is ironic that most of the stories are about me. I just don't feel like a hero at the moment." Gabrielle smiled her sadly. "I want to thank you of this, you are very thoughtful and this moment we have shared together showed me that you are truly kind and selfless person. It would be an honor if you could stay here in Greece for a few weeks so you could participate in our competition for young bards as an honored member of jury. It's the least I can do and it's the same competition Gabrielle won a couple of years ago. I was not able to be there but my colleagues told me she was magnificent. She won a place here in our academy but she decided to give it away." Xena smiled mostly for herself. She remembered that week like it would have happened yesterday. "Yes, she told me about it. The reason she proceeded like that was simple, here she would have been able to tell stories, with me she lived them."

"And that makes her so popular. Some calls her Battling bard of Potedia because she was more than just a bard. Her dead affected to the whole community of bards." Xena looked around her. She noticed Gabrielle was disappeared again but it didn't make her feel uneasy anymore. She was used to Gabrielle's comes and goes. "Yes, it would be an honor to be the member of jury. However I'm not sure how I fit to that kind of job. I can't register every slight different between two different performances." It was Kaualius' time to smile. "That won't be a problem."

-.-

Later that evening Xena realized she was running out of medicine herbs but she was not feeling any better. She understood she had to go buy some more or she would not be able to sleep at night. Getting away from the bed was hard, her muscles crying in pain but she tried to ignore it. The fever made her feel dizzy and weak.

Slowly she dressed her usually outfit but, after realizing it was too heavy, she left the metal parts of her amour to her room. After leaving from Amphipolis she had decided to wear her leathers and amour again because you never knew what you met at the road. It was for her own safety although after arriving Amphipolis she had promised herself never to wear it again.

She thanked some higher power of having room at the first floor because he was not sure if had had been able to walk down the stairs. I was not late yet, but the streets were quite empty. The taverns were full but she didn't care where the people were, she just hoped the herb shop was still open or at least the healer would be at the infirmary.

Unfortunately, the medicament shop was already closed. Xena sat down to the alley and leaned to the door of the closed shop. She was totally exhausted even though she had walked only few hundred meters. The illness, which ever she had, was absorbing her energy storages faster than she had imagined. It was not a common flu, she was sure about it.

"Xena you have to get up", familiar voice told to her. Though her feverish sight she was able to distinguish familiar person standing just above her. "Hey, long time no see. Where have you been?" she asked from her shorter companion who sat next to her. "Been busy like always." Xena had noticed Gabrielle didn't come to her so often anymore and when she did she was much more commanding and in some ways colder than she had been. Sometimes vision tried to pick a fight of stupid things like how Xena dressed or what she ate but it always ended up to Gabrielle apologizing her behavior.

"You should really go to see doctor or something", Gabrielle said matter of factly. "Tried that but the place is closed", she whispered though her shaking lips. "It a place where they sell medicines, you have to go to meet a doctor how tells you which medicine you should take." She was honestly worried about Xena which Xena recognized from her voice. "Spat me later, will you? I'm kind of tired and not in a mood for a conversation like this", she didn't want Gabrielle to go but she didn't want to hear things she should do either. "Whatever. It's your live we are talking about", came the chilled answer before she disappeared to the darkness of the street.

Xena had no idea how long she sat there. People walked past her but nobody cared about her. She laughed for herself that maybe they thought she was just some drunken idiot who had drank a little too much but she had no strength so get up and return to her room or walk to the infirmary. The fever burned her body so badly that, although she had been in bad shape previously in her life, she had never felt so awful.

Suddenly she felt different kind of pain in her head. It was like someone poking her brain with hot poker or something like that. Her sight blurred and all of sudden she found herself looking at some tree tops and clear, blue sky. She also felt weird energy running in her body like something was giving her strength to get up. As soon as it had started in ended and she, ones again, found herself staring the alley in front of her.

The energy, however, was still there and with slowly but determined movements she got up and began her journey to the healing center. Some people she walked by stared her oddly but nobody said a thing. She knew she looked disaster, her hair dirty and tangled, big bags under her eyes and her skin all sweaty and smelly.

She had no idea what had just happened, her feverish mind was not able to process it, but with that energy she had in some weirdly way received she was able, slowly but steadily, to walk the way to the infirmary. There were not many customers so the healer spotted her right when she stepped in. "Hello, I'm sick." Xena was able to whisper before she lost her consciousness. The healer grabbed her and, with a help of one of the patient, placed her to the table.

He noticed the symptoms of the influenza right away. There had been several sick people during the last few weeks so he was not surprised to get one more patient suffering the disease. Years it had been incurable disease but recently, mostly though accident, they had discovered an herb that helped. The only problem was it was hard to get so it was very expensive. Normally he asked first if the patient had enough money to cover the cost of the herb but this time it was already too late for that. Apparently the warrior had decided to wait till the last hours before she had came for him and that had caused her to run out of any kind of energy. It was a miracle that she had had the strength to walk to his station. In the risk of losing his money the greedy healer decided to try curing the woman. He was not completely sure but the woman looked very familiar.

The operation sounded more difficult than it really was. The medicine paste had to press to the open wound so it could spread to her whole body though the blood. After waking up she would have to take another portion though her mouth by drinking the potion he would prepare. The healing would take at least few days, probably more but not more than a week. After that she would feel a bit uneasy and stiff but it would go away with some stretching. With a body like she had, he knew she worked out a lot so it would not take long to be fully healed.

End of part 18


	19. In a need of understanding after finally

Chapter 19 – In a need of understanding after finally moving on

When Xena woke up it was dark outside. She had no idea how long she had slept but she immediately noticed she was feeling better. She remembered waking up few times at the same bed but those memories were blurry and mixed. She barely remembered the night when she had arrived to the healing center. Her feverish mind had tried to find help but her body had refused to co-operate with her mind. She remembered falling and stumbling to the ground more than once. The blurry imagines centralized to the moment when she had sat at the door of the medicine shop and tried to get up with no success. There had been some rapid pain in her head and tree tops but she had no idea what it had been or if it had even happened. Probably it had been some crazy trick her feverish mind had decided to play. However, she had gained some indescribable energy from nowhere and with that, and with few fallings and vomiting she didn't want to admit, she had been able to come to seek for help.

Her body was still weak. She didn't want to be in a bed but she understood she had no strength to get up. Probably the cause of that was some sedative herb mix they had given her to make her sleep the worst part of the sickness. At that point Xena was pretty sure the sickness she had had was not common flu. She decided to sleep a little bit more to gain some energy and strength to pay and get away from the sick house.

Few hours later, at least Xena hoped it was few hours, it was still dark when Xena woke up. She immediately noticed another presence in the room with her. She raised her upper body a bit so she was able to scout the room. There was a woman sitting not far away from her bed reading a scroll. Next to her was a bowl and goblet, probably the dishes she had used to her evening meal. She looked like she had sat there for a while but Xena didn't remember seeing her last time she had been awake.

Xena watched her companion move a little bit so the candlelight lit her face a bit more. She couldn't see all the details of her face but her profile looked so much as Gabrielle's. Xena couldn't stop herself from whispering the name of her maybe the dearest she had loved more than anything ever in her life. "Oh thank gods you are finally awake", the girl, who was not Gabrielle, said happily and stood up from the bench she had been sitting. "Let me give you something to drink", she continued and picked up and goblet from the table. She hadn't obviously understood what Xena had tried to say.

"You may feel quite stiff at the moment but that is normal after influenza. You are lucky you are even alive." She explained when she helped her to drink some water from the goblet. "How long…", Xena managed to gag when the girl placed the mug back to the table next to bed. "How long you have been sleeping? Little bit over four days. Smetrium, the head doctor in here, was concerned about you. It was, as we call it, very close case. Few more hours and you would have been out of our healing abilities. Influenza is a serious decease, until recently there were no ways to cure it. You were lucky they found the herb that cures it, slowly but cures in the end."

"I slept for five days? I knew it was not a common flu. Well, I'm awake now so when can I leave?" She knew they wouldn't let her go but she wanted to ask anyway. Maybe it was her way to show she was not weak. "We will see. It's up to you and your recovery. Maybe in few days you will be strong enough to go home, who knows. Listen we were not able to contact your family or anybody else. Could you tell us where you live so we can go tell your family you are safe." Xena closed her eyes painfully. It was not physical pain but mentally. She hadn't thought it so much but now when it was directly it stabbed her to her hearth more painfully than any sword or dagger could have done. "I don't have a family in here. I'm only visiting Athens but I live in the Blue Sculpture inn. If you could, please go there and say I'm here if, which I don't assume, they are worried."

She smiled and stood up from the edge of the bed she had been sitting. "Sure, I will go and tell Smetries to come here and check you now that you are awake." At the door she turned and added "I'm Nila by the way." Xena snorted and adjusted her upper body back to the mattress. "Nice to meet you Nila I am Xena", she half whispered before Nila disappeared from her sight. She heard a sharp gasp from the door, Nila had probably recognized her name.

Next time Xena opened her eyes older man was standing next to her bed. "Hello Xena. I'm the head doctor of this infirmary. It is good to see you are awake." He said politely. Xena remembered he was the same man she had seen before collapsing to the door. "Thank you for saving my life." Part of her hoped she would have died. "I'm sorry I crashed in like that." Priest smiled and took a plate from the table. "You were not the first who came in like that. Here, I know you don't feel so good but you have to eat something. You haven't eaten in five days and I doubt you ate much before you came here. Your body needs nutrition so it can heal from the decease you had. I don't know how much Nila explained to you but the decease you had is almost impossible to cure without right medicines. You are lucky you are alive. Thanks to your body's strength you were able to come here before it was too late."

"I've heard about the Influenza. It was a great plague at the road few years ago." Xena remembered the winter very well. She had lost most of her men and in the end she had been forced to kill the sick ones herself to prevent the spreading of the incurable decease. "So it is true. You are the Xena, the warrior princess Xena, the former warlord, the destroyer of the nations."

"I do have many titles but personally I hate most of them. Please, of you could, don't use them. It's just Xena." She was aware of the priest's hand that wandered over her body searching and cataloging the damages the decease had made. She hated it when anybody except Gabrielle touched her but she didn't say a thing. She had been sick and she needed him to get better.

Xena closed her eyes and let her mind wander somewhere away from Athens. Even before she got sick she had decided to leave Athens and start wandering again. It was what her heart really wanted and in spite of the travelling and helping people remind her of Gabrielle it was what she loved and knew Gabrielle would appreciate. She had always said to everybody that whatever happened, always try to get up and move on. Lying in the fire was the worst-case scenario. Ironically, she had done just what she always warned not to do. She stayed in the fire because it required too much energy to get up. I might hurt at the beginning but in the end going back to road was the best alternative. She remembered the day she had told to Ares she had retired and she knew that when she was back in action Ares would let her hear about it. Refusing Ares would be hard now when there was no-one to guide her though the darkness but she promised both for her and Gabrielle that she wouldn't slip to the darkness again.

-.-

Gabrielle walked the path to the dining hall alone. It was rare that nobody was there with her trying to help her in any possible way. She had always loved people but few weeks back at the academy had showed her enough is enough. In a short time she had learned most of the peoples in the academy by names and made good relationships with dozens of people. Chinese were much different than Greeks and Romans. They were more openly and curiously, they talked about anything; there were not much taboos like there had been in Greece. Although she spoke only a little bit of Chinese everybody wanted to teach her and if she couldn't communicate with someone there were always someone eager to translate.

About a week after she had came back to academy with master Pong Ni she had accepted the honored place as master Ni's apprentice. It had had supposed to be a small ceremony but in the end almost every resident of the academy had been present. The wows had been spoken in both Greek and Chinese. She had received some gifts as the tradition said, normally they were given by the father and mother of the student and the master that gained the student but in her case she received gifts from Pong Ni of course and her deepest friends from the academy. She was not sure if it was true, but she had heard that T'ing Mai had had to say no for many that wanted to give something for her.

Gabrielle had been shocked that people had took her so well and so quickly to their community. Only Cheng called her Gabrielle, all the others used Gabi Shi or Xiàjiàng, mostly because for Chinese it was difficult to enunciate Gabrielle. She didn't mind, she liked both of her new names maybe more than she liked her old one.

It had taken her less than anybody could even imagine building the obstacles and walls to protect her mind. She noticed the success almost immediately, at the first two nights after starting to work with the protection her nightmares had already been not so dominating. Third night the dream had started but she had recognized it as a dream. Fourth and fifth night the dream had started but she had been able to stop it and wake up without sweat before it really even started and after that she had even started to dream about it. The barrier also worked to the other direction. Even though master Ni had been able to walk through the barrier she had been able to defense her mind against T'ing Mai who had studied a little bit mind controlling years ago with Pong Ni. He had studied for years but Gabrielle had already mastered the protecting better than he had ever been able to do it. Of course, Gabrielle didn't admit it to herself, she had had very important a reason why she had to master the protecting so quickly and so perfectly.

After gathering her dinner she went to sit with three women from the same flexibility lesson she had attended. It was easy just to go sit somewhere and everybody was happy she was there. She gazed the rice and meat sauce on her plate. The food was so much different she had used to at Greece. The spices were mostly unfamiliar for her but she had learned to love them. She had even learned to drink jiǔ which was some kind of Chinese alcohol. It was miracle because she had always hated ale and the wine made her feel dizzy too soon. She did get dunk of drinking jiǔ or ricewine but it was more pleasant kind of drunken state than wine had given her. The other thing she was proud of was her chopstick eating skills. Cheng had told her she mastered everything she tried but that was, of course, not true. She had told him about many different things she had failed and regretted later, both with Xena and earlier with her sister.

Gabrielle didn't think much about her family in Greece. Every time she thought about her sister or her parents she felt the yearning. Sometimes she had thought about sending a letter to her family in Potedia. They probably thought she was dead, the knowledge must have reached them somehow, and as much as she paced back and forth she couldn't sent the letter. Almost every night she took a paper and wrote to her family and every night she burned the letter as well. She wanted to send it but she couldn't. If someone other than her family member found out the information would evenly reach Xena as well and if she wasn't coming to seek her because of the soul connection disaster the message to her parents would definitely be too big mistake if she wanted to keep low profile. It was painful, but maybe it was best for everybody if she played dead for her old friends and family.

She didn't really listen the table conversation so she didn't notice when the subject went to the ruling families of China. After Xena had destroyed both the families of Lao and Ming the smaller families had tried to take their places. Now days it was a common subject of gossip to talk about whom was ruling where and why. There were always some little wars going on somewhere when two minor clan leaders tried to gain more ground. It didn't affect so much on small villages deep in the countryside or high up at the mountains. The conversation build up to be very stormy because T'hung Liu whose grandfather had been leader of the T'hung family fight with Chang Wha who had originally been part of the family of Chang. Neither of them had any connections to their families anymore but when T'hung and Cheng were fighting at the coast they had to defend their relatives even though they didn't even care who won. Gabrielle didn't understand much of the conversation so she sank back to her thoughts about her live in China.

Pong Ni had told her they would be going back to his house in few days. She looked forward to be back at the small hut. Now that she was able to walk she couldn't wait to be able to go bath to the steam or sit at the cliff looking down to the forest far, far below her and just sit there and watch the sunset. Sometimes it scared her how well she had adapt China as her new home. She did miss Greece but not as much as she might have.

Few days after she had officially been named as Pong Ni's new apprentice they had talked about what was going to happen now that she had decided to stay. There was much more than just martial arts she was going to learn. To become strong and wise both your body and your mind had to be sharp and able learn new things every day. There was no such a person who could possibly know everything, even the oldest and wisest humans made mistakes.

Part of the ceremony she had received her first trainee weapon. The weapons were important because she had decided to put weight on the martial art training. When you mastered the first weapon you gain the next one and so one. Pong Ni had given her the first weapon in the evening of that day with a smirk.

"It is traditional to receive a first weapon at the day of the day you accept the apprenticeship. Usually you accept one when you are about ten summers so the first weapon is the one that can be harmful if you know how to use it, but it has no sharp edges so the kids won't hurt themselves. Even though it might sound childish I want you to start with that same weapon." Something in his look made Gabrielle think he didn't say everything. "Okay, no problem. Are you going to tell me what kind of weapon we are talking about or is it a secret?" She wanted to know. "No, it's not a secret. The weapon I'm talking about is a kon."

"I have never even heard about kon. What is it like or do you have one here for me?" Gabrielle couldn't understand why the old man was smirking so visibly. "Actually you already know what a kon is. There is a similar weapon in Greece as well but there it is called quarterstaff. I understood from your stories you are already familiar with this weapon." He sounded more like a five-year-old who had just gained a new toy than mature old man explaining about a serious thing.

"Staff?" Gabrielle could believe what she had heard. Although staff remind her of the past she had always loves the weapon. "I'm going to continue with staff? That's… well… funny. I guess I will master it quickly." She tried not to show her gladness but failed. For her luck Pong Ni wasn't looking at her face so he didn't see glow in her eyes. "No, remember you can never truly master anything. Besides, the way we train and fight with kon is different compared to the styles in Greece. Be humble and you will move on to the next weapon very quickly."

"No, what I mean is that I love staff, kon, whatever you want me to call it. Using it has always been natural for me and the knowledge that I can continue working with it sounds good. Of course, I would like to learn using other weapons as well but at the beginning staff is enough for me." This time she didn't even tried to hide her enthusiasm. "It's good to hear you are not ashamed. Most of the people here in Chin call kon as a children's weapon but personally I thinks it's as powerful as sword."

"I know what it can do. I love it because it can make much damage but it's hard to use staff as a killing devise. Of course I know that direct hit to right place, for example to the neck, can be lethal. My only question is when do we start?"

In the end Pong Ni had decided not to begin the lesson before they were back at the mountain. However, she had been given an opportunity to choose her new staff or kon as the Chinese folks called it. It was slightly different than the ones they used in Greece. One of the major differences what that it was much longer but not as thick as her former staff had been. The new one was actually longer than Gabrielle. She estimated that the staff was about as long or slightly smaller as Xena was tall. However, it was not heavy like Gabrielle had first thought when she had seen the weapon. It was simple and made of dark wood and there were no carvings like there had been on her old staff.

Suddenly Gabrielle noticed that T'ing Mai had sat down next to her and the arguing girls were vanished somewhere. "Oh hi, I didn't even notice you were there", Gabrielle greeted him. "Yes, I saw you were buried your thoughts somewhere deep inside your mind. Is there something bothering you that I could help you though?" Her first friend in China asked. The verity that he was her first true link, she didn't count the disaster with the family of Ming about a year ago, to Chinese and their culture. He was also her savior which she would never forget. "I was just thinking. Even though I've been here for almost four months and the accident happened half a year ago I can't believe I, from all the people in the world, gain this opportunity to start over. I don't care how long it takes me to blend in your culture but every morning I remember what happened and I thank some higher power that gave me this opportunity. It's so much different than in Greece."

"If someone needs another change it's you Xiàjiàng. You are one the smartest and definitely the most persistent person I've met in years. I've never seen anybody surviving from such a great damage you have survived."

"Yea but still, I can't believe I can't believe I survived. I will have scars for the rest of my life but I will learn to live with them."

"I assume you have been thinking these things. Your mind seems much clearer than last time we sat down together and had a conversation."

"Yeah I've been thinking a lot since I accept the apprenticeship. I guess that made me realize that this is a great opportunity to move on. I… I've been afraid how to move or just simply what to do after I am healed. I was afraid I would have had to go back to Greece but I knew I can't go back, at least not yet. It's not because I'm afraid of Xena, it's because I know that as soon as I step back to the shores of Greece all the memories, shame and… I'm just afraid what is waiting me in there. I feel like I don't belong there anymore that my home is here now."

"I'm sorry I don't want to feed all my grieves to you but you asked." She added before Mai was able to answer. "Would you like to join me for a walk? Before you leave for the mountain again, I would like to talk about some things with you. We all know how stressful this all is for you and before you go I need to know you are capable of doing it. Your physical body is almost healed now but your soul has long way to go before you can say you are fully recovered. I have used to listen others grieves that's okay to me and I want you to remember that. Whatever happens to you during your journey you can always talk to me." While he was talking they had stood up, put their plates to the pile next to the kitchen door and on their way to the garden.

The garden had become one of the favorite places of the academy for Gabrielle. She had always loved to be in the open-air and sleep under the stars, although she loved the silky sheets she had inside, so she didn't find it so surprising the garden had became her favorite place. It was also the lovely smell of flowers she had never seen before that attracted her.

"You sound like my father when I was little. He always told me that it doesn't matter how bad the situation is I can always talk to him." She tried to keep her tone in control but there was always a visible crack when she talked about her family. "You miss them, don't you? Your family I mean." Gabrielle only nodded. "You must remember they have and they always will love you. You might be away from their lives physically but not mentally. Always keep them near in your thoughts. Also remember that any of us doesn't want to replace your family. We honor your past but we hope we can help you to in any way you need to blend into our community."

"I don't get it." Gabrielle said after a while. Whoever she talked with she always felt save and loved. Almost as save and as loved she had felt when she had been with Xena all those months before the accident. "How can every man in this place be so wise? First Pong Ni of course, then you and Cheng. You barely know me but you want to help anyway."

"It's in our nature and in the way we raise our children here Xiàjiàng. Both Chen and I have been adopted here when we were very young. I was a son of a mother that couldn't take care of me. My mother was a whore and my father her pimp. It was not a healthy to grow up so my mother made a decision and gave me away. Years later, when I was over twenty or so I hear they were died but I never really cared. Cheng's past is much alike. We have both grown up in here in these surrounding and maybe that's the reason we are what we are."

"Wow, I never knew you had a past like that." Gabrielle wondered what it would be like an orphan. "Many of us have and that's maybe one of the reason we want you to feel comfort and save. Most of us know how hard it is to survive from the mental pain." It was a shock that more than few of the trainees and youngsters in the academy were orphan. She hadn't thought before where the people came from but now that she knew it made sense. "I appreciate it. This place is like a place of happy new beginning", Gabrielle thought aloud.

"Yes, your right. I have never thought about it but yes, this place is a place of new beginning."

End of part 19

I think this is the end of the beginning or part one or whatever it is called. It's been said that time heal so that is medicine I'm going to give for them. I appreciate all the feedback you have given me and hope you can leave your comments so I can get the knowledge what you think about my story so far.


	20. Step by step

**Chapter 20 – Step by step**

It was probably the sound of a bird that woke Gabrielle. She had been sitting on a cliff watching the forest far below her and meditating but apparently she had fallen asleep during that. She did like to meditate, it was her way to clear her mind, but sometimes she was just too tired to be awake when she completely relaxed her body. It had been a long and tough day, like the most of her days, but it was still rare that she fell asleep during her meditation. Since coming back to the mountain third time she had made herself a strict plan of activity for each day which contained both physical and mental training and Chinese literature and culture.

During the year and half she had spent in China she had already learned to communicate with the natives. She was able to speak Chinese almost perfectly but of course her western accent was still heavily behind her sentences as well as the lack of vocabulary. She did understand the spoken language when she heard it but the written one was much more complicated. The alphabets were difficult to draw and there were many times more of those than in Greek's alphabet table.

She stood up and took a few unsteady steps. She cursed her stiff muscles and sprained ankle which she had, ones again, been able to twist. It was one of the negatives sides of living in the mountains; you always had to look carefully were to step or the result was twisted ankle. For a person, like Gabrielle, who liked to watch the nature and follow the paths of butterflies it was difficult to remember check where to step.

The spring behind the house had become one of her favorite places. Since her bad dreams had stopped when she had built the walls around Xena's soul connection she had been able to enjoy the benefits the spring offered. In the first months after first time investigating her mind she had waited and been afraid of Xena every day because she had been sure that she was coming to her when they had accidently made the connection and looked though each other's eyes. When the weeks and months had passed by without any word or sign of Xena she had relaxed little by little. The spring had first been uncomfortable place to be because in her nightmares she had always died next to the spring in subject. She had scared the dream very much because when she had first time seen it she hadn't seen the spring in the real world nor even ever heard about it so the place hadn't came from her memories but still it had been exact copy. She lost her fears very quickly when she realized the hot spring was the place that warmed her after standing near the windy cliff or the mountain long enough.

The first five months she had stayed with Pong Ni alone in the mountains. For a social person like Gabrielle it had first been difficult to be alone only Pong Ni as her company but she had used to travel alone with Xena, sometimes almost fortnight, without seeing any other human so it was not the end of the world for her. Live was okay in a peaceful paradise like she called the hut and the surroundings.

Training with a staff was much more difficult than she had first thought because the style was not like how they used the weapon in Greece. Even though master Ni was old, he was very talented and strong in a mental way. He used a lot of metaphors which had, in the beginning, been sometimes very difficult to understand. He had also changed the language he used little by little. It had begun from some little terms or the names of some foods and slowly increased to the level where almost everything he said he said in Chinese. He hoped Gabrielle could answer in Chinese but he didn't mind so much if she used Greek as her communication language. Also for Gabrielle, it had begun so slowly and discretely that she hadn't even noticed when she had started to use Chinese as her communicating language as well. In the beginning she had started to use just some terms, like the names of the foods she didn't know in Greek, but only in few months after riding back to the mountains second time she had noticed she used more and more Chinese to communicate with Pong Ni. It was part of the decision to forget everything that reminded her of her live before she came to China. That's why she was happy she learned the language more and more every day.

It was almost a year since her life had turned upside-down when she had decided to leave the mountain for a while. She was not proud of those few months; she had wanted to let go of every taboo she had and try new things she hadn't done before. It had been fun for a while but in the end she felt only shame of things she had done because most of them were against her principals. Pong Ni and T'ing Mai had said that it was normal after a trauma to test the limits and own convictions. They understood it and after her rebellion they helped her back to her path again.

Although many thought that being Pong Ni's trainee met becoming the greatest warrior in the world it was not even close the truth. The lessons she appreciate the most were the mental ones. She liked to train her mind and question everything she learned. She had already learned a lot things she had never thought existed. For a simple farmer's daughter like she had been before she met Xena everything she had experienced during the last four years had been new and interesting. Sometimes it was difficult to remember that she was only twenty.

Pong Ni had asked many times what she wanted to learn; pure martial arts, culture, medics or a combination of everything. She had chosen martial arts, history and culture. She had also learned a lot about healing but without real test subjects it was difficult and that's why left away from her "schedule".

The birthday party the Chinese had organized for her had been a total surprise. She had mentioned the day briefly during some conversation but she had no idea they remembered the day. It had been one of those brief trips to the academy to get the supplies they needed for. The runners had spotted them soon enough to get everybody ready to play their part of the surprise party. It had been very emotional day for Gabrielle because only a year ago she had spent her nineteen birthday with her family and friend in Potedia. It had only weeks before her world had collapsed. She missed her family a lot. She hoped her parents were okay and Lila had found someone special to live with. It was common for eighteen-year-old to get married and she knew Lila had had many crushes during her teenage years. She hoped they had been able to continue their simple life after hearing the devastating news. Almost every week she wanted to send them a note that she was okay and doing well but inside her mind she knew she couldn't do it.

The other thing she thought a lot was Xena. Many times she stopped herself just before she broke the walls and peak was she was doing. She was confiding her mental powers were advanced enough to hide her presence if she broke into Xena's mind. During the last year her hate for her former companion had only increased but in some point, about few months ago, she had begun to think the events for a different perspective. She saw the motives and paint behind the warrior's actions; the pain of losing her only child and the pain from Gabrielle's own fraud. If she had told about Hope soon enough noting would have happened. She was still angry for Xena; she couldn't believe how the warrior had decided to Gabrielle's her life after all they had gone though. Still, a new feeling had surfaced only few months ago. Along missing her family she missed the tall warrior as well. She was just not strong enough to hate someone she had loved so long time.

Part of her was happy of what Xena had done. She hated the scars and sudden pain she sometimes had but she loved her new life. She had many friends she loved to spent time with and she had learned so much during the year and half she had spend in China. Most of that time she had used to recover but still it had been fun, if she didn't let her thoughts surface too often.

Gabrielle removed her shoes and stepped inside the little hut. She smelled the delicious food they were going to eat just in a few minutes. It was sometimes odd that she didn't have to cook so often anymore. Pong Ni didn't like Greek cuisine so while still learning how to cook Chinese foods she usually just past the chore to master Ni.

It was funny how her relationship with master Ni had changed. In the beginning she had been a little scared how to act when he was near. Many of her age in the academy had told Gabrielle how difficult it was to keep the old master happy. If you did something wrong you would found yourself kicked out from the course faster than you could say I didn't mean it. Of course their opinion had based on how they had seen him as a teacher of an advanced level course. Quickly after settling the rhythm of her new live she had discovered that under his emotionless shell was loving and caring old man. The failures of his former student who had both now dead had hardened his heart so everybody saw him as a grumpy old man. Now that Gabrielle had seen his true self she considered him as her second father. Although he had tried not to form too close relationship with young bard it had been natural reaction.

"Did you find something interesting to think about?" Master Ni asked when Gabrielle stepped inside. "Yes, I had very interesting dream. Answer to your question, no, I fell asleep." She sat down next to master Ni and watched Pong Ni who tried not to show any emotions but failed and smiled a little bit. "Well dreaming is thinking although not that kind of thinking I hoped you were going to do." They started to eat while talking. "Well, I bet I'm not the only one who has fell asleep while meditating", Gabrielle tried to defend herself. "I know young one, I know. Everybody is sometimes so tired that that happens. It's not yours or anybody's fault, blame human body if you want to blame something."

"Naah, I can't find a reason to do so. This is good by the way." Gabrielle concentrated her attention back to her plate. It was basic food again, rice and sauce, but she had learned to like it. At the beginning it had been difficult to eat rice every meal. She had missed steaks and potatoes which were not part of Chinese or Pong Ni's cuisine. It was hard to say if there were steak culture in China because what she knew about the foods they ate in China was based on what the ate in Academy or what Pong Ni cooked. She didn't miss potatoes anymore or bread, which was other thing master Ni hated.

"So, I was wondering if you are ready to change weapon again. Today I watched your routine and it seems you can master any weapon I give you in less than a year. From your own description about your skills I never thought you could be as good as you are." It was rare that master Ni praised someone so frankly. "Yes well I did know how to use _kon_ before I came here so I had a vantage but thank you, I appreciate your opinions. Although I must say I like it even more without any weapons. For me it's not fighting that I love, it's the feeling when you learn something new. I've never really been interested about killing people. I have done that, twice actually but you know about those events, but it is not why I train her as your apprentice. A year ago all I could think about was vengeance but not anymore. It's still there, inside me, the desire of vengeance I mean, but I don't let it surface so often anymore. What I want is to forget and learn new things."

"Xiàjiàng what I want you to remember is that sometimes it's not good to forget. I know it's painful for you to remember those events that lead you to here but it is part of you know and whatever you do it's still there. You have told me that famous rock example Xena told you ones. Why are you thinking it doesn't consider you as well? Your trauma is your rock which is now part of your lake. Your anger was the ripple that comes when you throw something to the water. Many asked me why I helped you to shield the connection and fuel your anger a year ago. I never answered but now I know it's time to tell you the truth behind my actions.

"I know you are still in a state that the hate is mightier that love. You will understand that sentence when the time is right but I think that day has not yet here. However, I do know you have started to doubt your actions and began to see the reasons behind your friend's actions." Gabrielle grimaced visibly when Pong Ni referred to Xena as her friend. "Don't show me any faces Xiàjiàng. Anyway, you have started to question your decisions and one day, I bet, you will understand completely. You needed to rip all the bounds you had in process to start building them again. That's why I helped you in the beginning because I knew it helped you over the hardest part."

"I know that. Many times I've been wondering if I'm the new Calisto. There is just this huge part of me that fights against it; I've always been able to forgive in time. When I was young the things were smaller, I fought with my sister but we were always able to forgive before we went to sleep. When I grew older I had fights with my parents, they wanted me to marry Perdicus, have few kids and settle down. They told me that before I was fifteen and it hurt because my dream was to travel and see different places and people. I was angry for weeks but in the end I realized they only wanted to guarantee my future. Now this things with Xena I know I said it was unforgivable but part of me understands her. That's why the rest of me is furious because I don't know what to do. I understand what Calisto felt after her family was butchered by Xena but I'm different, I am not able to hate her anymore. I am just… disappointed." She tried not to cry but she could hold the tears which watered her cheeks.

"Remember Gabrielle you are not alone." Old man tried to console his crying companion. Among the months Gabrielle had stayed with him the bond between old master and young bard had tightened a lot. "No don't call me that I am not her anymore", she yelled and started to cry even louder. "I don't know who I am anymore."

Normally their table conversation was not as intensive as it was that day but all in all master Ni thought it was good to get the suffocated feeling back to surface. That was the only way how to solve the problems that drilled holes in Gabrielle's mind. After shutting the connection Gabrielle hadn't talked much about her life and childhood in Greece. It was easy to notice she did thought about it almost every day but she didn't want to talk about it aloud anymore. Now, almost a year after building the mental barriers he gain his first true victory and understand immediately that Gabrielle was much further forgiving Xena that he had ever thought she would.

When he had first time met Gabrielle he had understood she was kind and wise young lady but full of negative feelings. He wanted to heal her both inside and outside because during his life he had seen many young man and woman falling apart because their minds were sick. Sometimes they had just been crazy but many times it was because of some huge trauma. That's why he had learned that it was as important to heal the mind as heal the physical body.

-.-

Later that week Gabrielle found herself again from the academy. It had been weeks since she had been away from the mountain hut which was now her home. Suddenly few days after the emotional table conversation Pong Ni had said that today it was time to visit the academy. They had arrived few hours before the sunset and immediately faced a warm welcoming. The rest of the evening was spent partying almost to the next dawn.

Twice in a year everybody in the school gathered together to watch graduations. They were part of the customs the training school had formed during its existence. In the beginning Gabrielle had thought that the academy was found by Pong Ni himself but in reality it had been Pong Ni's great-great-grandfather, Shou Ni, who had decided to found a place to train orphans and children from the poor families. Originally Shou Ni had been a great healer with knowledge of techniques no-one else remembered anymore but because the martial arts were so deeply connected to Chinese culture it had quickly became training school as well.

There were people like T'ing Mai or Cheng that chose only to learn healing or just a little bit of fighting techniques and probably that was the reason why there were always only a few dozen people doing their mid-tests or level endings at the graduations during the next few days. After their arrival to the academy master Ni asked if Gabrielle was ready to her first level ending test. It was a match against another trainee who was about on the same level of skills as she was. Gabrielle was not prepared to the match and said no when he first asked but after a good night's sleep she decided to try.

After only a few weeks of training Gabrielle had understood that she was not strong nor would she probably ever be. Her bravura was speed and flexibility. She couldn't use heavy weapons like two-arm swords or heavy maces but she was natural with smaller weapons. She had tried many kinds of weapons as an experiment but Pong Ni had limited her training to kon and nunchakus. He had said that after she mastered nunchakus they would move to sais and then swords if Gabrielle wanted to. Both of the weapons he had taught her were not sharp so they were mostly used as a self-defense-weapons or kids weapons like most of the Chinese warriors called them.

After mastering nunchakus trainee would have to choose if she or he wanted to move training with weapons meant to kill. If the trainee chose to move on using weapons with blades then the sais, three pointed daggers, originally from Japan, would be the next step. The last weapon was sword, easy to use but almost impossible to master.

Before the trip to the academy Gabrielle had chose to start seriously training with nunchakus. Master Ni had told her endless of times that she was maybe the quickest-learning trainee he had ever had, actually Gabrielle was third person he trained completely, and also one of the most skillful ones as well. Now she was going to face level one graduation test and hopefully move to more advanced level. It usually took about two to three years to complete level one and Gabrielle had done it in less than a year but of course level one was usually completed when you were 10 or 11 years old.

First level tests were scheduled early at the first day of the week. There were 12 other persons completing the level. Most of them were young children, both boys and girls, nobody of them over 12 years. Gabrielle was afraid she had to fight against one of those kids but Pong Ni told her that she would have special arrangement so she wouldn't have to wallow with the kids.

Youngsters were full of enthusiasm and their fights looked more like games but still all of them were completely focused. Gabrielle was so drawn into the sight before her that she didn't notice when someone sat next to her.

"Hey, Xiàjiàng, how are you doing?" The voice belonged to Dao-Ming, a woman that Gabrielle had spent a lot of time lately. She was originally orphan like most of habitant of the academy. She had chosen the path of the fighter when she had had the change to choose. It was not easy way for a woman but she had made her choose and stand behind it. Nowadays she was a teacher and taught youngest children to learn the basics. "They are yours, aren't they?" Gabrielle knew the class was Dao-Ming's but she wanted to be polite. "Yup, they are mine. You see that small girl on the second line, birth-mark on her left arm, her name is Hua. She is only nine but already better than most of the boys. I'm proud of her. She is really focused to succeed."

"She reminds you of yourself when you were young?" Dao-Ming had told her many stories of her when she had been young and eager to learn. "Yea. Her parents died when she was two. Master T'ing Mai found her when he was coming back from the coast. It was seven years ago and I was only fifteen but I remember that day like yesterday. She was so cute. Since that day I've always kept her under my wing." She answered and followed the little girl with her eyes. "Must be awesome to see her there now, standing in the line and soon receive her first graduation medal." Gabrielle smiled. "Yes, she is always been near my heart. I've been thinking if I continue training her. If she goes with her team I lose her after this graduation. I want to keep working with her."

"I am sure she will become something magnificent when she grows up. Your support is something she will need." For a while two to friends followed Hua when she performed tricky routines in front of the crowd. "I don't want to do it. What if I fail, I would be so embarrassed, they are only kids." Dao-Ming smiled at her. "Your performance will be different that theirs and no, you won't fail. Probably you could have done it before you even begin your training with master Ni, I mean before you got hurt. Anyway, from your description you are already doing level two and three exercises. These graduations are just a protocol. Normally after level one you will move to training with Nunses but I understood you are almost mastered them."

"Nunses means Nunchakus right? I'm not so familiar with Chinese slang terms." She wanted to be sure what they were talking about before answering. "Yea sorry I forgot you are not native. By the way I forgot to praise your spoken language you have understood everything I say and been able to answer as well and I know how difficult it is to sometimes understand me, I speak so fast."

"Thank you I appreciate that. I have to admit there are some terms I am not familiar with but by using the context I guess what they mean." They were interrupted by a teenager who came to tell Gabrielle it was her turn to perform her routines. "It's easy you know." Boys name was Hong. "Just do what they say and you complete it with flying colors because master Ni is the best teacher you can have." He continued. "I have to do it before anybody?" Gabrielle panicked while getting ready to go. "Oh sure but you know, it's level one. Even I did it and I study medics." Hong repeated. "Hey good luck Xiàjiàng. Go now so later we can celebrate your victory." Dao-Ming wished and blew a kiss to her direction. "Oh yea I'm counting in that", Gabrielle joked and followed Hong to the back of the arena.

-.-

The performance was as easy as Dao-Ming had promised. She had had two combats with persons who normally only trained others to fight. First she had faced a man called Yun-qi Lee who was expert in non-weapon combat. He was partly trained by master Ni and was very excited about Gabrielle's skills without any weapons. He had praised her speed and flexibility and also been on the receiving end when Gabrielle had been able to walk though his defense.

The second match was with _kon_ or quarter staff as Gabrielle still called the weapon. Her technique was unique, combination between amazon and Chinese styles. Ying Lee, master of _kon _and sister of Yun-qi Lee had not been able to defense against Gabrielle and probably for the first time in history been able to beat the weapon master in graduation fight. Pong Ni, as well as numerous of other people, had been impressed of her skills and after a conformation between the panel of judges she had been raised directly to the level three.

After the day of graduations most of the combats were fought and only a few had to wait the next day. There was a little party for the ones who were done their tests but the bigger one was scheduled for the next evening when everybody was ready. Gabrielle received her part of the praises and drinks as well. By the end of the evening, and after the youngest members of the academy had gone sleeping, Gabrielle had ended up sitting with her nearest friends and drinking quite heavily. It was one of the things she had not done before she came to China. She had tasted alcohol many times but she had never drunk too much. She had hated ale, she still did, and was not been able to swallow stronger mixes. Only things she had drunk had been weak ciders and wines. Now, however, she was able to a lot more and a lot stronger things she had before. Maybe it was the taste, Chinese drinks were as strong as the ones in Greek but the alcohol didn't taste as strong as in the ones she had used to sip and then spit.

"So please, tell me, and tell me the truth, do you miss your friends in Greece?" Dao-Ming asked suddenly. "I do miss my family and some of my friends. There was this man, Joxer was his name, who was sweet and kind but always picking himself up from the floor. He said he was the best swordsman in the world but the truth was he could even kill a chicken. Sweetest thing was that he was completely in love with me." Gabrielle had tried not to think about her friends in Greece because she missed them terribly. "Ooh, so were you in love with him?" Cheng asked. "No! I don't prefer… I don't prefer his type. He was cute but a friend."

"C'mon Xiàjiàng tell us more. Any lovers you had to leave behind?" Dao-Ming tried to push more. "No, not really. I did have crush on someone but that someone never knew about it. I was also married for a day but my husband died the next day after our wedding."It was the first time she mentioned Perdicus. "Oh my god you have been married but I thought you were virgin when you came here!" Dao-Ming yelled. "I well… I erh… well he died before we were able to… you know because I couldn't do it that night. I tried but I… was not ready to… you know… do it." She was not comfortable speaking about her personal life. "So you are still virgin?" Cheng had to ask. "What do you think, buddy, after that month?" Chinese woman answered before the Greek could even open her mouth. "Well no it was stupid question but… Hey who was your first one?" Cheng demanded to know. "I am not going to answer. That person knows and I know and no-one else have to know."

"C'mon Gabi Shi you are boring, tell us. It happened here in academy, didn't it?" Cheng tried to push. "Oh yea tell us who it was", Dao-Ming helped Cheng. "No way! You have drunk way too much to keep that information private", Gabrielle refused. "Ahh so it happened here. By the way you have drunk way more than we so c'mon, tell us." He tried to push the right buttons but it was difficult when you didn't know where the buttons were. "Leave me alone I am ashamed of it."

"You are ashamed? How can you be ashamed? It's fun not taboo. I mean I remember my first time, I was so nervous but when it was over I lived in the clouds for days. I had a feeling I was the luckiest girl on the world." Gabrielle closed her eyes. She didn't want to have this conversation now nor here. "My mother told me that you are whore if you do it if you are married to the person you do it with. I can't change my way of thinking in a blink of an eye. That's why I am ashamed."

"Okay okay we don't tease you anymore. I just say it must be boring to be alone in the mountain without anybody to have, you know, fun… Oh my god do you do it with master Ni?" Cheng yelled in the middle of his sentence. "Oh my gods Cheng how pervert you mind is. Of course I don't have that kind of fun with master Ni!" Gabrielle had blushed before but now her face was red as apple. "Oh sorry it just popped to my mind. Hey I think we should go to sleep you both have started to slur quite heavily and my sight is quite blur. We can continue this conversation tomorrow… if I remember this tomorrow", Dao-Ming tried to act like an adult but her own slurring latten the sentence. "Oh sure I'm ready to bed." Gabrielle stood up slowly. "You mean you go to bed or sleeping?" Cheng tried to re-open the last subject. "Yeah, I am ready to sleep. There are no any one night relationships on my sight right now."

"It's not a one night relationship if you take someone you have had before", Dao-Ming tried to offer her solution. "Oh come on please stop that both of you", Gabrielle slurred and walked away angrily. "I guess she didn't like that", Cheng stated to his friend. Dao-Ming gave a shrug. "Maybe not but hey, we are drunk, we can talk like that when we are drunk and forgot during the night so no harm done, I hope."

End of part 20

I've been quite busy lately and I apologize if you thought I abandoned this story. No, I would do that and I am sure I will add the next part sooner than I did the last one. Also finished in hurry so all the mistakes are my fault. If you spot some big ones please sent a PV so I can fix them :)


	21. To Find the Courage

**Chapter 21 – To Find the Courage**

"Bazina doesn't look so good. Are you sure she is alright?" Gabrielle asked nervously and smoothed the mare's muzzle and forehead. The horse had acted weirdly for days and she was nervous if the mare was able to travel down to academy. "No but I think I know what's wrong with her. That is the reason I want you to pack little bit more. We may have to stay there a little bit longer than normally", master Ni answered calmly. When he didn't explain further so Gabrielle began to seek some hint by herself. "I can't find any wounds but she seems a bit down. She would have eaten something bad."

"She is totally fine, there is nothing bad with her. I think it is the opposite, actually."

"Don't tell then. I will give Ming Zhi three seconds to look at her and she tells me the answer to my question", Gabrielle decided and walked down to her room to do the final packing. She and master Ni were about to leave for academy to ones again fulfill their supplies before the winter season. Although it was Gabrielle's third winter at China she was not waiting for the wind and cold to come.

"Xiàjiàng, remember this is not vacation. You wanted to complete your training as quickly as possible so that means you have to work every day!" He knew he didn't really have to remind young woman about that but he liked to pick up the fact ones in while. The relationship between old Chinese and young creek had evolved and transformed a lot during the last years Gabrielle had lived with him. First he had seen her only as his patient and later student but during the months they had spent together the relationship between trainee and master had became more like a father-daughter relationship. Gabrielle had changed a lot, there were only a few marks that remind her about the incident three years ago; she carried a scare on her face probably for the rest of her life as well as some other minor scares under her clothes. All the bones had healed nicely and limping had disappeared totally. The wrist that had shattered had gain back most of its functions; sometimes when Gabrielle used her hand too much she needed to use a splint for a day or so but even that happened more and more seldom.

"Okay I have everything I need. If you are sure Bazina is up to it, I am ready to go", Gabrielle said when she came back to the living floor few minutes later. "Aah, that happened fast", Pong Ni answered. "Well, I don't own much. Besides I have used to travel, not so much anymore but still, so I know what I need and I am able to pick those items up quite fast if I want so."

-.-

"Hey buddy nice to see you!" Dao-Ming yelled when she grabbed Gabrielle to her bear hug and gave kisses her friend's cheek. "Nice to see you too, it's been four or so months since we were down from the mountain last time." Dao-Ming released Gabrielle from her bear hug and they began to walk side by side to the main building. It was already late, ride down to the academy had taken more time than usually because neither Gabrielle nor master Ni had wanted to fag the old mare.

"Oh yeah, I can't understand how you are able to spend your time in there. Only you and master Ni, wonder what you do to pass the time." During the time Gabrielle had been down at the academy Dao-Ming had became one of her deepest friends. She was few years older than Gabrielle. She was short as most of the Chinese, only an inch longer than Gabrielle. Her skin was nicely tanned, result of the long hours she had spend outside repeating her tricky routine over and over every day. Her hair, typical for Chinese, was long and black as coal.

It took Gabrielle only a second to find the hidden meaning behind her friend's sentences. "Oh no, don't even say that because I can see you are thinking about it. He is like a father to me, not like that." She tried hard not to brush but the color was already creeping to her cheeks. She knew Dao-Ming well enough to know how perverse she was capable to be. "Oh come on. I have heard about fathers that have been intimate with their daughters and both enjoyed it. It is not taboo, you know", Dao-Ming laughed when they stepped in to the hall. Gabrielle's only reaction was to stare her friend open-mouthed and turn her head from left to right to make sure no-one was close enough to listen. "Seriously Dao you are sick", she was able to whisper in the end. "Oh come on, you have slept with me, one more conquest to your book."

"Shut up Dao, it is not like I collect names to my book and no, I am not going to sleep with master Ni. So don't even think about it anymore. I may be younger than you but mentally you are just a 5-year-old." Gabrielle didn't want to sound angry or hurt to her friend but she couldn't do anything to the feelings she was having. A little bit less than a year after she had fallen from the cliff and ended up into China she had get bored to her life and done things she later regret. Every time someone even mentioned something she had done back then she just wanted to disappear and crawl under some rock.

"Oh so now you are shy." Chinese woman tried to tease her friend. "Do you remember what you did about two years ago?" It was late so Gabrielle decided to skip the diner and go straight to the bed. She leaded the way to the bedrooms while Dao-Ming followed her waiting for an answer. "Yes I remember and that was just because I was a child and wanted to test my limits. I have grown up during these few years", Gabrielle silently answered when they had walked for a few meters.

"Yeah I know you have changed. That is the reason I try to tease you, you have became too mature my friend. Master Ni's 'be patient' lessons have made their path to your mind. By the way you need to take some other room because we had to give your room to a sick lady that came here yesterday. The one next to mine and Cheng's is free so if you can stand me and Cheng then you can take that."

"Hey I can be wild if I want to. I just don't have to do that when I am up there. Let's just say that master Ni is not wild person himself. It would be… weird to act like that. He might kick me down from the cliff… never mind." Gabrielle's mood, which Dao-Ming had been able to improve whit her jokes dropped down faster than falling rock when Gabrielle mentioned cliff and falling.

"It still hurts you?" Older Chinese knew when you had to be serious. She liked to joke and do stupid things with her friends, never with her students, but she was also very capable of handling serious talks. Although Gabrielle had relaxed a lot during the years she had been in China, she still had problems when it came directly to the events that lead her to the academy and Pong Ni.

Older woman was sure Gabrielle was not going to answer when they reached the doors of their bedchambers. "Always. Just not in the same way that it did at the beginning."

"What you mean?" Chinese woman asked before she was able to control herself. "You don't have to tell if you don't want to but… I am always here if you need me", she continued before Gabrielle was able to say anything.

Gabrielle motioned her to come inside and shut the door when they were both inside the room Gabrielle was going to sleep in. "It destroyed my soul when it happened. You folks helped me heal part of it but it left scares inside me. First I only saw the hate but now I can see past it and I can see how much I lost. I might not hate her so much anymore but, although China is the best thing ever happened to me, I miss everything in Greece, even Xena which might be weird because only two and half years ago I swore to kill her if I meet her ever again. I have been thinking these things a lot lately. It is what I do when I have some time to spare, I meditate and think about my life and the world around me."

Gabrielle sat to her bed and Dao-Ming followed the action by sitting as well. She wrapped her arms around her friend's shoulders and wished Gabrielle could see how much she cared about her friend's emotions. "You have grown up", she whispered and felt like she had suddenly ten years older than she really was. "You are not that wounded girl who you were when we met first time neither are you that woman I slept with. Okay I could do that again but you hopefully understand my point."

"Of course I understand but I think you will turn to grey if I feed you all my thoughts every time I see you. It is not fare. By the way I thought you are item with Cheng. He might not like if you were with me like that or if he hears what you want to do with me." Gabrielle tried to lighten the conversation. She was tired to be that whiner baby she felt she always was.

"Hah, you have slept with Cheng as well. I am sure he understands because he knows how good you are. Besides, he said if I want I can be with girls ones in a while. Can you believe how cute he is? I bet he is one of a kind. So, I have the permission and we all know how good you are."

"Please let's not go to there again."

"Oh, you are so cute when you blush."

"Shut up!"

"Seriously…"

"Shut up!"

-.-

Gabrielle walked down the path to the forest. She had had an eventful morning starting from the breakfast in a noisy dining room before the sunrise. She had been up in the mountains for weeks so there were plenty of rumors she hadn't yet heard. After breakfast she had decided to go doing some basic routines with the common class but Pong Ni had forced her to advanced class. She hadn't had time to panic weather she can make it or not. Advanced routines were more difficult than Gabrielle had daily used to but she had at least tried all the movements before but not in that order. It was also one new step she took when she moved, again, to the higher and understood she was, indeed, skillful fighter.

After the class young Greek had taken a bath and went to the stables. She wanted to go check how Bazina was doing. She hadn't had time to talk with the stable master and she had been curious to know what was wrong with the old mare.

She missed the lunch because of the bath and the trip to the stables so she had decided to take a walk through the forest. Woods was something she missed when she lived so high; she was able to see it every day but not able to touch or smell the trees or flowers. It always calmed her when she walked through the silent beauty of green.

When she reached the little pond in which shore she loved to sit and think she noticed she was not alone anymore. Cheng, one of her longest and deepest friends in China, sat next to the water and threw little rocks to the water. She almost walked away but he looked strained so Gabrielle began to close the distance.

"Hey friend, how are you, did you hear the news?" She asked when she was close enough for Cheng to hear. Young healer winced when he heard the voice behind him. He turned quickly and realized his breath when he recognized Gabrielle.

"Hey Xiàjiàng! Depends which news you mean." Cheng closed the distance between him and Gabrielle and hugged her tightly. "If it's the one that master Mai is in India learning more about their healing culture then yes, that's old one. He left a week ago."

"T'ing Mai went to India?" Gabrielle knew her savior loved to travel but India, she hadn't ever been there and the stories she had heard were wild. "Well that is not the one I met but that is interesting as well." They walked back to the shore and sat down to the trump Cheng had been using as a chair. "What I mean is if you heard that Bazina is soon going to be a mommy." Gabrielle smiled.

"Bazina as master Ni's horse?" Cheng was surprised. "When did that happen?"

"Probably last time we visited or before that, I don't know. I heard about it today when I went to the stables and Ming Zhi told me about it. Master Ni probably knew already because I noticed something was wrong with Baz and he said it is nothing bad, actually opposite, which it is so..."

"Wow, what is he going to do with that foal?"

"I don't know. I am only guessing but I think when the foal is old enough to be ridden Baz will retire and her son or daughter will take her place as master Ni's four-legged companion."

"You think so? He loves Bazina more than anything, better yet, I don't know if he loved anything else than that horse. Could he just dumb and replace her?"

"I said it's only speculation."

"Yeah, well congratulation to Bazina. She will be one happy mother horse soon." He turned a little bit and took something from the basket he had with him. "I came here to think so I skipped the lunch. I have some rice cakes, want some?" Gabrielle gave the affirmative answer by shaking her head. "Thanks. I went to see Bazina after the class so I missed my lunch as well.

They ate their cakes in silence for a while. Although Gabrielle loved to talk and be social she had learn to love the silence moments of life as well. "Hey how are you, it's been forever since you were down here?" Last time we saw each other you completed yet another middle exam. They say you have talent." Cheng broke the silence after he was done with his lunch.

"Oh thanks. I don't see it myself but yes, they have said I am natural when it comes to martial arts. Today master Ni put me to train with the advanced class." Gabrielle said and lay back to the grass. She stared to the sky and watched when the treetop followed the wind and birds played tack with their brothers. Cheng came to lie next to her.

"Did you choose to take the sharp weapons?" He asked after another silent moment. In a normal training blunt weapon training was part of the basics, it was something everybody had to do if they wanted to study in the academy. After blunt weapon and basic knowledge studies, which usually took about four to seven years depending on your age and motivation you chose what you wanted to learn more. For example, Cheng had chosen the career of healer and dropped the weapon when it was possible. "Yes. I began working with sais few months ago." Sais were the first of the sharp weapons and as popular as sword.

"I never choose to continue to the killing weapons. I took the path of a healer but you already knew that."

"Yes. Well I know a little healing as well. As master Ni's private student he decided to teach me a little bit of everything. If I want, he teaches me more but it is completely up to me. Little bit everything as little bit more than normally on basics."

"Well, anyway, normally it takes over five years to reach the point you have reached in two years. If that is not natural talent then what is?"

"I just hope I made the right decision."

"I am sure you did. You are only twenty. You have life ahead of you. Limitless amount of possibilities."

"Talking about possibilities how are you and Dao-Ming? I talked with her yesterday and she looked pretty much in love. I also talked with Kin Yi earlier and he said we should be planning stag party. Have you taken some steps forward since my last visit?"

"I have been thinking about that but no, it is reality, at least not yet. That is what I have been thinking for days now. I want to ask but I don't know how. I am afraid she says no because she liked, you know, other kind of closeness as well, namely with your genre. I have said it is okay if she wants to, you know, ones in a while but I am afraid she doesn't want to wed me because she might think she loses, you know, - women relationships." Gabrielle rolled on her side and looked her friend from top to bottom. Cheng looked her as well. Although he had known Gabrielle only a couple of years and most of that time she had spend alone with Pong Ni he trusted and liked, loved as sister, Gabrielle very much. They both carried strong dark feelings which had, in the beginning, created a connection between the two adults.

"Hey, don't be afraid", Gabrielle said. She was happy that Cheng was going to take the last step and ask Dao-Ming to marry him. Those two, Dao-Ming and Cheng, had become her closest friends in China. Pong Ni was in his own category, he was like a second father for young Greek. "She loves you deeply and I bet she is waiting for you to ask her. I talked with her yesterday and even though it was mostly about me and my adventures I was able to read between the lines that she is very much in love with you."

"Is that enough? I don't even know how to ask, I don't want it to sound like a joke." He rose to the sitting position and looked the water surface. It was like a mirror, even the smallest wave was gone.

"I have never heard someone saying 'Will you marry me' as a joke. You will know when the time is right and romantic enough to ask. Maybe you should take a walk tonight. They say moonlight is sexy." Gabrielle rose as well.

"I don't want to give her wrong impression of me", Cheng tried to vocalize his fears. "You have known Dao for years, you literally grew up together. I think you have given her enough opportunities to get the right impression."

"I am just so full of, I don't know, some kind of energy but I can't find a way to channel it out of me. I am just, turning it into speculations and fears. I should have asked her weeks ago when I first time decided to take that step." Gabrielle looked around and noticed there were enough right-sized sticks on the ground. The pond was popular place when you wanted to be alone and do your own things. "I can't believe I am asking this but do you want to spar? You can try to channel part of that energy to me. Besides, it is always good to keep up with the basics, you can never know where and when you need your surviving skills."

"We could try but I warn you, I am not even close to your skills with _Kon_. I won't be very sparring fight for you." It was weird. Gabrielle hadn't had a training match outside the classes. Pong Ni was skilled but he never fought with her. Then the lesson she had attended at the academy had been against other student, mostly younger than her, and those few times she had met bandits while travelling to the nearest cities with Dao-Ming and T'ing Mai it hadn't been much of a fight. With Dao-Ming they had always been even but for a first time Gabrielle was the stronger and more skillful fighter. "Don't worry. This is completely for you. Imagine is as your pre stag party present. Because I don't want to drunk you I will help this way."

After they bout found themselves a right-sized staff they began the familiar circulating. Gabrielle had many opportunities to break though his friend's defense but she didn't use them because she didn't want to end their sparring so soon. She wondered if Xena had had same kind of feelings she had at the moment when they had sparred together years ago. Those few years which she had spend with the tall raven haired Greek had become like a distant memories. Only few weeks ago Gabrielle had understood that she had almost been in China longer than she had travelled with the tall warrior. She had changed a lot since those days. Now she was the lead and Cheng was the trainee.

End of part 21

Okay, there were over a month between this and the last one. My life has been like a too fast roller coaster but I hope I can find time to continue this story. Christmas is coming which means holidays which, hopefully, means more chapters :P Anyway I hope you could comment or something if you are still interested of the story. It been sitting for a while so I am not sure if you want to hear the rest…

These last chapters have been mostly talking but there is going to be some action in the following chapter. I don't know, I just like to write dialogs - plus they are easy way to show what has happened :D


	22. When we belong nowhere

**Chapter 22 – When we belong nowhere **

"I am not really going to do it", Dao-Ming said and stared at the pile of clothes her friends had retrieved for her. They were at Yuanba, a decent sized town that was a few days away from the academy. It was Dao's last week as being single so some of her friends had decided to take their friend to a party before the wedding. "Come on. This is the last night you'll be able to do whatever you want to do. After you wed Cheng you're going to have to stay home and cook his meals. Last chance!" Lui Ya, one of the seasoned healers and Dao-Ming's longest friends, yelled.

"Yeah, but I am not going to spend one of my last evenings being single dressed like a tramp", the dark haired bride tried to protest against her eager friends. "Shut up Dao. It is a custom. Now dress up so we can go party", the usually very stoic and silent healer answered. Gabrielle sat on the bed and listened her friends wrangling. She was not familiar with Chinese bachelorette party customs so she decided to be quiet and absorb every detail. To be honest, she had never been to a bachelorette party; back home she had been too young to participate.

"Hey Dao, take a sip. It helps you to dress and takes away the shame", said the fourth member of the girl group, Ying Lee. She gave their friend a goblet of strong liquid. It was from a bottle Gabrielle had seen her buying earlier that day when Lui Ya had taken Dao-Ming to shop for some new equipment. Although Yuanba was only a day's travel from the academy, they rarely left for shopping trips. "I don't know what you are thinking but I don't do one night-stands/flings with people I don't know. We have an expert of those kinds of relationships here so if you need advice ask from her", vexed bride snorted but drank anyway. Gabrielle blushed.

"We are not going to pimp you, Dao. We just want to have some fun and make you the center of attention at the tavern. I know you like it when people try to steal looks of you every time they think no-one's watching." Ying Lee said and walked to the other side of the room. She bent to take something from her back. "Hey Gabi help me to hold her while Lui dresses her. If we don't speed this thing up a little bit we will be here the day after tomorrow and she will miss her own wedding", Ying said throwing a piece of robe to their Greek friend.

"Okay okay I give up. I will go but you should also remember that I am going to plan your bachelorette parties and I will guarantee it will be even worse." Dao-Ming took the tiny pieces of clothes from the mattress and started to undress. "This is not even a top. It is too small to cover anything. I look like an idiot in these clothes", the center of the attention murmured when she realized what she was going to wear. "I think you look adorable. Those old men out there will love that top", Gabrielle laughed when she saw her friend's anguish. "Hah and I thought you are on my side", Dao-Ming snorted. "Just wait until you are in my shoes Gabi, then I will be the one laughing"

It took them only a few minutes to finish dressing. Before they left their room, Ying Lee had served Dao-Ming over half of the magic drink. Before they even reached the bar their tensed friend was drinking pretty heavily.

-.-

Hey Gabi, you get us a table while we go buy some drinks", Lui Ya said when they entered the tavern. The place was almost full but Gabrielle noticed some empty tables in the corner of the room. "Okay, you know what I like." She walked to the corner table and sat down. She laughed when she realized that no matter where they were, taverns looked always the same. Even though all the people were Chinese, not Greek, the place could have easily been located in the middle of the Roman countryside. There were some Chinese decorations on the wall, but there were so many taverns in Greece that at least one of them could have had these decorations as well.

"I don't get it", she heard some man saying at the next table. Normally she didn't listen to what some drunken middle-aged males said but the man's tone caught her attention. "They come here and act like owners of our land. For example, look at that girl over there, probably some rich girl from Rome trying to learn more about us. Bet she can't even say 'Hello' in Chinese. They should stay in their own country." Gabrielle realized he was talking about her and his companions laughed at the man's comment. She felt the anger rise from her heart, trying to surface. "True", one of them answered. "There was this man about a year ago, I don't remember his name. He was from Rome, and came here to study different cultures so he could find out where to attack next. They send their agents here to find out our defenses and make so-called alliances that they can break."

Gabrielle couldn't hold back anymore. She rose from her seat and walked the few meters to the table that the men were at. "May I join in on your conversation?" She tried to vocalize every word as perfectly as possible. "I am not that rich nor am I from Rome. I can easily say 'Hello' and a lot of other words as well. So please, before you keep going with your little chat, remember my warning; don't ever make predictions of anyone you don't know or talk behind anyone's back so close and so loud that the person will hear you. I might not look like you or your buddies but I have the same rights to live here as you have." The men stared the angry woman while their jaws just about touched the floor.

"Hey Xiàjiàng is everything okay? Have you found us some company?" Very drunk Dao-Ming asked when she tottered next to Gabrielle. "You know they look kind of old and there is an empty table back there." She pointed the one where Gabrielle had been sitting with a goblet she had bought just a moment ago. "No offense but if this my last evening as a single girl I want to spend it with decent company", she continued while Lui Ya and Ying Lee came to sand between the two tables as well. "Oh no. They were just telling me how good that stuff tastes", Gabrielle repeated quickly and pointed Ying's goblet. We better move to our own table. Good bye boys, have a good evening." Without saying another word Gabrielle turned and walked back to her seat.

"What was that all about?" Ying Lee whispered and sat next to Gabrielle. She didn't buy the story Gabrielle had come up with. "I tell you later", Gabrielle whispered back. It was time to party and forget those annoying men. "So tell me Dao, do you like to be on top or on bottom with Cheng?"

-.-

Gabrielle woke up when the sunlight licked her face though the window. She noticed she was on the floor sleeping on something soft, which turned out to be Lui Ya's back. Soft snoring was coming from the bed on her left. The room they had booked included four single beds but only one of the beds had been used for sleeping. Gabrielle and Lui Ya were a lump of body parts on the floor while Ying Lee had fallen asleep on top of Dao-Ming in her bed.

"Rise and shine everybody, rise and shine!" Gabrielle yelled from the floor. She was not feeling good herself but she knew some of them had drank even more than she had so her headache would be mild compared to other's. "I will rise but I refuse to shine", Lui Ya moaned. The rooster and the goose eggs came to Gabrielle's mind and she laughed silently. What a déjà vu feeling. "Could you please move, my back is killing me." The sound came from the same source as the first one as Lui Ya tried to push her friend away. "I am not to that kind of person", she continued her murmuring when Gabrielle moved to sit on her own bed.

"Sorry I am not completely awake yet", the blonde Greek answered and rubbed her eyes. "Hey you two, we know you like each other but I guess the right term is 'Get a room!' Lui Ya shouted and smiled when she noticed the position the women were in. "I swear it was not me!" Dao-Ming yelled and jumped up from the bed knocking Ying to the floor at the same time. Neither Lui nor Gabrielle could hold in their laughter when they watched Ying as she tried to get up from the floor. "I am the weapon master for my mother's sake Dao. You should respect me at least a little bit!" She yelled to the surprised bride. They were both holding their heads and trying to look at the dark spots of the room.

"I am so sorry I didn't notice you were there. The tone of the voice that woke me up, thank you by the way, just scared me. You would have done the same thing", Dao tried to defend herself but blushed at the same time. "You know I have some flashbacks from last night. I think I drank too much. I can't believe you were able to force me wear these clothes."

"Oh believe me Dao, you looked sexy when you were dancing", Lui commented and scooped some clean clothes for Dao to wear. "I danced? With who? I mean, I don't remember a thing. Please tell me he or she was even a little pretty or I will never leave this room."

"Well I think you are saved. You danced with Xiàjiàng and me so if you see us as decent dancing partners then you have nothing to worry about." Ying had been able to get up and change her clothes. She didn't know what it was but there was definitely a sticky substance on bosom. "Hey anyone of you up for a little jogging trip? From experience, I know it helps when you have a hangover." As a medical person Lui Ya didn't exercise so much anymore so she decided to skip the run and Dao had too bad of a hangover to even move away from the bed. So Gabrielle was the only one who volunteered to do a little round with her friend. "Yeah sure. Just give me a minute to change", she said.

-.-

"I don't understand these pre-wedding customs", Gabrielle said when they had jogged few hundred meters in silence. "What about them?" Ying asked. "Last night for example, where ever you are, pre-wedding parties always involve drinking and a hangover the next morning. Although I didn't have the party before I wed my late husband, I remember the ones they had in Potedia when I was young. I remember when my dad had participated in one, it was our neighbors wedding. He came home late that evening and throw up in the middle of the kitchen floor. Mom was not happy. Later that morning I saw the neighbors and he was not in any better shape. He said you only live once when I asked why he was so smelly."

"I don't know. I guess it is cool to drink and act like an idiot. Personally, I don't like to drink so much. My brother says it is because of my status as weapon master. I'm just not into that sort of thing." Ying answered and sprinted to the uphill. "I used to think like that but then something happened. But I am starting to think like I used to. There is also the fact that it takes me three times longer to drink one cup. That's why I am usually the most sober person in the room", Gabrielle said when she reached her friend.

"By the way, you never gave me the answer, what happened between you and those men when we arrived to the tavern. They looked disturbed when we came along. Don't say they gave you some advice because I know it is not true."

"You have sharp eyes", Gabrielle answered after a while. She didn't really want to talk about it but she knew she was not going to get away with it. "It was nothing major", she continued when Ying didn't say anything. "They saw me and thought I was some rich girl from Rome. Bet they didn't see my face. Then they said I should go back to where I came from because there is no place for me in China. They were not talking to me; they didn't even realize I understood what they were saying. I was listening to what they were saying and at one point I just couldn't hold back anymore."

"You will always have a place among us. You are better than them so don't listen. We don't care if you look a bit different than the rest of us."

"I know. It just made me think about where I belong. I think China is my home now but I won't ever forget I am from Greece. A few years ago I wanted to forget my past but now I am proud of it; without my past there wouldn't be a present or future."

"True. It seems like you have truly listened what master Ni has told you. I never cared so much about the mental classes. I know I should have because you can't be a great warrior if your soul is not strong."

They pasted the hill and saw a road. There was a merchant caravan stopped in the middle of the road. "It looks like something is wrong. We should go check on them", Ying said and sprinted before Gabrielle had a chance to say anything. "Here we go again, déjà vu for the second time this morning, must be a record!" Gabrielle thought and followed the older Chinese woman.

-.-

When they reached the caravan they noticed one of the cart's wheels were broken. There were also the signs of a battle. "They were probably attacked by some highwaymen", Ying whispered when they reached the horses. There were two men lying face down on the ground. They were bruised but not bloody. "You check the left one, I take the right", Gabrielle commanded and turned the smaller man around. She was momentarily taken back when she realized the man she was touching looked western. "Sir, are you okay?" she tried to communicate with the merchant. "This one is not responding but he is breathing", Ying said and began to study his wounds. "Same with him", Gabrielle told. "No wait, I think he is waking up", she continued almost immediately when she noticed the man was trying to open his eyes.

"Hey, don't panic", she tried to calm the wounded man. "The danger is gone, you were probably robbed but at least you are alive. I am a friend, not an enemy." He had bright blue eyes, almost as bright as the day sky. His chin was slightly swollen as well as his right eye but not too radically. "Help, help, somebody help me! They are trying to kill me!" the man screamed when his vision cleared enough to recognize he was being held by a scary-looking woman.

"Hey calm down. We aren't going to try to kill you, we found you. Your horses are here as well as your cart but I think you lost some of your valuable items."

"Please let us live", the man said weakly. His first spurt had remarkably reduced his energy. "Do you understand what he is saying?" That was the moment when Gabrielle realized the man was speaking Greek and she had used Chinese. "Calm down", she began again in Greek. She hadn't used the language in months so the beginning was a little bit shaky. "We won't hurt you. You were lying on the ground next to your broken cart when we found you. We are friends, not the enemy."

"There was a group of bandits. Couldn't do anything... Is Thereosis okay?" Gabrielle had to translate for Ying Lee who didn't speak Greek. "So they were robbed right. That wagon is useless but we have to get these people back to Yuamba. If you can stay with them I can run back to town and get help. If I go through the forest and those hills it shouldn't take long to run back. It is probably better for you to stay here because you can communicate with them."

"Okay I will stay. I will see if I can wake the other man or if the first one can tell me what happened."

Gabrielle watched her friend go before she turned her attention back to the wounded man. "She went to get help", she told to the scared man when she noticed him follow Ying with his eyes. "Let's see if I can wake up your friend. He is still unconscious but alive. You said his name is Thereosis, right?"

Man nodded. He opened his mouth and was just going to speak when Gabrielle stopped him. "Don't speak, you need your strength. I will go to see how your friend is doing. Make some noise if you need anything." He nodded again, pointed his chest and said "Niklianus". "Hello Niklianus my name is Xiàjiàng or Gabi Shi, which ever you prefer. I am right here if you need me."

Gabrielle tried to wake the other man, Thereosis, by shaking him and calling his name. It didn't work so she decided to go searching for water or anything to help wake him. She also checked the other man who had slipped back into unconsciousness. She found water and went back to Niklianus. He woke up again when she shook him a little bit. "Hey, I got some water over here. I will put it to your lips. Try to drink a little bit. In order to survive you need to drink as much as possible."

It took over almost an hour before Ying Lee came back with the local healer and Lui Ya. Both of them knew a little bit of Greek so Gabrielle was able to stand back with Ying. "You look a bit uneasy. Is everything okay?" Ying asked when they far enough so no one could hear what they were saying. "Yeah, I was just worried. I hope they will be okay."

"You know I can that isn't all of it. There is something else, isn't there?"

Gabrielle glanced back to the road where the local healer was loading his patients with Lui Ya's help into his cart. "It was first time in almost three years that I have met people from Greece. I didn't even realize that I was speaking Chinese to them at first. It just made me think about my life. It's just ironic that yesterday I was feeling like I don't belong here and today I have this feeling that I don't belong in Greece anymore either. I know I can't live up on the mountain forever but since I went there it is been the only place I feel safe. Maybe I should just say there for the rest of my life and take master Ni's place as Yonnaw's carrier. Then one day some youngsters can call me hermit. Not really, I am not a hermit. I need people around me, I am social person."

"It is just weird, that is all. I know that if my brother and I were to ever return it would feel uncomfortable. I mean we left the town when we were five and six. I haven't been there since. It is not because I am scared or anything. I have been away too long. I would be hard to face my mom who abandoned us or even my father. Still, I sometimes think that I might like being back after the shock had worn off. I know that I am don't have the courage. I am not saying you should go back but it is okay to move on to another place. You will find your home in time."

-.-

"I can't believe you had all the action while I was sleeping away my hangover. I didn't drink that much compared to you." Dao-Ming was not happy when she heard what had happened during her beauty-sleep. "You want to go baby-sitting whining idiots that called themselves Greeks? They speak so fast you can't even understand and when you do they don't say anything informative", Lui Ya answered to her friend. She loved to be a healer but between annoying patients and prejudicing elder healer she was all but relaxed. "You know all the Greeks are not whining idiots... ", Gabrielle sighed.

"I think they are whining idiots and pigs. That older man refused to eat the food I tried to give him because I couldn't tell him what it was. It is not my fault I can only speak a little bit Greek…" She was been interrupted by Gabrielle who stormed out of the room. "What did I do now?," the irritated and tired young healer asked. She didn't realize that by calling the two Greek's ugly names she had also insulted Gabrielle because of her roots. "Tired or not that was rude", Dao-Ming said before she ran after Gabrielle.

Gabrielle ran until she was too tired to continue. She knew Lui Ya didn't mean it but her own stress and poor sleep the previous night made her lose every rational thought. When she finally stopped she had no idea where she was. "I think I over-reacted", She told the tree. "It's been a while since I ran like that. Almost a year I think. I should learn to control myself", she told to no-one while she released her weapons from their holders. "Sometimes I am just too tired to be rational. I want to let go and wake up when the rage is gone. Just let go and let the world take care of its own problems for a while."

And she let go. Three hours later when Dao-Ming finally found her she sat under the tree that looked more like a well used punching bag than a mighty oak. She was panting and all sweaty but physically okay. "Were you able to let go of some steam?" Dao-Ming asked and sat down next to her blonde friend. "I am sorry, I don't know why I stormed out. We are here to celebrate and I destroyed everybody's mood. I feel so stupid. I shouldn't act like this, at least not anymore."

"It was a touchy day for all of us." Gabrielle nodded silently. She felt miserable because she still had the feeling that she had fucked up. "Okay honey since we have solved this problem it is time to go back. We have to get going early tomorrow and although I have been in bed almost all day long I recommend we all go to sleep early. Both Ling and Lui looked like they would gladly sleep for a month and the men you saved asked if you were able to go talk with them for a while. I guess they want to thank you."

-.-

Gabrielle walked silently to the healer's cabin. It was almost midnight but the Greeks had asked again if they could meet their savior before it was too late. She stepped in to the isolated room where the two patients were resting.

"Hello. How are you doing?" Gabrielle asked politely. "We will live, thanks to you and your friend." Thereosis sat up and shook Gabrielle's hand. "I am Thereosis from Thebes. It is an honor to meet you", he said unwilling to let go. "It is good to see you are both doing okay. I am sorry for your loss. There was nothing we could have done. The robbers had already left when we saw you."

"It is okay. Although we are merchants and far away from home it was only some of our property. Money means nothing when our lives are on the other side of the scale", Niklianus joined the conversation. "I must say I was more than a bit surprised when I met another Greek in the middle of the countryside of the kingdom of Chi. You are far away from home", he continued.

"My roots may be in Greece but I have lived here for years now. I am not far away from home, this is my home and these are my friends."

End of part 22


	23. Family addition

**Chapter 23 – Family addition**

"I am sure you will learn if you want to learn." Pong Ni sat on the floor in front of Gabrielle. "It is not that or that I don't want to. I know probably will learn but it feels like I am stepping on someone's toes if I continue studying this subject." Gabrielle knew she was wrong because sword was the most common weapon used in the world but every time she thought about grabbing a sword and start training with it she felt a stab in her heart. It was like her subconscious was fighting against her mind. "This is just like when I had difficulties starting to train pressure points. I am sure when I begin I can do it but the beginning is that huge step I am having difficulties to cross."

"Does it remind you too much about your past?" Pong Ni asked after a short silence. "It is completely up to you. Don't think I will look you down or anything like that is you don't want to take the last weapon. You have mastered the Sais now so you have enough skill to defend yourself even if you won't train to use sword. Actually I admire you because you are able to stand behind your decisions."

"No. I am not a coward. Long time ago, sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, I learned that It makes me a target if I pick up a sword but what is the big deal, I can beat my hunters and make them my targets. I am not a naive little blond anymore. I am 22 and more than capable to do this."

Gabrielle had worked as hard and as much as possible. If she kept the same speed with the rest of the training and if she was as skillful with the final part of the training she would become one of the most skillful young trainees Pong Ni had ever seen. She was special in many ways. First of all, normally you began your training when you are still a small boy or girl. It was uncommon to begin after you reached 15 summers. Gabrielle had been 19 and very damaged, both mentally and physically, when she had began. Normally when you are as old as she had been you won't ever become as good as the others. She had brushed all the predictions under the carpet and, only in less than four years, become one of the greatest trainees.

Gabrielle's opinion was that she had simply the best master one could ever have. She knew she had talent but under master Ni's guarding eyes even Joxer could have turned into a fearless hero, the one he had always wanted to be. She couldn't believe that she was more than just a simple farm girl from Potedia, Greece. The change that had happened just in a less than four years was magnificent; sometimes when she remembered what she had used to be she couldn't recognize herself. She had learned to be patient and, which sounded really absurd, she was now able to enjoy the moments when she sat alone and quiet. Her body language had also changed; the young scared girl was gone, replaced by self-assured adult. Her body was also changed; her skin color was darker, hair color lighter and shorter, all of her muscles were tight and all the little fat she had had was gone, thanks to the endless rounds of routines and training programs she had done during the years China, and her face looked a little bit different than it had used to thank to broken chin and nose that had been remodeled.

"I am sure you can. However, I want you to think about this over night. You have a free evening, spend it as you will", master Ni decided and walked away before Gabrielle had time to answer. "Stupid past. Always bothering me when I am not ready for it", Gabrielle murmured and kicked a rock near her feet. It flew a few meters and landed to somewhere she couldn't see. "Why am I so weak when it comes to some of these things?"

Gabrielle canalled the frustration in a way she had learn to do it easily, exhausting her body till she was too tired to even get up from the grassy floor. "One of these days I am going to kill myself", she murmured to herself when she rose from the ground. She headed to the pound to clean herself before she dared to go in. Cleanliness was a thing master Ni loved and kept a strict watch; no dirty clothes were allowed to be wear inside and you needed to clean your feet every night if you wanted to come inside. Shoes were not allowed to cross the threshold of the front door and if you left footprints to the wooden floor you were in trouble.

Before going in Gabrielle decided to go meet the horses. Next to Bazina stood a new member of their unusual family; three months old black stallion Zhancibah. Gabrielle went to smooth the colt's muzzle while she slowly talked to the beautiful young colt. She remembered well the day when Zhancibah was born. It had been only few days after Cheng and Dao-Ming's wedding.

-.-

"Hey Gabi Shi is everything okay?" Ying Lee asked when she sat to the table next to Gabrielle. It was early morning but the dining room was still full of people eating their breakfasts. "Yeah, it is so quiet when Dao-Ming and Cheng is gone. It is kind of weird to be here and know they are not", Gabrielle answered and filled her mouth with food. "I am just pleased", Ying answered and munched her breakfast. "You might not notice it because you like to exercise your mouth as well but she is constantly talking. Don't understand me wrong I love both of them but I love the silence as well. Besides, their honeymoon is only three weeks. I bet even you can wait that long."

"I think so even thought I am not sure if I am here when they return. Master Ni has been impatient lately. I can see he wants to go back to the mountain. This has been the longest time he has stayed down here in years."

"Oh yes, but it's all about Bazina, right? By the way I forgot to ask; how is she. I visited my horse yesterday and she looked quite ready to get the little one out of there."

"Ming Zi said she is close to giving the birth. I am going to visit her after breakfast. Would you like to come with me?" Gabrielle asked and poked the bundle on her plate using her chopstick. "Do you want my Zongzi, I took one too many."

Ying, who had at least as good appetite as Gabrielle had, accepted the bundle with joy. "Sure, just drop it to my plate", she answered and closed her eyes for a second. "I think my schedule is full today, I have classes all day long. Give her a carrot from me, okay?" She said when she thought about her daily timetable. "Shame. Well I let you do your job while I play absent. If I am fast, I have time to have a little walk on the garden before the days interesting lessons." Gabrielle collected her plates while getting up from the table. "Hey don't show me that face", she continued when she saw her friend's stunned face. "I am the cure and innocent one. I don't really skip classes because master Ni has already taught me those things. I am just way head of my schedule." She smirked and walked out of the room dropping her plate and cutlery to the container next to the front door of the dining hall.

Gabrielle walked the short path to the stables in silence. She felt the sunlight care her face with its tender fingers while she thought about the colt that was about to birth in any time soon. Master Ni had dropped quite a bomb when he had told her that the unborn colt was going to be a gift from Pong Ni to Gabrielle as a token of those two and half years she had spend with the old Chinese. She had never even thought about owning a horse after her loyal pony had died oh so many years ago. "Everything chances", Gabrielle whispered to the thin air. "Who would have known six years ago that I, farm girl from Potedia, would ever experience this much. I have travelled thought Greece and China, almost died many times, lost many but gain even more friends and learned so much. I would not be able to return be a farmer even though I wanted."

She was still wondering about her life when she entered the stables. Many of the horses were absent, people enjoyed the warm day by doing riding trips though the hills and forests alone or with their friends and companions. Ming Zi was currently doing her round feeding all her residents. She was middle-aged woman, directly from the royal family of Ming. She had been young woman when she had decided to leave the palace and luxury and in the end dedicate her life for those that had lost everything. Her love for animals had leaded her though the country and she had seen the part of life she didn't know existed. She had been surprised to find out what was happening just outside her uncle's walls and became angry. Since those days she never contacted her family and ended up been the stable master of the academy of Ni.

"Morning Xiàjiàng. It's pleasant to see you", stable master smiled when she noticed Gabrielle. "Bazina is very close. Last night I had a feeling that the baby was coming so I stayed with her all night long. She had all the signs so I think if not today or tomorrow night then tomorrow. All in all it's all about hours now."

"Does master Ni know?" Gabrielle kept her voice and face calm but behind the mask she forced to her face she was exhilarating. "I sent him a message. I need to finish the round but I will come to see our soon to be mother when I am done. You may go to stay with her if you like. Till we meet again!" Ming Zi was gone before Gabrielle realized.

"Hello girl, how are you today?" Gabrielle asked when she entered the mare's stall. The horse answered by licking Gabrielle's hand which was, unfortunately, empty. "I will get you something but not immediately."

Master Ni arrived just moments before Ming Zi came back from her round. "Ahh hello master Ni, nice to see you. I have asked few trusted persons here to help us with the birth. Like I wrote to you it should happen in any minute now." Mater Ni answered by patting his loyal friend's shoulder. Although he was old and respected he was not comfortable with other people. Gabrielle was exception, he didn't know why he liked and tolerated the young Greek. She liked to talk, it didn't matter if he was answering or not, and wonder about the mysteries of life. He had taught the girl to meditate so she was able to channel part of her wondering without talking aloud. He was capable of teaching other but never did more than that. That's why Gabrielle was special; she was first person in decades that lived with the old man.

In the end Gabrielle and Master Ni ended up staying in the stables almost the whole day. Ming Zi checked Bazina every hour. It was diner time when master Ni shooed Gabrielle to eat something. Gabrielle tried to take him with her but he refused and asked her to bring him something with her when she returned.

Dining room was full when Gabrielle entered. She went to the line and waited nicely her share even though in her mind she screamed for everybody to go away. When she finally got her share she sat down to the table of women she knew and started to eat. The conversation was about the garden outside the academy. It was the time of the year that some flowers were going to open and share their lovely colors with world. She listened the conversation and even commented few times but her thoughts and mind was concentrating on the stables. She had never seen that kind of deliver before and she loved the mom and the soon-to-be-born colt with her heart.

When she was done with her dinner, she had skipped the lunch so she was truly hungry, she took another bowl of food for master Ni and rushed back to the stables. She didn't completely understand why she was in such a hurry, it was like a vein pulsing inside her head commanding her to move faster and faster.

It was just like Gabrielle had thought. When she entered the stables, she knew the birth had begun. Ming Zi was in the stall with master Ni. He was stroking his horses muzzle while Ming Zi was helping sitting horse to push. What Gabrielle had heard from her mother when she was young horses normally did it alone and during night but apparently even that was different in China. "I can see the head!" Zi's voice echoed though the large room. Gabrielle jumped over the fence inside the stall. "Can I help you somehow?" Gabrielle saw a piece of black pelt under Ming Zi's hands. "Come here Xiàjiàng, you can help by pulling your little one out of there", woman answered and made room for Gabrielle.

With Gabrielle's help little black colt was lying on the ground. Both women stood back a little bit when Bazina rose from the floor and started to clean her little one. Gabrielle studied the colt that was, in the future, going to be her mount and friend. Although she didn't like horses because they were so tall it was the last thing she was thinking when she watched her handsome black stallion rolling in the hays.

Pong Ni came to stand next to Gabrielle. "Do you have a name for him?" he asked. "Yes I have. I am going to call him Zhancibah. I don't remember where I read that name but I like the sound of it." She smiled when she saw Zhancibah trying to stand first time with her long legs. "Then Zhancibah it is." Pong Ni answered, patted Gabrielle's shoulder and walked outside to get some fresh air.

-.-

When Zhancibah had had enough strength they had returned to the mountain hut. Cheng and Dao-Ming hadn't returned when they left so Gabrielle had left them a message for them to find when they returned. Bird had come a week after returning to the hut describing all about their honeymoon. Gabrielle sent back a brief note about Zhancibah. After that the life had returned to its normal rails, she studied and learned new every day.

"You're special Zhanci. You're the first horse that is completely mine. I am beginning to understand Xena's devotion for Argo. Although you are going to be way too tall for my taste I will love you anyway. Besides, living up here has already eased my fear of heights. Think about it, what you a person that fears heights do up here? I guess that person would either lose the fear or die." Gabrielle silently rubbed her horse for a while. "When I look at you I start to think about home again. You remind me a little bit of Argo. She is Xena's horse, little bit bigger than your mama. When we first met I thought she hated me but she was okay when I learned to know her. I don't know if she is still alive, Xena never told me how old Argo is. Probably she is, because I miss even her. Funny isn't it, this homesickness."

Young horse rubbed his muzzle more firmly to Gabrielle's hand. "Yeah I know, I am just not sure anymore. I want to go back but I am just afraid I can't. I don't want to die, I am not ready to take that chance, not now that I have something to life for. I have a life here now and I am happy but I think that I will return at least ones back to Greece. I am not sure if I stay, probably I won't but I want to visit. I don't have anything in there anymore."

After playing with her horse yet another few minutes she said good night for the horses and navigated her way back to the house. The sky was already dark but the stars were shining up in there with the full moon. She studied the map of stars again, she knew the stars were the same but their order was different compared to the map she had used to study back in Greece. "When you live in a place like this you learn to appreciate the beauty of the flora and fauna. Not that I didn't respected it before but now when listening Pong Ni's teachings I truly understand", she whispered to the dark blue sky and went in.

Pong Ni was already sitting next to the table and eating his dinner. Gabrielle silently took her bowl and sat opposite her teacher and began to eat her evening meal. It was common in their table to eat in silence, yet another thing Gabrielle had had to get used to although it hadn't been so hard after her monologs when eating with Xena.

"They were doing okay, both Zhanci and Bazina. Zhancibah is growing bigger and bigger every day. I am afraid he will be very tall when he reaches adulthood", Gabrielle tried to break the silence using simple sentences. Although she was used to it she tried to form a conversation in a dinner table ones in a while. "They grow fast when they are young." Master Ni's answer was short like always when he was focused to something else. "When do you think I can try to mount him?" Gabrielle asked although she knew the answer. "In a year but that is a minimum. Normally it is two year before you can mount a horse but I think in Zhancibah's case you can do it a bit earlier. You can help him get used to saddle before that if you want. Just remember he is growing and his strength is not on a same level with an adult stallion."

"I thought about it during my bath. I want to learn the last weapon, I am not giving up. I learned the pressure points, I can learn sword as well. I want to start tomorrow. It time I learn how to use the most common weapon on the known world. I am not a chicken anymore. I am able to kill if I need to."

End of part 23

A bit shorter but I hope you like it. The next chapter will be the one many has been waiting for which is the "turning point" of the story. Please give me some feedback if you have liked the story so far :)


	24. Roots of the lost one

**Chapter 24 – Roots of the lost one**

My mind is so confused that I decided to begin this journal in order to clear my thoughts and understand my heart. I have many names but in the last few years Xiàjiàng or Gabi Chi has been the most common one. Originally I was called Gabrielle but I lost that name when I sink to the darkness of my heart. The darkness is gone now but people here in China can't enunciate it right so the name my mother gave me over 23 years ago is no longer my primary name.

I used to be a bard but haven't had the urge to write in ages. Actually I don't even remember when I last time picked up a scroll and an inkbottle. Today I had the feeling again. I can't describe that feeling, I used to have it all the time when I was younger. Urge to write is the best description I can think of. I guess after I forced myself to think only the revenge I lost the soft part of me. When I re-found it again I wanted to change. Now when I think it I realized that I missed Greece so much that writing, which was one of my dearest hobbies, remind me just too much.

I call this a beginning of my new journal. It's new because I changed the language. I think that by now I speak and write Chinese better than Greece. It's a shame because I am beginning to understand how much I really want to go back Greece. I am 23 now, my birthday was about a month ago. It's been over five years since I left the country where I was born in a ship that sailed weeks to here. Five years ago I began my training with master Ni.

What could I write about master Ni? I have so much to say. He saved my life both physically and emotionally. He taught me how to survive in life, took away the darkness and lighted my inner core again. I could write about Pong Ni for ages although for me he is not same kind of idol that Xena was. He is like a second father to me. I have a feeling that I have known him forever even though I met him first time about five years ago.

So, how about me? Everybody says I am a warrior now. I was the first non-Chinese who completed the training and in centuries the quickest one doing it as well. I don't want to praise myself because I am not that good. I guess I just decided to put my heart on my training and focus. Seriously, the fighting part of my training was not even the best part of it. I have learned so much more of life as well. The best part of it is that whatever I do, there is always something new to learn.

Pong Ni is not only a master of martial arts but also a great mystic and philosopher. He taught me how to protect my mind and how to use it as a weapon. He also discovered a rare kind of bond between me and Xena. I am not proud that I tried to destroy that bound and I don't know how many times I have been thinking about removing the shield I created but I can't. Years ago I learned that you can't hate if you don't love first which means you can only hate those who you loved ones. What I did was unforgivable. I know, especially when I know her past, that she won't stop hating me nor she will ever forgive me and that's why I haven't broken the shield. She will know if I do it. It may kick her even more than when master Ni poked the bound. I know she will discover me and without that shield she can track me down faster than I can hide. I know that even though I am master of martial arts, some says equal to master Ni, I will lose the fight against her. She is the legend even here in Chin. I will always regret that I didn't tell her my feeling but I also know that it just hurts me if I think about it and created 'what if I had done so and so' scenarios.

I said this is a journal so I need to write something that happened few weeks ago. It made me think about my morals ones again. I visited one of the big cities on the south coast. Dao-Ming needed to go buy something for Cheng and the baby she is carrying. Cheng wanted her to stay till the baby is born but she was stubborn. He gave her the permission when I promised to go with her and be the bodyguard. The trip was eventless until we met a bunch of bandits. Dao-Ming had promised to Cheng that she won't do anything that might harm the baby so I ended up against seven bandits. I have always been wondering that wherever you are there are always bandits trying to rob travelers.

It was not very special fight, seven against one but they were not professional. First five were easy, I didn't even sweat but when the fifth fell to the ground I saw that the seventh had decided to target Dao-Ming. She is good fighter but in her condition there was nothing she could have done. I was too far away so the only weapon I had that could reach him was my sais. I hate to kill people, it always makes me feel sick even though I knew it was either him or Dao-Ming. In the end I killed two of them.

In these last few years I have killed many people. It's always been one there and the other here. I can steel myself during the fight but I always feel sick when the fight is over and I have time to think that I have ones again taken someone's life. It doesn't hurt like it hurt when I killed first time but still I do feel it. I have always seen it as a weakness but master Ni it's only a reminder of my heart. To quote his words, my heart has been buried in darkness but it always kept its pureness and humanity. One of the reasons I never became a person like Calisto.

Anyway, when we returned to the academy I didn't have to think that so much because Dao-Ming's baby decided to born. She is beautiful, the baby I mean. They named her Gabi Shi after me. Who knows, maybe in a decade or two there is a family of Gabi ruling some part of this country, I doubt especially when the baby is Dao-Ming and Cheng's. They are one of the kindest people I know. At least when they are not drunk or if Dao is not trying to show us how is the boss.

All in all, life goes on around me and sometimes I have a feeling that I am frozen and just watching world changing around me. I wish I could find same kind of happiness that Cheng and Dao have found but I think it is not possible. Master Ni said that you share your heart with your soulmate and after you have met the one who shares your soul you can't fall in love with anyone else.

At the moment I am back on the mountain. I am on my rock again looking down to the valley. When I look down to the valley it reminds me of every time I have sat here and meditated. I used to have a fear of heights but that has vanished during the years up here. When I sat here first time all those years ago I just thought that I would certainly die if I fell down. Now I think about the beauty of this place. I have learned to climb up and down the cliffs like they would be ordinary roads. So much has changed.

When I came here I was, safe to say, very naïve but full of anger. I think, during these years, I have grown emotionally more than in any other area. When I had my "graduation", in a need of better term, few days ago it was so weird. I never thought that one day I would be the grand master of Chinese martial arts. Normally it takes decades of training starting from the early ages to reach that level. During that graduation I understood that it is not just about the fighting skills, if I was, then hundreds of fighters would be grand masters, but emotional skills as well. In order to become a grand master you need to have your life completely on balance.

After the graduation I have been thinking a lot about my life. I actually spend a day just riding nowhere with Zhanci. I have this problem which I haven't talked with anyone but I think master Ni known my mind is on turmoil. I love everyone here but I have started to miss the previous life in Greece more and more every day. The fact is I will probably die as soon as I face her which would mean everything I have done during these almost six years in here would have been waste of time but still I can't force myself to give up on those thoughts. It's like constant 'what if…' inside my mind. What if she doesn't hate me that much anymore, what if she doesn't remember me anymore, what if she doesn't even recognize me, which is possible, anymore and so on. I also want to see my family again. When I saw my sister last time she was 16 and just discovering the different aspects of life. Today she is over 20. I want to know if she has found herself a partner yet or how my parent are doing, I don't know if they are even alive anymore.

During this blizzard in my mind Zhancibah has been my rock. He is as tall as grown horse, huge if you had asked me years ago. He is hansom as well, black as darkest night but as gentle as wind on a sunny summer day. He understands every command I have taught him and follows them perfectly. He is fast and strong when needed but when I have for example an apple he shows his soft side. It like the relationship Xena had with Argo, I never truly understood it before I got Zhanci.

Back to dilemma, I don't know how to bring it on the table. I don't want people to think that I came here, took the training and left when I was ready. I know Pong Ni will eventually understand but how about everybody else. I would need another scroll if I wanted to write everybody's name on this. I have seen the youngest ones growing up to be the future this country needs, I have seen love so deep I would say it is not even true and met people from different places living under the same roof like sisters and brothers. Women are equal to men and men are equal to women. I can't make myself to say goodbye because I might maybe never come back. It's not easy when you have grown your roots to two different places.

-.-

Gabrielle sat on the cliff long time after writing the last line on her scroll staring the last words. She wanted to find the best solution but her heart couldn't help her. Without permission from either Pong Ni or her heart she had no idea where to go or what to do. She knew she needed the talk with Pong Ni but she was afraid what the old master would say. Five years was long time for her to life in a one place after traveling years thought the countryside from Greece to Rome. Five years was also a long to be away from the place her heart so deeply loved ones again.

Gabrielle walked inside when her stomach decided to remind her of its existence. Something she had never lost during her years in China was her healthy appetite. Pong Ni was nowhere to being seen so Gabrielle decided to begin the dinner preparations herself. Normally it was master Ni who wanted to cook but during the years Gabrielle had lived whit him he had used to let Gabrielle make the dining ones in a while. Rice was easy to cook and with it you were always able to do a sauce that tasted good.

Pong Ni came up from the basement when Gabrielle was just about to go and search for him. He was carrying several weapons with him, such as his first pair of Sais he had received when he was just a boy and his legendary sword he no longer used but kept close every day.

"Oh good I was just about to come and call you to the table. Dinner is ready." Gabrielle put the bowls to the table and sat down on her place. "Why did you bring all that stuff up here?" Pong Ni looked down to his arms before dropping his cargo to the small table next to the fireplace. "I was cleaning them. It took a little longer than usually, they brought back memories." He sat opposite his young friend and dropped a portion of food to his plate. "Hopefully good ones. I have also been thinking a lot today. I started to write again", Gabrielle told her friend what she had done. "It depends what is a good memory my friend but yes, they were all precisions memories."

The table conversation dropped back to the usual silence when Gabrielle didn't answer anything.

She wondered if now was the good time to drop the question she had been thinking earlier. It just felt so unfair for her father-like companion to drop the returning bomb. She didn't want to make her friend sad but at the same time she was feeling guilty for not talking about it. "Gabrielle", Pong Ni broke the silence using Gabrielle's real name. It was first time in years she heard the name aloud. Gabrielle didn't say anything but raised her head and looked master Ni right to his eyes.

"I have noticed that lately you have been solitary. Of course I can't be sure why that is but I have my guesses. Do you want to talk about it?"

Gabrielle was not sure what to say. It was the moment she had been afraid of. Pong Ni asked directly and she didn't want to lie. "Oh right", Gabrielle said mostly for herself. "Please don't be angry or think that I just used you", she continued and pushed her bowl a little to the center of the table. "Since my graduation I have been… wondering. It's been like... ", she was not sure how to drop the news. "I think the best way it to say directly my young friend", Pong Ni guided her and Gabrielle had again the feeling that the old man was able to read her thoughts.

"For the first time during the years I have been here I miss home too much to be able to function properly. I miss Greece so much and now when I have finished the training I don't know what to do. Please forgive me", Gabrielle felt the hot tiers hitting her cheeks when she revealed her deepest thoughts to her master and father like man.

Pong N understood immediately what was going though his young friends head and moved so he could take Gabrielle to a friendly embrace. "Don't be afraid my child", he whispered. "You don't have to sorry about anything. I said I had my guesses and I have to admit I knew this might be the thing that eats you heart. You have finally left the hate behind you and opened your eyes. When the hate is gone you see the feeling you have hidden under it. You feel the link you have shield, although it is shield, it pulls you back to the other end of that link. I knew this day would come and even though I love you like a daughter and I would love to have you here with me I know it is your time to go."

They sat together long time in silence. Gabrielle knew she had the answer now and Pong Ni knew his job was done. When he had taken Gabrielle under his wing over five years ago he had known that Gabrielle would return to her true home country, he hadn't known when but he knew that she would do so.

-.-

The morning was like any other morning. Gabrielle woke up in her little bed downstairs like she had done thousands of times before. She washed her face and dressed to a simple white shirt and brown trousers. She added her customary weapons to their correct places and headed upstairs to meet her master. Although everything seemed like normal, everything had changed last night.

She found Pong Ni sitting next to the fireplace staring to the flames. It was cold morning but the fire warmed the entire hut nicely. "Morning", Gabrielle murmured when she stepped to the room. "Morning young one", Pong Ni used his utterance.

Gabrielle walked to the kitchen area and filled her cup with boiling water and mixed some herbs into it making a nice hot tea. She didn't notice that Pong Ni had stood up and followed her to the kitchen. "I need to talk with you about one thing", he said making Gabrielle to jump at least three feet. "I didn't met to scares you", he added when noticed Gabrielle's reaction. "It is weird. I can sense every person that tries to sneak behind me expect you", she said when her heartbeat steadied again. "I have that kind of influence", Pong Ni tried to joke.

When Gabrielle didn't answer Pong Ni began to speak slowly. "You know I am getting older and older every year. I won't be long before it is my time to go. The spirits of the world have given me a long life and an opportunity to meet such a lovely person that you are. There is only one responsibility for me to fulfill before I am ready to go." He was quiet for a while and noticed Gabrielle horrified stare. "Don't understand me wrong my child. I am not going to die tomorrow, I just need to order everything while you are still here." He took a deep breath. Although he had all the experience of live he was scared, for the first time in years. Yonnaw had been his responsibility and company for years, he was the master of the named sword, master of the sword that chose its master and tolerated its carriers.

"My last responsibility is Yonnaw. You know its story and you know what it is capable of doing. I am the master but it's time to let go. I want you to be the next carrier and try the sword to the hands of heroes as long as you can find the next master of the sword or when you are too old to continue and you chose a new carrier to continue your work."

Gabrielle couldn't understand what master Ni had just said. Of course she knew the story of the four named swords and she had fainted when Pong Ni had first time showed her the sword but she had never thought that one day she would carry the name of the carrier. Yonnaw was one of four named swords. They had their own will and they chose their masters. You were never able to truly command the sword if you weren't its master. Pong Ni was the master of the sword and usually it took decades to find the next one. The time between two masters was filled with carriers whose job was to seek for the next master by letting heroes of all kind to touch the sword so that if the sword found what it looked for and chose it's new master.

The master of the sword had great responsibility but also a great power. It was said that the sword listened the master's and sometimes carrier's wills. No-one could steal or even grab the hilt of the sword without the master's or carrier's will. The master was also capable of killing anything he or she wanted with the sword but also command it not to kill if that was the will.

"Are you sure?" Gabrielle asked. The responsibility of the sword would be great but she was not sure if she was the right person to fill such an honorable destiny as a carrier. "You are the purest person I have ever met Gabrielle. Before you say anything, I know that the darkness has been living inside you for years and you may thing you have lost your pureness but real glow lived under there. It's rare to survive that kind of darkness and push it away. When you did that you cleaned your soul ones again and made it perfect for Yonnaw."

Gabrielle closed her eyes and thought about thing that had been said. She couldn't believe what was happening. "I am not a warrior. I am not honorable enough to carry it", she told to the former master of the sword. "You know I disagree with that statement but even though you wouldn't be a warrior or hero you could carry the sword. Heroes are recognized in here." He touched Gabrielle's cheat above her heart, "not here." He pressed two of his long fingers to Gabrielle's forehead. "You need this", he tapped Gabrielle's forehead again, "when you are hero but without the right kind of heart Yonnaw won't recognize you."

Gabrielle sat down and noticed the sword on the floor next to the fireplace. "You have already made your mind, haven't you", Gabrielle said and followed the beautiful curves of the sword's scabbard. "Yes I have and as much as it scares to let it go I know you will honor it." He walked to the living area and picked up the sword. "It knows that it is time for me to let it go. All you need to do is to grab the hilt and it recognizes you as the new carrier."

"What does it feel like?" Gabrielle wanted to know. "To be recognized as a new carrier? I don't know. Chihaua, who was the carrier before he found me and sealed my destiny, said that you feel the warmth on your hand when you become a carrier but you feel the warmth in every single part of your body when you become a master. That is the difference when you first time touch it. After that I don't know what carrier feels." Gabrielle was not yet fully satisfied. "Is it visible? Can you see it when it happens?"

"No, I can't see it but I can feel it. I don't know how but I will soon find out." He pulled the sword out and the sunlight touched its beautifully carved blade. There wasn't even a smallest nick or impurity on the shiny blade. "But I have touched it before. Many times actually. I never felt any warm feelings or anything like that", Gabrielle realized. "That is because I was still the master. it also needs my willingness to let go in order to pass it further." Pong Ni sighed and smiled to his young follower. "I am a bit nervous", Gabrielle admitted. "You should be. It is normal and shows you are only human", Pong Ni whispered. He closed his eyes for the last time, grabbed the blade carefully and offered the hilt for the sword's new carrier.

Slowly Gabrielle grabbed the hilt and felt the warmth from the hilt pulsing though her body closing her destiny.

End of part 24

All the mistakes are mine. Please tell me what you think about the story at this point. I am thrilled to hear if you like or don't like it so far.


	25. Stronger than you

**Chapter 25 – Stronger than you**

The warmness that filled Gabrielle was unique. When she grabbed the hilt she knew if she was ever able to make peace with Xena she would test the warrior if she was the person the sword wanted as a new master. She never ever thought that she could be more than just a carrier. The warmness began from her hand but quickly filled her body completely. When Pong Ni made a sound that sounded more like a scared mouse than human she realized that something was wrong.

Pong Ni looked like he had seen a ghost: his face, which was not very tanned compared to the amount of time he spent outside, had lost the last shade of color and his eyes were like two huge plates. Not only had the sword accepted her as a new carrier but it accepted her as a new master. Never in the known history had any of the four named swords went directly from one master to another.

"What happened, did I do something wrong?" Gabrielle asked from her mentor when she saw his face. She had never seen the old man like this before. "How do you feel?" was the only answer master Ni was able to say. When the old man had shocked Gabrielle had forgotten the weapon she had and rushed to her friend's aid. "You were right it was warm although I felt the warmness also in my legs and torso. Is that…" Suddenly she realized what had happened and noticed the other symptoms.

It was she and the sword was one. The weight, length and balance were perfect for her and it was not like handling a normal weapon. It was like part of her, the missing part she had never realized that was missing. "I am not the carrier, am I", she said aloud when she realized what had happened. "No you are not", pong Ni answered although it wasn't necessarily. "This has never happened before. I felt it too, you are the new master. A powerful master, I think, because never before has the sword chosen a new master when the last one is still alive. Not even if the old one wants to let go of it."

"What happens now? I mean my destiny is not to look for the next master but to be the next one. How is it even possible? I am not a warrior." Gabrielle felt herself like a little child again. She had no idea how what would happen next and how the world would react. Her first idea was to not tell anyone but she knew that wouldn't work. Even though only few of people at the academy had seen the sword, everybody would recognize it and the questions would be asked immediately.

"My dear child. Although you don't see yourself as a warrior of fighter you have all the skills and even more to be one. Besides, Yonnaw doesn't look for a warrior. It wants a person with pure heart that is possible to change history though his or hers actions. Your heart is pure, you might think it is not because of the reasons we had to work so hard five years ago but you cleared it by yourself. The sword can see though you and it knows. One day you will become a great hero or mentor and if you play your cards right, people will remember you for decades. It is up to you which kind of path you choose now."

"It's just weird. I have never seen myself as a master of the legendary weapon. I know I have the basic knowledge but still I am amazed. I thought Xena would be the next master. She is a lot better fighter than I am."

"Yes but does the skills make you the best fighter? The answer is no and you should know that my child. You need the heart in order to become a hero. You might not even see how big and forgiving your heart is. I think you underestimate yourself. Believe in yourself like I and Yonnaw does. You the master now. Now is not the right time to question about that. You just need to accept."

"I do accept it but it is so amazing. I was not prepared. I don't even know what to do now."

"Let me help you a little bit. Close your eyes and whisper "Ha'ar". The sword will tell you everything you need to know."

Pong Ni watched closely when Gabrielle closed her eyes and whispered the ancient word. The language had lost centuries ago. The people that had made each and every one of the four named swords had used the language and the sword still used it. At the moment Yonnaw would teach her to understand it and teach her the command she needed to control the sword. The same had happened to the old master over forty years ago when he had become the master. He knew how magnificent the feeling was so it was funny to watch Gabrielle's face when her expression changed every ones in a while.

Gabrielle felt the change when she whispered the odd word her mentor asked her to whisper. It was like a blanket of energy and it covered her entire body. When she opened her eyes she was not longer sitting at the hut facing master Ni but at some sort of smoke. Although she had no idea where she was she was not scared. The energy around her made her feel save and loved.

It took her s while to noticed the whispering that came from nowhere. She focused to listen but the words made no sense at all. Suddenly the smoked started to ripple and it formed like a window that filled with colors and smells. She didn't know who said the words or where but her mind filled with the story played in front of her. The words that seconds ago didn't have any meaning started to make sense and the history of the four name sword; Yonnaw, Malcom, Gelmef and Picay, made its way deep into her awareness.

After that it was like the sword itself spoke to her. She was taught the possibilities the sword was capable of and what a great responsibility it was to carry the sword. Although it was impossible to steal the sword without her will, in wrong hands the sword was able to make great damage. When she wanted to kill the blade cut even the strongest metal like a butter but when she was not willing to spill blood it would never cut though the skin.

She also learned that there were words like Ha'ar that made the sword do certain actions. The amount of information she obtained was so huge it would normally take days to fully understand. However, Yonnaw helped her to process all the new knowledge she had and even though for Gabrielle it felt like hours in reality it only took few minutes.

-.-

Xena sat on the rock and watched the ocean. About six years ago she had been sitting on the same rock trying to keep her mind on check listening Gabrielle's endless babbling about the beauty of flora and fauna. That day she had just wished to continue they journey and Gabrielle to stop that nonsense talking about the nature. Today she wished that she could travel back in time to that day and listen to the talk of the bard for eternity.

Back on those days everything had been good. Their life had been normal: travelling, seeing new things, fighting for greater good and so on. It was like those two and half years she had spent with the young girl from Potedia had been a little forever compared to those six she had spent without her.

Xena didn't want to visit the cliff she had last time seen the real little bard so she had decided to honor her memory at the place they had both still been happy. The guilt never abandoned her soul but she had learned to live with it. First years had been difficult. After her trip to Athens she had kept travelling and saving people although it didn't feel so good anymore. Only reason she did it was because she wanted to honor her friend's memory. Always it didn't work and she ended up back home again and again so often that her mother was not sure if Xena was more on the road or at home. It didn't matter; Cyrene loved to have her little girl with her and she worked hard when she was there.

Without Gabrielle guiding her though the difficult decisions it was even harder to stay on the right path and not to fall back to the darkness. Ares was constantly biting her neck and trying to get her back on his side. Even though she had abandoned the god of war over eight years ago he was not ready to give up. She got her power from her heart when she thought about Gabrielle and the light she had carried with her. When it was too difficult to make decisions alone she would often sit down and ask her heart what to do. It usually knew the right answer.

Xena watched the image of her face on the calm surface of the water. She had passed her thirties few years ago but she still looked like she had used to a decade ago. The curse or blessing Ares had given her when she had been crying after Gabrielle made her look young and healthy till the day she died. For years she hadn't believed Ares had actually casted the spell but when the years had passed by she had realized the truth. She hated Ares even more every day because every time she saw her own reflection she remembered why she was not aging anymore nor was she able to age and retire. She had many times asked from the god of war why he had done it. She hadn't gotten any answers and she deep inside she knew she probably wouldn't ever know. Maybe Ares had just been so happy when Gabrielle had died and wanted to Xena be young and effective for years. He had probably thought without Gabrielle she would fall quicker than a rock.

The only good thing Ares had given her was Argo. The horse might have already died because of old age without Ares' influence. For years the mare had been her only companion and the trusted friend. She smiled every time she remembered that if not killed, Argo would stay by her side till the end of her mortal time on the land of living.

The way people saw her and acted when she was near had also changed back to the way it was before she had killed her beloved friend. She had delegated her life for greater good and little by little people had forgiven the biggest mistake she had ever done. Young men and women who were now been inspired by her doings didn't even recognized the name of Gabrielle anymore. There was just Xena and stories of her heroism. Time had moved on and she had made a few new friends but never again let her anybody as close as Gabrielle had been. Her mother tried to make her meet someone and have a family of her own but she was never interested. After her adventures with men during her warlord days she hadn't really been interested about the other sex. The family she had wanted had died over five years ago. Life had moved on but Xena had never truly got over it.

-.-

Zhancibah's steady rhythm let Gabrielle sink to her thoughts. Packing her belongings had taken few days but most of that time she had done anything but packing. Saying at least temporary farewell the place she had called home was never easy. Now she was riding with Pong Ni down to the academy where she had promised to stay for a few days before beginning her journey to the country where she was born. She knew her friends would be sorrowful when they would hear about her leaving. No matter what you did you can't always please everyone and this time she had decided to please herself.

Events of the last few days were still closely on her mind. While riding down the hills her eyes returned to the sword packed to her saddleback over and over again. When she had came back from the spiritual journey Yonnaw had sent her Pong Ni had explained the rest she had to know about her new companion. That was how she saw the sword. It was not just a piece of metal but a companion with a mind of her own.

She had decided to leave most of her training weapons behind. She only took her favorite pair of Sais which she still saw as her primary weapon even though her skills with sword were top-notch. She also carried a few daggers which were mostly her birthday presents. She had had no idea why so many people had decided she wanted a dagger when she reached 22 summers. Later she found out it was a tradition to give a weapon for a person when they reached that age.

Travelling back to Greece would take time, she knew that already. First it would take weeks on road before she would reach any major cities and probably months before arriving to Greece. Because she took Zhancibah with her she had to use roads instead of boat. Her seasickness was also one reason why she didn't want to use a ship.

"We will soon reach the academy." Pong Ni's voice pulled her back to the road. "I hope you realize they will pull you party. Everybody loves you", he continued. "I am not that special", Gabrielle tried to convince her mentor. "I am just a girl from Greece who was accidently pulled in the middle of the Chinese martial arts academy. Chinese is not even my native tongue. I can't believe how I survived those months when the only thing I was able to say in Chinese was 'Hello'."

"Ahh. We shall not go back to those ideas. We both know you have been adopted to your community. Whether you wanted or not, you are part of our family so don't question that anymore. What you should think is how to say goodbye. I know it won't be easy and especially Ying Lee will miss you. In these last few years you two have become close friends. Also don't forget Cheng, Dao-Ming and little Gabi Shi. The toddler will miss her aunt very much."

"And I will miss my little cutie. She is growing so fast. One day she will be very beautiful young lady."

"Tell that to Dao-Ming and she will lock the little to some cellar so she will never lose her virginity." Gabrielle was not sure if she had heard right what master Ni had said. Normally so stoic and dignified person as he was, he never joked or made fun of anything. "Excuse me master Ni are you joking? I have never heard you saying anything even close to that kind of stuff." She heard a tiny laugh emitting from her mentor. "Yes I said it aloud. You know what kids do to their grandparents. I was named as her grandfather so my job is to make sure she stays as a virgin as long as possible." For both new parents it had been an honor when Pong Ni had accepted the offer to be the little one's grandfather. Since that day the old monk had taken his place as Gabi Shi's guardian very seriously. "Are we really talking about my little cutie pie? I can't imagine her in a bed losing her virginity just yet. Give me a year or two or fifteen. Maybe then but I must say, you have become softer after you became a grandpa. Maybe it is a good thing, for you."

The rest of the journey was spent while they talk a bit more about the little princess who had conquered everybody's heart on the instant they had seen her. When they reached the gates of the wooden paradise scouts, who were always guarding the surroundings, escorted them to the yard full of young trainees of every age and skill level. Gabrielle greeted most of them and promised to have a longer chat after their classes were over. She was loved person among everyone in the academy and she knew everybody by name and everyone knew her at least by name. For many she was a mentor because of her expertise in many different category and life experience she had been able to get in spite of her young age.

-.-

Next few hours were spent doing several different things. Their arrival was not expected although there were always rooms from them if they decided to come down from the mountains. Gabrielle didn't want to publish her news of leaving before she was able to talk with her closest friends. It was easier to break the news face to face rather than facing the second-hand information her friends would probably get before Gabrielle found them and was able to explain things properly.

Gabrielle found herself from the stables just before the evening meal. Her mind was turmoil and the only thing she knew was able to help was her trusty companion and mount. It was like years ago when she looked for answers from her scrolls. Even though she tried to update her journal almost daily it was not the right place to look for answers because she had had it less than ten days. Today, playing and talking with Zhancibah made her feel calm and relaxed before facing the storm of questions.

She heard the dining bell ringing somewhere inside the main building. It was a signal for everyone that dinner was served. She gave her horse last kiss before she walked out and followed the path to the main building. The house looked almost same as it had looked five and half years ago when she had first time arrived with T'ing Mai. Back then everything had been new and weird. She had visited China ones before that briefly when Ares had popped her near the entrance of Ming Tieng's mansion. He had hurry back before his power became useless.

In Chin, where no-one followed Greek gods, their powers were very weak. If a gad stayed in place like that too long they would have to walk their way back to a place where they were been worshipped. She had often though how her disappearing had been seen among gods. Of course that was only if they cared. Her soul was not in Hades' kingdoms so there might be some question if someone decided to look for her soul. However, she had made some research and noticed that there were several different afterlives depending on what you believed. If someone looked after her soul then they could come into a conclusion that she had ended up for example in Amazon's after live fields that were different than Hades' kingdom even though Artemis was their patron goddess.

When she had leave Chin with Xena they had just jumped to the first possibly ship they had found and sailed, with weeks of seasickness, back to Greece. She had spent few weeks with Ming Tieng but his world had been more like Roman than Chinese. He had loved the way Romans thought and saw the world. Naturally, Roman culture was his target and he had tried to create a copy of that in his kingdom. Save to say it had collapsed when he had died. Gabrielle had learned years ago that Ming Tieng hadn't been loved leader and when she had decided to step between Xena and Ming Tieng she had chosen the wrong side. Xena had been right and she had been naïve.

The massive outer door welcomed her to the spacious hall. That hall held many warm memories from her time in Chin. It was one of the places people liked to gather and talk about everyday businesses to anyone how wanted to hear. It was also the place where all the public announcements where being made. She was sure she would be standing on the platform sooner than she could think.

In a no time Gabrielle found herself from the line. Everyone, regardless of age or sex, had to nicely wait for their turn to get food. There were few permanent cooks but mostly the food was made by follow students and inhabitants of the academy. There was a list of names on the wall who had the kitchen shift in each day. Gabrielle had had that turn dozens of times and she had never complained. It was her responsibility as a part of community to help and she, among everybody else, did it with pride.

She found Dao-Ming feeding little Gabi Shi in the corner table. Dao-Ming was happy to see Gabrielle because with the child her life had been very hectic. Black circles under her eyes told that little one was still keeping her awake during the nights. She had a lot of help because everybody loved the baby and wanted to help. Still, she personally wanted to take care of every little detail considering the baby. Every time they saw each other it was like they had just talked. It was so easy to continue talking even when there had been months between.

Just a while after Gabrielle had sat down Cheng joined them with both his and his wife's dinner. Even though they had built their own cabin next to the academy they still spent their days closely in the community. Cheng was fast becoming the next head in the healing department and Dao-Ming was still teaching beginners staff lessons for young children. Academy took new habitants, mostly orphan but also former habitants' children, every year because most of the students decided to life elsewhere when they grew up. Still, most of the people came back ones a year t the spring celebration which was also one of the graduation ceremonies.

"Hey, fancy seeing you here. We didn't expect to see you so soon", Cheng said when he was settled to his seat. "I know. I didn't plan to come back down so soon." During the years Gabrielle had spent with master Ni she had learned to control her emotion and hide them behind the mask of emotionless. For example if she was angry she was still able to look like she was happy or if she was confused she was able to wipe all the emotion she had away from her face. It was not easy every time vital if you wanted to survive.

"Is everything okay?" Though her face didn't tell anything the way she express her sentence made her friend to wrinkle his eyebrows. "Everything is great. I will tell you later", Gabrielle decided and change the subject back to little princess Dao-Ming had been feeding. "Does she still wake you every second hour during the nights?"

-.-

After diner Dao-Ming had some businesses she had to attend. Apparently one of her students was in trouble and as a teacher she had to take care of it. Gabrielle chatted with Gabrielle for a while before they noticed little one needed some clean clothes. Gabrielle wished good luck for her friend and headed to the main hall to look for some company. Like she had predicted, she found Yin Lee practicing her gambling skills with few older medicine students.

"You never learn to stop before you lose everything you have", Gabrielle joked when she sat next to her warrior friend. She knew the others had no change at all when Yin was playing dice. She had already emptied many purses with her dice skills. "Hey Xiàjiàng! I didn't expect to see you down here so soon. I thought you wanted to have some private time with master Ni." She jumped up and pulled Gabrielle with her become locking her younger friend into a bear hug. "Oh please it is enough when Dao-Ming jokes about that. Not you as well", Gabrielle told her friend when she was able to get some air into her lungs. "Oh well what are you two doing up there if it doesn't involve something like that?" Her tone was innocent but Gabrielle knew better she was teasing her. "You won't believe if I told you." It was true, at least partly. Even though only few people knew master Ni was or had been the master of Yonnaw, Yin Lee was one of those people who admired master Ni partly just because of that sword. As a weapons master Yin knew the valuable of that sword and knew how good you really needed to be in order to carry it.

"Wait a second. I need to collect my winnings", older woman said and turned back to the table in order to collect the little amount of different kind of items she had won. They rarely used money but usually bet chores or, for example, pieces of clothing. Not that they didn't have any money but it they didn't want to force others to lose their money just because they wanted to play a little dice.

"So tell me, my friend, I can see to want to get it out", Yin said when they sat down to one of the empty sitting areas. It was one of Gabrielle's favorite spots; clone enough to the fireplace to be warm but not so close one would get overheated. "Want me to tell you straight or tell stories first?" Gabrielle joked. She knew Yin was one of those people who didn't like to talk pretty when she had something to tell. "If you can put yaks in it then I can listen the long version", she joked back.

"You know I have been here for over five years?" Gabrielle kept a short break but continued before the weapons master was able to answer the rhetorical question. "The way I feels have changed a lot during these years. First I was angry and just wanted vengeance. Then came the state I coped but I had lost my heart. Now I have been able to restore it but for the last few years I have known it needs something, something I can't get from here." She didn't have to say anything else because Yin understood what she was talking about. Even though she loved the Greek woman in front of her like a sister and didn't want to let her go she knew Gabrielle had had a life before she came to Greece. She had talked about it with her brother and friends and they had all came to a conclusion one day it would be time to let her go back. She would come back, at least to say hello. "I know what you will say my friend. I want you to know I am not angry about your decision. We have been thinking when you will go. Everyone sees it from your eyes. You have grown roots to two different places. We understand."

"It doesn't mean I won't come back. Who knows, maybe Greece is not the same anymore. People have moved on. My sister is over twenty by now. I have no idea if she has a family of her own or something like that. Then there is always Xena. I have no idea who she will react when she hears the news. Even if I won't face her the rumors of me will reach her ears. I am scared a bit about that. I have no idea if she wants to hug me or stroke me. Then there are always you. I will miss every single person inside the walls when I am gone. Greek or not this place has become my second home."

They sat quiet for a while listening music that was played other side of the room. "There is something else as well", Gabrielle broke the ice after a while. "Really? Tell me." Yin never failed to look curious when someone had something to tell. "You know master Ni is getting old", Gabrielle began. Somehow she knew this would be surprising either. "When we discussed about my leaving he said it is my time to fill his boots. Even though I am not originally from China he said I am the greatest student he has ever had. Well you know what happened to Lao Ma when she quit and master Ni doesn't even want to mention Cho Ho so I don't have that much competition but still. Anyway, he said I am the first person he had taught some things and that I am truly his successor. You probably know where I am leading this, don't you?"

"He gave it to you, didn't he. He gave you the sword, Yonnaw. You are the carrier now." Her eyes sparked while she was talking. "We both knew it was going to happen", she continued when Gabrielle couldn't keep her face on check and started to smile. "Yes… and no. I am not the new carrier but I inherited Yonnaw." Gabrielle was wondering how high her friend would jump when her true position was revealed. "The sword didn't accept you. Let me see it and I will hit it good. You are the best candidate for carrying that legendary piece of history." Gabrielle silenced her with a hand signal.

"When the old master is been replaced by carrier, the sword will recognize his or hers aura till the day the old master dies. According to the people who has studied these swords though history, after the old master pasts away the sword goes to a state of mourning. Don't laugh they say the swords have their own minds. That's why it takes so long, normally few generations, to find a new master. However, if the person who touches the sword when the old master is still alive is powerful enough, there is a change, only theoretical because it has never happened, that sword picks its new master when the last one is still alive. It has never happened before." Her last sentence was barely a whisper so Yin missed that when the engine inside her head started to spin way too fast. "You mean there is a change to find a new master for Yonnaw while master N is still alive?"

"No, not anymore. I said I am not the new carrier but I hold the possession of the sword", Gabrielle said calmly before her face betrayed her and she smiled like a baby who had been able to close her mouth around her toe. "You!?" Yin yelled and indeed jumped to the roof. "You are the one? Oh my gods this is huge!" It was her turn to look like a child but a little bit bigger that Gabrielle had been only a moment ago. She pulled Gabrielle to another bear hug while she was still jumping up and down like some maniac. "I knew you had potential. I have always said you have it in you. You never believed me but now you can't deny it!" Most of the people in the room looked Yin and wondered if she had lost her mind. "Want to see it? Even though you are not royal enough to normally do that I can make an exception today", Gabrielle teased her friend how was already half way to Gabrielle's room before she even end her question.

**End of part 25 **

Now I have two different ideas how to continue this story. I won't tell which those two are but I would like to hear how you think it will continue, it's easier to choose how to continue when I hear your thoughts :)


	26. Admitting the truth

Chapter 26 – When you have to admit the truth everybody can already sees

Of course Yin had to see the sword herself before her completely believed Gabrielle's story. Her true motivation, which Gabrielle realized immediately, was to be able to touch the sword in question for the first time. She had never had that honor before which had been almost like a rude gesture toward a person like she, at least that was Yin's opinion.

After spending over an hour investigating every little curve of the sword Gabrielle was just about to fall asleep but her excited friend demanded to have a little sparring match against Gabrielle and Yonnaw. Shorter woman wanted to have the fight the next day but in the end she accepted the offer, mostly because she didn't want to argue with her friend and she wanted to try her ne2w sword, even though she didn't admit it.

It was already quite dark when they reached the outer training grounds. They decided to use the farthest and normally the quietest ring because for youngsters it was rare to see two black-ranked people spar so those training matches had more watchers than was needed.

"Have to admit I never thought you will be one of the legends when I first time saw you. You were just a kid who got lucky. When you did your first finals with kon I saw the first spark you have in there." Yin mentioned when they walked side by side to training area. Gabrielle had to admit five years ago she hadn't had a slightest how her life would change when she had laid on her bed first night she had slept in the academy. "A lot have changed in these years. When I came I was almost very young, almost a child. I had lived few years with Xena and learned a lot but still my ideologies were really childish. I still believe in greater good but not as blindly as I used to. Some people just are dark, you can't save them all."

"I think the biggest change is in your style. You are always so calm, you are able to snap your mask on and when that's on it's impossible to know what you are thinking."

"Master Ni taught me a lot mind controlling. Part of it is to learn how to control your emotions. It is not that hard after a little practice."

"Well let me give you some practice. I am sure it will be easy after few broken noses." They had arrived to the practice area and Yin was busy unclipping her weapon from its scabbard. "Hah. You should keep that little mouth of yours shut and focus licking yours wounds after I am done with you."

They took their own custom starting positions and started to circle each other. During the next hour they both took equal amount of hits and kicks. It was hard for both of them to get though other's defense: Yin knew Gabrielle's strengths and weaknesses and truly as Gabrielle knew Yin's weaknesses. When Gabrielle used her speed and flexibility to deliver quick attacks, Yin used her strength to slow down the deadly attacks and deliver few of her owns to be blocked by equal skilled and rock hard defense Gabrielle had created while training different weapons and techniques.

When they were both covered in sweat and the sun had set long time ago they decided to stop and get some sleep. "Not bad buddy. You have improved your movements in the month you spent up there", older woman praised her friend when they cleaned their weapons. After starting with swords they had switched to Gabrielle's favorite, Sais. After Sais they had changed to staffs which was still Yin's main weapon even though she was master in both kon and sword. They had even had few rounds hand in hand combat without weapons before Yin went with sword against Gabrielle's Sais and opposite. "Some last change training plus Yonnaw showed me some tricks our ancestors used", Gabrielle said using the same tone she used to report her process during kitchen duties. "Yonnaw showed you, the sword showed you?" she yelled and jumped in front of Gabrielle like a five-year-old. "That is unfair!"

"No big deal, it was mostly about history. Besides, it didn't teach me to fight but showed me some important fights from the past. All I received was images, memories of fights happened hundreds of years ago. It was like I was standing there and watching. No big deal. Besides, you beat me with kon. I think I didn't have a change at all."

"Always the modest one. I am going to miss these sessions we have had. We weren't the closest friends at the beginning but I have grown to see you as my sister, the one I never had."

-.-

When Gabrielle woke up next morning she felt extremely good. While doing her customary morning routine she thought how much she had grown during her years in china. The routine was a good example. She still remembered the one master Ni had forced her to perform. Back then she had thought nothing could be harder than that routine. The one she performed every morning was at least ten times harder than the one she had used back in those days. Nowadays, that routine could have been used as a warm up but because of the easiness of that routine she used a lot more difficult and complex as her warm up. The irony of the situation was enormous. Of course she understood she had been in a very bad shape when she had begun her training. 6 months in bed had made her muscles disappear almost completely: getting up from the bed had been very difficult and walking almost impossible task.

"I guess I have never been in this good shape", she said aloud when she stood in front of the mirror. Her body was indeed in a very good shape. Hours and hours of training outside had given her a great tan, her muscles all around her body were very visible, not too bulky but large enough to make impress. Years of stretching and yoga exercise had made her very flexible which had only a positive effect to her overall. She was not very strong but she replaced her weakness with speed and flexibility.

Some of the scar she had gained had either faded or healed completely. There were still places, like her angle or nose, were you could see they were one broken but she had years ago learned to not notice those spots. The scar on her face was still big and visible but it was also become part of her body. When she looked her reflection she didn't see it anymore. She did see it, of course, but it didn't steal her attention like it had at the beginning. Her back was also full of long tiny scars you barely were able to see which she had received when Xena had dragged her behind Argo. She had no idea how long or to where Xena had dragged her but she only imagined who far that had been, her estimation based on Xena's anger.

She had kept her hair short for years. It was not because she didn't like it long but mostly because of the practical side of the issue. Keeping it short was not so bad anymore, at the beginning cutting every other moon had been frustrating. She had used to cut it and lately had been able to create a decent looking style.

A sharp knock pulled her up from her thoughts. She made a sound to let the person outside her room she was coming and quickly pulled some piece of clothes to cover her naked body. She still looked like a mess when she opened the door and found T'ing Mai standing in front of her. "Did I wake you?" He asked when he noticed how exploded she looked like. "No, no you didn't. Please, come in if you'd like." She moved back a bit to let him in. In Gabrielle's eyes he was still her hero, her savior.

"I talked with master Ni. He said you wanted to announce the news yourself but he decided to tell me beforehand." Gabrielle walked back to her bed and began organizing the clothes she decided to wear that day. "What you think about it?" She asked when she heard T'ing Mai sat on the bench next to her big window. "To be honest I have been wondering how long it takes before you go back. You stayed longer than I thought you would. Your life before was so different. You lived on road and loved that. It is quite a change to stay one place over five years."

"I know. I wanted to go months, years ago but I had this feeling I was not ready. I wanted to graduate from master Ni's school, if you can call it that, before going back. I am also a bit scared: what if she still hates me and wants to kill me. I am not sure if I am skilled enough to defend myself longer than ten seconds. I know I am good but she is the best."

"What if she feels guilty and starts to cry when she learns the truth. What will you do?"

"I haven't thought that much. I think I will choose the path I see in front of me when that moment is present. I can predict the future so I am not speculating."

"Still you always see Xena as a person who will come after you and kill you."

"Humans seem to see thinks like they were when they last time saw those. I admit I do that too but when you leave something to somewhere you don't think someone might move your item but when you came back you think the item is where you left it. Same goes with relationships, you see them like they were, not like they could be. I admit I am weak but I have studied human mind and made my discoveries."

"My young friend. Every time I see you act more and more like master Ni. You have truly inherited his legacy."

"I only try to follow the footsteps one great man has left behind but never will I reach the place where he will fall."

-.-

After taking a long walk with T'ing Mai, Gabrielle felt better than days. She had been afraid how people would see her leaving but the healer had been able to convince she was doing the right choice. Those who had found the academy hundreds of years ago, two brothers from the family of Ni which was the same Pong Ni's roots landed, their idea had been to create a place where orphans were able to grow up and bond with people who sincerely loved them and wanted to help develop their natural skills. Later, those who had been adopted to academy when they had been young started to teach the youngest ones what they had learn and so on. During the decades the academy had stand next to the mountains different programs had been made and the orphan house had become a place where you learned to be the best healers, warriors or philosophizes that walked the paths of Chin. They didn't took in everybody who walked outside the gates and wanted to learn but they took those who really needed the help.

That's why it was not extraordinary to leave when you felt you had learned enough or you wanted to seek your roots. Some came place permanently, other only few times, or less, a year. It was not uncommon to move away which made Gabrielle feel slightly better.

Hardest part had been telling to Dao and Cheng. Their little one was growing every day and Gabrielle she would miss the little infant it she wasn't able to come back. After crying with Dao almost an hour and the rumor had spread all over the academy and people from all generations came if she was really leaving. She promised to visit every class at least once before she left which made her stay at least another three days. She didn't know nor did she want to decide when she took off so it was only good for her to delay it for another few days.

Yin wanted to spar with her again but this time they didn't care about the audience which was, in fact, large. Some other weapon masters joined them and before the nightfall Gabrielle had sparred whit almost everyone of the upper rank as she called the more skilled fighters. Years ago she would have laughed if someone had said she would enjoy spending hour after hour in ring taking match after match with different weapons or barehanded. Now she saw nothing weird when that happened.

After an eventful evening in the common hall filled with lots of laugh and good memories she walked alone to the room she knew by heart. It was the same where she had slept her first night when T'ing Mai had bought her there after the long journey to meet master Ni. After that night it had been her home every time she visited the main building. It was the place where she had experienced feelings she had never before felt but also a place where she had been able to retreat when she needed time just for herself.

Quietly she changed to her nightshirt. It was very warm and the attire was not really needed but she loved to feel the silk-like material against her skin. One thing she hadn't missed was strangely luxury. It was odd because she had loved to shop and bargain thing she didn't really needed. Although she still loved to shop and did that every time she had opportunity meaningless little items like beautiful pieces of clot or expensive jewelry didn't capture her attention like they had when she was younger and still living home. With Xena she had still loved to shop and spend hours at marketplace believing money just dropped to her hand from the sky when she needed that. She had always loved to bargain but only in her early twenties in China she had learned to appreciate the little she had and understood the value of items you really needed. Still, occasional, she wanted to feel luxury so probably nothing, except her thoughts of the subject, had changed.

Quiet knock startled Gabrielle second time that day. When she opened the door she was surprised when she found Dao-Ming standing on the other side. After getting married, she and Cheng had built own cottage next to the academy where they slept and spend time when they were not at the academy. "Is everything okay?" Gabrielle inquired because she couldn't find a reason why her friend was there. She had seen her retreating to their house with the baby almost two candle marks ago. "May I come in?" Dao-Ming's voice was quiet, almost too quiet for normal person to hear. Gabrielle stepped back and let her friend walk in. Something on the way new mother carried her body told Gabrielle this was not an everyday visit.

"I am going to miss you", Dao whispered after closing the door. "I want to say goodbye in my way", she continued and stepped a bit closer to her Greek friend. "Will you let me spend one more night whit you before you go?" She was now standing so close their noses were almost touching. "Cheng won't mind, I asked him before I left", she added when she saw a hint of regret in her friend's green eyes.

"You sure about that?"

"He knows there is something he can't give me but you can."

"You will always be special for me. no-one else can be my first one", Gabrielle whispered before she let her body and desire take control and steal every coherent thought from her mind.

-.-

In the end Gabrielle spent over a week saying her goodbyes in the academy. She attended every class possible, subject from chin culture to pressure point techniques, and chatted with everyone she knew by name which met almost everyone. Even Pong Ni showed how sad he was and how much he would miss her young but smart inheritor.

The day before she left she was surprised with a huge party. Even some of those she had known but who had moved to other places during her five years in Chin had come back to say their farewells. In the middle of the party Gabrielle was pulled to the stage and asked to accept everything they wanted to do for her. Gabrielle knew it was a custom so she promised without even thinking twice.

T'ing Mai who was now considered as a headmaster of the academy after Huan Lee's sudden dead less than year before stepped next to her and started to speak. "We are all gathered here today to honor a great friend of ours who is going to take another leap in her life and face the truth and fears she had been carrying for years. Today we want to give you, Xiàjiàng, Gabi Shi, Gabrielle, our last gift and goblet of luck before you walk thought our gates to the world you used to know but which may have changed a lot."

Tears in her eyes Gabrielle didn't notice when Pong Ni had also stepped next to her. "My dear child", he began turning everybody's attention to him. "When we met you were shattered and lost. Pain and anger ate your soul. I knew it was not going to be easy for you to find your purity again but you amazed us all with your inner strength. It took time because your body had to be healed before soul and your body was not in a very good shape. It been a long time since someone surprised me but you certainly did that. Ten years ago, after a failure of my student, I swore I would never take another student but today I thank every power in life I broke that promise. You have been the most talented and dedicated student I have ever had and that's why I am proud to call you my successor."

Before anyone were able to say anything T'ing Mai continued to speak. "You may not be Chinese by birth but you certainly are Chinese by your soul my child. You studied our culture and our language. You know our history by heart and speak our language so good you can't say if you are native or not. You came from the culture so different compared to us but instead of trying to change us you decided to embrace ours. Anyone inside this hall would gratefully call you as a long lost sibling. You have taken your place in our family and we will always be grateful for that.

Today, you will receive the title you have always carried. As a successor of master Pong Ni you chose the path of martial arts. You were an excellent student but we all know you mastered the last weapon of four only few months ago. Rarely someone masters every weapon but did so. That's why it is our honor to give you the title of grand master in martial art, title only few people carries. As I sign of the title we have decided to give you the red cape. Your journey will be long so you will need something to warm you up once in a while."

While half of the audience cried and Gabrielle leaned to master Ni in order to not lose her consciousness and ruin the moment. She was very emotional after all and what she had just heard made her literally almost melt to the floor. However, it didn't stop Yun-qi when he stepped forward. He was a twin brother of Yin Lee and master of barehanded combat.

"My dear friend. I represent every one of the people you have learned to know during these years with us. We have follow your path and offered you support every time you needed that just like you did when someone needed your support. Your unselfishness is admirable. That's why we decided you need a memory from us to carry with you so that every time you see it you remember us and our love. When you arrived here you were young girl without real direction. Stories were your passion, they still are and I must say I have always loved the way you can wake up a story and bring it in front of my eyes. We didn't want to give you a scroll or ink so we studied the other things you have learned to love.

You always say you are not a warrior and that you won't have a change against real situation. Well, every one of us knows that is not true. You proved that when you gain the mastery of every weapon we use. I have seen you on action and I can truthfully say you are unbeatable, except against me of course. I will never admit someone is better than I. There is two kind of warrior and you are the better type. You are not arrogant or murderous. Your goal is to survive, not kill. You may not look like much but inside those tight muscles lays a heart bigger than our world.

After a long meeting we decided to give you something we think you need. You will receive our gift tomorrow so you don't have time to give it back to us. Please, don't cross words with us but accept your gifts as a sigh of honor. We honor you like you honor us."

Gabrielle didn't know what to do except wrapping her arms around Yun-qi's neck and hugging him senseless. She knew how much he hated to speak in front of hundreds especially in emotional situations.

"Thank you everybody. I will never forget any of you. It is so amazing you all care so much even though I have lived with master Ni most of the time. What I have learned here is something I can't even describe. You have taught me how to love again after being so deep in the shadows for so long. All of us have bad moments once in a while. I am so proud of every one of you because you showed me how to get up and back on track. If I have hurt some of you in any way, I want to apologize before I go. I didn't mean it but once in a while I was so deep in my darkness I didn't care about other at all.

Five and half years ago I came from a culture so different compared to yours. I couldn't communicate with most of you because I didn't speak your language. I don't know if I can say for my luck, but I use that term anyway because today I see this opportunity as a good thing, I had this need to leave everything behind and start again. You supported me even though I was stranger. Now I see you as my family and it feels so sad to leave you behind but I have no change.

My heart pulls me back to the place where I was born. I promise I will come back some day if I stay alive. Although Yun-qi Lee said I am invincible I am only human whose can make mistakes and trust me I have done a few big ones in my life. I don't know if I am going to stay Greece because it has change a lot, I know that for sure, so I have no idea what life will drop in front of me. Everyone I knew thinks I am dead and that's why they have move on. I bet no-one's waiting, maybe hoping but certainly not waiting, for me. I know it will be a shock for many people who knew me, some may be dead by now but always there may be new members in my friends' families.

When I came here I was young and naïve. When I leave tomorrow I have years of experience behind me. I have grown too and that's all because of you. Without you I might be dead by now. Like T'ing Mai said, I am not Chinese by birthright but I hope you consider me as a Chinese by heart. That's what I am now: my roots are now in two cultures, but I am proud of it. I will never forget any of you."

She still had much to say but during the little break for collecting her thought people thought she had finished and started to applaud. Gabrielle didn't mind, she was not in a condition to give a long speech. She had no idea what happened next but she found herself from the mass of crying Chinese hugging her and wishing good luck. Food was served and toasts were raised for every reason. All in all it was a pleasant evening full of joy but also yearning.

-.-

Gabrielle stood inside the stables going though her gear one last time. She had already checked the saddle packs, secured all the straps and buckles and fed Zhancibah. Everything was ready to go, she only had to rise to the saddle. The whole front yard was full of people sending her on her journey. She had decided to ride the whole journey because she couldn't even think the weeks she would have to sit in a ship and feel miserable because of her seasickness. It meant she had to ride though China, India and Persia before she was in Greece. She knew China very well and Persian culture was not far from Greek culture but India was going to be a whole new experience. It would also take months to reach Potedia where she had decided to go first.

She had decided to wear the gifts she had received. Yun-qi and Yin had knocked her door before the sunrise and delivered the gift Yun-qi had promised and which Gabrielle had already forgotten. As usually, she had tried to refuse but it had been pointless. They had decided to give her an armor made of leather and cloth. She had never even considered of owning armor but when she had first time tried it she had decided to like it anyway. It was not common Chinese one, half Chinese half Amazon. It was consisted of shoulder and wrist guards, a top that ended just under her breast and skirt which reached somewhere between her knee and mid-thigh.

The top had a dragon print on it. The tail of the legendary animal and protector of the Academy disappeared under the fold but reappeared from the belt and made a circle around her hip. Yin told her it was symbolic, it meant where ever she was, she was always protected by the people of Academy of Ni. Gabrielle had cried when she heard it and had promised for herself and everybody who had helped to make the gift to wear it just because of the symbolic worth.

There was also a down side of the attire she was not proudly carrying. By dressing like a warrior and carrying Yonnaw on her back she was labeled as a warrior. It took some time to process but Gabrielle realized by now it was not worth to fight against. Weather she wanted or not she had grown up to be a fighter, master of martial arts and deadly weapons. She had killed people without even thing about it and was able to steel her mind and act emotionless when needed. She had made her body to a deadly weapon by training many hours every day. First it had been because of hate and anger but later on because she had learned to like it. It was something she had known for years but admitted when she saw her reflection wearing her new armor and customary black cape with red lining as a sign of her new title.

When she walked Zhancibah out Cheng came to walk beside her. He was dressed in his robes that showed her status as a grand healer. He had received her status few months ago, at the same graduation where Gabrielle had mastered sword. Dao-Ming and Yin joined them also wearing their ceremonial dresses made for weapon masters. When Gabrielle looked around her she notice everybody had their ceremonial clothes on. It was their last sign of honor for her. Her friends walked her to the gates, hugged and kissed her before she turned and looked the two persons who had saved her.

Pong Ni and T'ing Mai waited her at the gates. Either of them didn't say anything, they only hugged her and moved from her path. It was all traditional and performed for everybody who left. When they stepped aside it was a mark to go. She had already said her farewells to her closes friends so she mounted her horse and turned to look the mass one last time. Before she went she thanked everybody one last time and made the hand signal of honor. Then she turned to face the road again and gave Zhanci the command to move forward. She felt the hot tears rolling down her cheeks when she listened the steady sound of Zhancibah's hoof hitting the stony surface of sandy road. 

End of part 26

All mistakes are mine


	27. When we devolve our own wings

Chapter 27 – When we devolve our own wings

Yin Lee was just finished her lessons for day and was walking back to the main building with her brother Yun-qi Lee when she noticed a rider at the gates talking to the guard. When the guard, young but potential girl around 15 summers, noticed them she showed a hand sign asking for them to come closer. Because the siblings had no idea which one of them was needed they both went to ask if something was wrong.

It was rare to have any visitors at all. The Academy was built to a place which was far away from main roads and big cities. It was surrounded by mountains so there was only one road, directly from a small mining town, which you could use to arrive.

"These are master Yin and Yun-qi Lee. I understood master Yin was the one you had to meet", Mei said, nodded and went back to her place when the siblings were close enough to hear her. "Hello, my name is Feng Huang. I was hired to deliver this note directly to you miss Lee. I hope you don't mind I am a little bit late but this place was not easy to find." He took a scroll from his saddleback and gave it to Yin. "Thank you, Feng Huang. I hope you still had a pleasant journey even though our home is not easy to find", Yin answered while wondering who had sent her the scroll. She had a good idea of that because Gabrielle had promised to write before she left the country. "I better go now. Farewell, miss Yin Lee and mister Yun-qi Lee."

They walked side by side back to the main building. She was in a hurry to open the letter and see how her friend's first part of her journey had gone. It was a little bit over a month since Gabrielle had left to travel the endless roads to the country Yin had never visited. It had been weird to think her best friend was no longer up the mountain living with master Ni. Even though Gabrielle had mostly been up there she had always been close. Now the distance grew every day and she had no idea when they would meet next time.

Unlike Dao-Ming, Yin had never been intimate with Gabrielle. They loved each other a lot but it was always sisterly love. When Gabrielle had learned Chinese and the way of communication had opened they had become friends immediately, mostly because Dao-Ming had taken the young Greek to their group. They had taught her a lot of Chinese culture and everyday-life from a little bit different perspective than master Ni. It was unique how a group of different people had become so close and well-functioning but that was what had happened in a very short period of time.

Although she knew her brother also wanted to hear what Gabrielle had to say he stepped back for now and wished Good night to her sister before going to his own room. There were a little bit time before the evening meal and Yin wanted desperately to read the letter Gabrielle had sent for her.

When she opened the scroll she smiled when she saw line after line of her friend's versions of traditional writing marks. It was so magnificent to know a person who had been able to learn the language so different compared to her own mother tongue.

"_Dear Yin,_

_So far my journey has been quite pleasant. It's now been 13 days since we left but for you probably over a month when you receive this. Thank you for the little surprise you had hidden in my saddle back. I have tried to spare as much as I can but when you hid a delicious treat in my back I am doomed to eat it too fast._

_Zhancibah has loved it so far, like we all know he loves to run long distances. Most of the nights I have camped outside but few times I have stayed in tavern. It's different now when I am alone because it's first time I am travelling alone in China. I am so used to be part of your community I almost forget I don't look like Chinese. If I don't say a word they see me as an outsider riding though their lands. I think it is because Ming Tien tried to change this country to something like Rome these people despise Westerns._

_Yesterday one man yelled me "Go away you filthy Roman spy" in Greek. You should have seen his face when I asked what he said because I couldn't understand Greek. He looked quite embarrassed and said he thought I was someone else and only wished me good day in Greek. I never told him I catched his lie. _

_During the days I have been thinking a lot. Step by step my past comes closer and closer to me. I realized how much I messed up in the last few months before I left with T'ing Mai. I know my family must know what happened: if Xena didn't tell, which I think is highly possible, then Amazons or Joxer or someone else did._

_I acted like a jerk when I put a demon child before Xena. I knew she killed that guard when she was just hours old. Because of my selfish acts Xena lost her only child and I lost our friendship. It is weird how much I hate that child, Hope, now. For a while she was the most precious thing for me. I just hope my father won't tan my backside because of that. He used to do so but I hope I am old enough to understand without getting my butt whacked, heh. Even though he hated Xena I think he stands on her side in this subject._

_During these days I have been travelling I have had the temptation to break the shield I created between Xena's and my soul. It would be so easy now when I am going back anyway. She would know and be ready waiting for me with a sword or a flower. In that way I would know what she thinks about me after almost six years. However, I won't do it. Not because I am afraid but because I don't want to do it for her. It would be too big of a shock. When I get enough courage I will face her face to face like I promised. Time will tell what happens._

_I miss you all terribly and it's only been less than two weeks. During those endless hours of riding I have also noticed that this is the first time I am really travelling alone. I think Zhanci will hate me when we reach Greece; I spend my time thinking aloud and hoping he could give me the answers I know only I can find. My talking must annoy him. _

_I will try to write you again in few weeks. After that it might be too difficult to send me letters directly to the academy but I will find a way to tell you how I am doing. During this journey you won't be able to reach me but like I said before I left you can send them to Potedia. I am sure I am allowed to stay for a while, even if not then my family can deliver them to me. _

_Tell my greeting to everybody you meet, especially to Dao-Ming. Remind her to keep my kon and nunchakus save. If I don't return before her little runt reaches the age they are for Gabi-Shi to use as a training weapons. She knows it but sometimes Dao likes to play moron. _

_Love you all forever,_

_Xiàjiàng _

-.-

Xena watched from her hiding place how a large group of soldiers tried to organize a long line of women and girls they have obviously captured. She had heard their voices when she had been re-packing her campsite. Men were obviously slavers, carrying the mark of some warlord or king Xena didn't recognize. There were total of sixteen men and about 30 or 40 ladies.

"Move forward, quickly now c'mon!" one of the men yelled when the line tried to slow down a bit. It was clear they had walked through the night and unlike the slavers who were riding the women looked like most of them would fall in any minute. "We don't have all day. All you need to do is walk, I bet you know how to do it!"

Quietly Xena followed the line through the forest. She knew what she had to do, free the girls, but she didn't know if she was able to do so without harming any of them. Men didn't really care about women, only their value was important so in order to defend they could use one of the girls as a shield.

Xena followed the group to the lake nearby. She watched from the trees while some of the men guarded women while the others filled their waterskins and rested their feet. It was so sick to watch how badly the women were treated.

Xena was pulled back from her thoughts by two guards who walked right to her direction. She was afraid they had discovered her and was just about to move when she realized they were only going to answer the call of nature. "Syxalag should pay more for us", shorter of the men complained while getting ready to empty his bladder. "He only sits inside the walls of his fortress while we bring him new candidates. He doesn't have to listen when all these bitches are whining about stupid things like cold backsides or blisters. It is not my fault they are now Syxalag's property."

"He is what he is. Besides, we always get to have our portion of fun when we are in the fortress. Though it is a shame he has usually put our girls to the arena before we have chance to be on their company again. He has a lot of males as well but I think he gets his satisfaction when he sees a girl dying in the arena."

"There is a truth behind your words brother of mine. Still, it doesn't mean I have to agree. I desperately need some new gear so what can I say, I need money", the shorter of the brothers decided while closing his pants again. "Yea, well. That's your opinion. The rest of the party is packing up. Let's go."

-.-

After 32 days of travelling Gabrielle arrived to the border between India and China. The climate had warmed a lot compared to the mountain climate she was so used to. Suddenly she didn't need a cape during the days and at night her only cover was her cape instead of thick fur.

She was a little bit behind her schedule. Normally it would have taken only about 20 days to reach the border but there had been some complication in the village called Chengqucun.

-.-

The next town Gabrielle would reach was called Chengqucun. It was a small place in the middle of the mountains, rarely visited by anyone. Gabrielle had decided to stop by because Yun-qi Lee had asked her to do so because of the magnificent landscape you were able to see from that town. It was also the place where the Lee siblings were born even though Yun-qi did never say it aloud. It was Yin who told about the real reason why her brother asked Gabrielle to stop by.

Their father had died before they were born and that had eventually forced their mother to seek a new place to live when the sibling were around three. She had ended up selling herself to passing sailors in order to take care of her small family. That had eventually destroyed her life because one night one drunk customer was not satisfied enough to her services and killed the poor woman.

It was almost a night when Gabrielle reached the lights of the town. There were huge walls surrounding the place. First she was not sure if it was the right because Yin had said that there was only a small pile of stones that surrounded the inner parts of the town. However, she didn't have a choice, it was dark and windy outside so she decided to enter even though it might not be the place she thought she arrived.

At the gates a guard yelled her from his guarding post: "What's your business in Chengqucun stranger? Tell me or I open the fire!" You needed a bit more than dead treat to scare the young blond so calmly she answered to the guard: "My name is Xiàjiàng, I am only passing by and seeking for a place to spend a night. I am hoping your tavern has space for me because it is cold outside. I am planning to gross the mountains and continue to India as quickly as possible. I am adventures from Northern China." It was silent for a long time. Gabrielle was not sure if the guard would even answer anymore when she heard him speak again. "Very well, it is rare to meet adventures here in our isolated town. Please, come in. We won't harm you sister."

Silently the huge gate opened revealing a row of little wooden houses and welcoming lights. The guard who she had spoken to jumped down from his post and greeted her. "Hello, I am Fan Niu. Welcome to our town Xiàjiàng, please, for your safety, stay out of the foreign devils' way. They don't like strangers even though they are strangers as well."

"I will remember your advice mister Niu. Could you show me the way to your tavern, I would like to get some food for my mount and some sleep for myself as well", Gabrielle answered while she lowered her hood. One thing she had learned during her years in China was to be as polite as possible. It was something the people in the country valued more than anything.

"Have you come to meet them?" Suddenly Fan Niu's tone changed dramatically. Gone was the kindness which was now replaced by loathing. "I am not aware what you are referring to mister Niu. I am here as a guest but I didn't come here to meet anyone." She had a hunch who the foreign devils were. Most of the native Chinese hated western just because they were different and usually wanted to understand Chinese culture and language. Some people didn't like the idea of sharing which, during the centuries, had caused the hate against the westerns in those who were afraid to meet people from different cultures. "Like I said, I come from north where I have lived several years. At the moment the path I am following goes to India and after that I will continue west to Greece where I was born. I want to see the place where I come from at least once. I am Greek by blood but Chinese by heart. I wish no harm to your town. I am just passing by."

"I believe you, round-eyed. I listen how you speak and I hear your accent which is not western. I welcome you but you must remember others will see you as an intruder. You must tell them what you told me and they will welcome you. The tavern is that way", he pointed the southern street "follow that street and you will find the stables. It is attached to our tavern. You won't miss it. I must return to my post now. Have a nice journey and life, Miss Xiàjiàng. I hope you find the answers you are looking for from the destination of your journey."

Like the guard said, the tavern was easy to find. From outside you were able to hear a distant sound of talking and laughing that came from inside. After leaving her horse to the stable master who seemed to care more about the horse than its owner she entered the small tavern. During her short walk to the stables she had been wondering if she met the foreign devils the guard had been talking about. It was always funny to imagine but the truth, which was revealed for her when she stepped in, was something she could have never even thought about.

When she opened the door, she couldn't believe what she saw. Dozens of shiny armors welcomed her in. It was like she had stepped in to a tavern in the middle of Rome, Roman everywhere. Only things missing were grapes and Caesar.

Slowly she made her way to the bar where a Chinese man was serving drinks. She hoped he was the bartender. Few of the semi drunk soldiers studied her for a while but didn't do anything. "Hello", she said quietly to the man in Chinese. She had pulled her hood on again so she wouldn't attract attention. When the man turned to listen she continued. "I would like to have a single room for a night including food for myself and my horse. Nothing fancy, just a roof on top of me."

"It's rare to have a paying customer my lady. Our town is not a nice place to visit anymore." The bartender took something under the bard. "Here, take this key. It's the last room on the north wind. I will prepare a plate for you which will be ready when you have settled. Which currency you use?"

"Do you take ring-money?"

"Of course, my lady. It's five coins, please."

"Thank you. I will change into something more comfortable. It's warm here and I am wearing my winter gear. I will return shortly."

The room was very comfy. It was not very big and only included what was really needed. It didn't smell and the bed sheets seemed fresh.

In order to attract less attention in the middle of romans she decided to take off her armor and weapons. She left her cape and hood on because it was easier than explaining why she was western. Also without showing her face she hoped the Chinese in the town would treat her better, what had happened with the guard had not been unique situation.

When she returned to the main area she knew what to expect but seeing Romans after over 6 years brought back memories which were not all very lovely ones. It was also weird to step into a room where most of the people were speaking Greek. It had been a long time when she had seen so many westerns. Those few men they had helped after Dao-Ming's bachelor party were actually the only ones she had met after coming to China so technically it was the first time after leaving Greece.

One of the soldiers was refilling his friends' and his own class when Gabrielle walked back to the bar. The man was yelling to the bartender because he thought the old man was filling their mugs too slowly. Older man tried to explain he couldn't do it any faster but the obnoxious Roman heard none of it. When he finally finished filling all the mugs and placing them to the tray soldier turned and walked back to his table murmuring something about killing the rice-eyed idiot.

"Isn't he going to pay?" Gabrielle wondered aloud when the roman was gone. "They never do so", the bartender answered. "After arriving here almost a season ago all they have done is build wall and turning our beautiful village to a fortress. They say food and drinks are their price of protecting us. We are not soldiers, we can't fight, and they know that. The situation is not ideal but we cope. Secretly every one of us wants them gone but it's not possible, at least not at the moment."

"How can you talk to me so freely? If I were one of them I wouldn't let any strangers inside those walls. They could easily been thrown out by neighbor-villages if they were helping you."

"Because they don't rule us. Those men you met at the gates, they are our sons. Our community lives on the other half of the village, roman on another. Sometimes they act like pigs but most of the time it's like two camps. Them and us."

"Well, I think this is something I won't understand but it's not my concern so I will just eat my meal, sleep and be gone before the sun reaches the highest point."

"Tell me, madam, have you ever met westerns before. Their kingdoms in west are much more allied than ours. Rome, where these soldiers come from, has only one leader but their lands are bigger than the whole Chin. It's like poking a sleeping beast. If we fight against them the beast will wake and wipe us from the map. We are afraid, that's why we let them live here."

Gabrielle quickly glanced behind her shoulder before leaning above the bar in a way that the bartender saw her face. "I understand your situation because I have seen the power of Rome. To answer your question, I have met westerns because originally I am from Greece, land next to Rome. I have been living here for years but now I want to return at least to see once more the land where I was born. I have met Romans before and actually been in Rome once. That's why I know Rome is not directly interested about your town but the whole kingdom of Chin.

Before you make a number of me not being one of Chinese I want to point out that I may be Greek by flesh and blood but Chinese by heart. That sentence is something I have had to repeat time after time and I hope you understand it."

"Dear child. Destiny gave all of us our places in this world. You may have born in one place but your destination and place where you are met to be might be located far away from that place. I don't judge by face but for your safety I don't think it's good to show it for everybody. If you can keep on low profile you will be far away by now in tomorrow."

"I know. Some people hate me so much because of my face. Some in your village may as well."

"That is true my lady. After the Romans arrived here those numbers have risen even more. It is not good to hate someone because they look different but one man can't change the world."

"You sound very wise old man. You remind me of a friend I have."

"Thank you madam. I am Yung by the way, Yung Lee."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Lee. My name is _Xiàjiàng."_

__After eating the light dinner Mr. Lee had prepared for her Gabrielle was ready to call it a night. She was a little bit disappointed the town had changed so much and wanted to help but at her situation it was not very wise. Romans had probably conquered dozens of little remote villages and were just waiting for the attack-command. When the green dragon, Ming T'ien, was still on charge we had had very close friendship with Rome even though it was not well-known fact. Of course Caesar's ambition was probably conquering Ming T'ien's lands like Xena had tried, and failed, but after losing the green dragon that would have been waste of time because of the distance between Rome and China. The group of soldiers waiting in Chengqucun was probably only a team of observers, one of the many eyes and ears Caesar had around the world. Even though they were annoying they weren't threatening, at least not at the moment.

Gabrielle rarely sank into her thoughts in the middle of a full room but this time that happened. Her training had trained her to observe everything around her but it was all that had disappeared when she was molding the irregular situation on her mind. That's why she didn't notice when a soldier came to get yet another refill. She was just stepping down from the tall chair she was sitting on which caused her to pump on the solder behind her.

"Sorry, my bad", she muttered in Chinese without thinking it at all.

"_You little idiot_", the drunken soldier yelled. In his mind Chinese people were lesser and stupider than westerns who, at least inside his drunken mind, when on the top of the food chain. "_Don't you know I don't understand that stupid mumbling coming out of your mouth. You should respect us because we are here to help you evolve your dirty little town. Without us you would still have your walls made of dirt and guards without their backbones."_

In situations like this it was easier to act stupid than try to be a hero. The solder was, after all, arrogant and very drunk.

"_Sorry", _Gabrielle used the accent that sounded more like pronounced using Chinese than Greek. She didn't want to answer the questions if the roman learned more about her. Slowly she walked past the solder and began her way back to her room.

It took him few seconds to realize Gabrielle had just walked away like normal person should when confronted by angry drunken. "_Now wait a minute bitch"_, he hated it when a woman walked away from him. It was his duty as a male to walk away after lecturing a female, not the opposite.

He grabbed her from behind and forced her to turn around by pulling her cape. "_Women should not walk over men"_, he yelled aloud making every head in the room turn to look at the pair. Gabrielle knew she was in trouble when her hood fell off and she ended up face-to-face with the angry roman. "Let me go immediately. You have no rights to come yell at me about my right. You men think you rule the world but that's far from the truth. Learn to respect the other sex."

"_My, my. What we have here? You are not Chinese after all but still you mumble that weird lower-class language. You should feel ashamed." _He barked after realizing her western structure. "_What a pretty face you have. Shame someone has destroyed it", _the laugh that followed his sentences was cold. Before Gabrielle had time to do anything a group of soldiers had stood up and surrounded the little blonde. "_Hey Micah, I think we have an escaped slave here. Those kinds of marks on her face are normally used to mark the ownership. That is worth a lot of money if we send her back to Rome where she belongs."_

Gabrielle knew she was in a serious trouble. Normally she could have easily beaten a group of drunken soldiers but by doing so she would have to escape the town and spend the night in the cold mountain air. Because she had left her gear in the room she had booked for herself and Zhanci being in the stables it would be just a waste of lives to escape. Also in the process she might damage the inn and she didn't want that either. The best strategy was to pretend she didn't understand a word they and use Chinese to answer when they would shut up. That's what someone who didn't understand Greek would do.

"_I don't know Siepous", _third soldier said. "_We can't know for sure. She is long way from home if she comes from Rome. What if she is not a former slave? We can't just enslave a random person!"_

"_You are too kind Marcus. Who cares if she is not a slave? Honestly I must say she looks like one. She doesn't understand us so we can do whatever we want with her."_

"_Micah, you found her so it's your honor to capture and explain her her rights which she doesn't have", _Siepous laughed.

Gabrielle felt how her arms were tied behind her back and how someone's hands travelled up and down her body. The bartender tried to yell something behind his bar to prevent the capture. The few original members of the town sat staring the happening with open mouths. Gabrielle played along yelling sentences like "Get your hands off me!" or "What on earth are you doing!" but it was all part of the show because she knew she had to wait before escaping.

Roughly the soldiers started to pull her out of the tavern to the cold evening air. She tried to resist a little but went along. Before leaving the inn she yelled to the bartender to collect her things from her room and put the aside before the Romans were able to do so. Her capturers thought she was crying for help like before and didn't mind at all. 'Jerks, at least they should have one person who translates for them', she thought.

-.-

Apparently Romans had taken control of the east side of the city. It was funny how little you had to do to change a piece of Chinese village look like a tiny part of Rome. They even had Caesar' flags hanging above the doors.

The drunken group of soldiers led Gabrielle to a house that had been changed into a holding cell. There were no guards present as the cells were empty. "_Put the bitch over there!" _Siepous, who seemed to be the leader of the pack, yelled and pointed one of the tiny rooms changed into a cells.

"_Who gets to play with her first?"_ man whose name Gabrielle didn't know wanted to know. By the look on his eyes he needed some and fast. "_Micah found her so I think it's his privilege", _yet another nameless man answered.

"_I disagree!" _Siepous said calmly silencing the room. "_I am the oldest and the wisest of us. It is my privilege to toy with her first."_

"_How about Darian? He is our leader? Using that logic she is his first!" _Someone yelled.

"_Yeah, that is not fair game Siepous!" _

It was easy to guess it was going to be a huge argument. Gabrielle stopped listening their fighting after a while because it seemed everyone wanted to have her first and there was not going to be a solution. They were all too greedy like Romans often were.

"_I have a solution!" _Brown haired ugly looking man yelled over everyone else silencing the entire room. "_We solve this like it should be solved among men. Tomorrow we have a little tournament. The winner gets her first."_

"_What kind of tournament may I ask?" _Siepous, who seemed very unhappy, wanted to know.

"_Why combat of course. Last man standing wins."_

"_Good idea mate. I am too tired to fuck her anyway. After a good nap I am in much better condition", _the one who seemed to have the biggest biceps laughed.

"_Wait a minute", _someone said. "_We have to deal with the details first. We have to decide if anyone or just the ones present at the moment can participate. Also, how long will the winner have her and how we choose who goes next and so on."_

"_That's easy. Winner gets her for the rest of the day. The one who was second gets her next day and so on. And no, only we can participate. She is our property now."_

"_Good plan. Shall we go to the bed and sleep well before the competition, gentlemen?"_

__After an hour and another argument Gabrielle stood up from the floor near the wall she had been sitting at for her time in cell. It was calm now, she heard the snoring of the guard outside. It hadn't been easy to pick a person to guard outside because the always so bright soldiers had realized the guard might have her first when everybody was sleeping. In the end the key to the lock had been taken somewhere else so the guard wouldn't be able to open the door. In a case of emergency that was very poor decision but Romans were not that wise.

It also made a change to her plans of escaping. The door was not an option anymore because she had no experience on lockpicking. The room, however, was custom Chinese construction and the window very easy to open if you knew what to do. She just had to wait until the guards were asleep as well as the guards on the streets. She had seen a few of them walking past the window regularly.

Because it was an originally house for families, the windows were very hard to open from outside to prevent unwelcome guests. You just needed to take off the small bolts and nails and give it a light knock to remove the bars. Without any tools it would take approximately a candlemark or two to get out.

-.-

She decided to go one by one and eliminate the guards when their were alone or in a groups of two. After the six of the guards had ridden to the front, probably going to tell their leader about the group of women they had been able to capture, there were only seven guards left.

First two were very easy. It was funny actually, those two she had listened at the morning were again answering the call of nature together so she just jumped down from the tree and knocked them out cold before they even noticed what happened. "Blame your bladders boys", Xena whispered silently while pulling the unconsciousness bodies out of site.

When the last guard hit the ground bleeding severely Xena focused on the group of ladies silently staring at her. "There is no need to be afraid", Xena said as softly as possible. The emotional side and communicating with the people she rescored had never been her best abilities but during the years she had travelled alone it was a skill she had forced herself to learn.

"Can you tell me anything about the men who captured you?"

"There were a lot of them", young child's voice answered.

"Do you know where they were taking you?"

Middle-aged woman stepped forward holding a crying baby on her lap. Her position looked painful because like all the other women, she had ropes around her wrists, ankles and neck. "We know very little about them", she said. "Their leader is called Syxalag and I think he has some kind of mansion or fortress somewhere near. I don't know where he uses women like us but apparently he orders his men to clear villages few times a season. No-one who has been captured ever returns. "

"He is a very bad man", toddler in her arms cried.

"Bad indeed but you will never find out why. I can accompany you back to your village or any other place you want to go. You are free now."

Xena took a dagger from her boot and began cutting the women free. She gave her other dagger to a healthy looking teenager who also began to free her friends and neighbors.

When all the prisoners were freed they collected all the ropes and tied the unconsciousness guards to a big bunch around the tree impossible to escape without help. Xena collected all the weapons from their hiding places and placed them on a neat pile next to those two dead guards. In a few days their leader would probably send someone to look for them so it would be a great way to send them a message.

-.-

Avoiding the sleepy guards was almost too easy when Gabrielle walked through the village back to the tavern. She knew she had to get away from the village before they changed the night guards so Fan Niu would still be at the post and let her out of the village. It made her sad to understand how awful situation at Chengqucun was but it was not her destiny to change it. The bartender had also said that the romans didn't bother them much if they didn't break the unwritten rules.

All the lights inside were turned off when Gabrielle arrived to the tavern. Because she doubted anyone had noticed her escape yet, she walked in using the main door. The guards had taken her room key but if the bartender had done as she had asked and cleared her room she didn't even need that key.

After finding the bartenders room and dealing with the trauma the bartender received when she woke him up so suddenly she found herself from the food storage where Mr. Lee had hidden her supplies Gabrielle had another conversation with the old man. He was deeply sorry about what had happened to her. There had been a few original citizens who had witnessed her arrest and after the romans had taken her they had talked a long while.

Even though the city tried to act normally and respect their fellow residents underneath the calm faces the fire was burning fiery. Mr. Lee was too old to make a difference but some of the younger men wanted revenge. Those who had been there during her arrest had gone to build a group of men who were willing to help her escape, which was not necessary anymore, because they were sick of obeying those who came to their home and first acted like quests.

They stood close to the wall waiting the right moment to attack. Their target was the heart of Roman colony, place that villagers called Aerie, where the generals lived. Gabrielle had decided to act as quickly as possible because operating would be a lot harder after her escape had been noticed. The only advance they had was the element of surprise. Three youngsters she had were not even close to the skills regular soldiers had but she hoped the villagers she had chosen could outdo themselves. It was the only way they could win.

The front door was locked but they noticed one window was open on the second floor. Gabrielle asked her companions to wait while she climbed to the upper floor. She was thankful for the endless hours master Ni had asked her to climb up and down the mountain walls and trees. The house, which was one of the only ones in town made of stones, was easy to climb because the edges of the stones were sticking out of the wall giving her enough handlers to climb blindfolded if needed.

Silently she slid into the dark house. She stopped for a second to listen if there were any soldiers guarding the halls but moved forward quickly when the heard nothing. Her plan was to let her companions in before moving to living quarters. It was not easy to walk around in the dark house searching for stairs when you hadn't ever been inside that house but somehow Gabrielle was able to find her way to the ground floor and to the back door without meeting anyone.

The door was latched so it was very easy to open. After letting her companions in they latched the door back in so no-one would notice their presence. Man Šin, 17 years old young man Gabrielle had chosen to her group, along with his brother Kon Šin, had been working for romans by cleaning the corridors knew the place so they let him lead the silent group of dark figures smoothly through the unlit castle-like house.

Their first target was the armoury. It was close to the operating room so they had to be extra careful because it was one of the places which were guarded around the clock. Their plan was to destroy the armoury before the alarm was called so the reinforcements wouldn't be able to arm. They had decided to use fire because the room was full of wooden furniture, paper and other easily lit materials. They hoped the stone walls would keep the fire inside but if not it was not the end of the world. They had some people hidden close to the Aerie to keep watch if the fire spread outside the house. While they were sneaking inside buckets of water were filled in order to stop the fire if it came to that.

When they reached the commanding chambers they pulled their weapons from their hiding places. Gabrielle had taken both her Sais and her sword with her but at this point she choose to grab her Sais instead of her sword because it was easier to perform a surprise attack using dagger-like weapons. They were not sure if there were any guards inside the arsenal so they had to prepare to eliminate everything inside. If the alarm was called too early their operation would instantly fail.

She took a deep breath before stepping in front of the door. One of the villagers grabbed the door handle and waited her sign to open the door. It was not very often when Gabrielle found herself from this situation. Normally she used her skills to defend not to destroy. She had learned to live with the fact that sometimes only option was killing your enemy and to hide and manage her feelings but still she had to stop for a second to clear her mind and focus to the mission.

She gave the mark and charged through the opening door. There were two men inside, one sitting on the wooden box and the other standing near the first one probably explaining something to the other. They had little time to reach when they saw the door opening. Before the one sitting on the wooden box had even grabbed the hilt of his sword his head was pierced by a dagger-like weapon which went though his chin and came out somewhere around the top of his head. "That is just so disgusting", Gabrielle muttered when she pulled the sai out and the mixture of brain tissue and blood followed the blade.

When she turned to face the second opponent she happily noticed the rest of her group of rebellions had finished him. It also proved she had been wrong when she had doubted villagers abilities of killing when necessary. "We have to move quickly if we want to keep the element of surprise", she ended up saying. She hoped she could give her men more acknowledgement, something she had always wished Xena could have given her, but the situation was tight. She wished most of them would survive so she could praise them when all was over.

"Yes sir, … I mean ma'am", someone answered.

"I am not your commander or ma'am. I'm mostly just like you", Gabrielle answered annoyed. For the better part of the night she had tried to make people treat her like one of them but somehow they kept her on some kind of platform no matter what she tried to ask.

It didn't take long to grab some more weapons and set the rest on fire. When they exit the room the last thing they saw were happily growing orange flames eating every centimeter of wood around itself. However, they didn't stop there. Burning the armoury was only the first step of their plan.

Even though Gabrielle had been against it, the villagers wanted to face the leaders of their enemies face-to-face, not just watch and let them burn alive. In the end it was their village so Gabrielle had promised to add this little point of view to their plan even though she was sceptical.

"Man Šin, take you brother and lead the way to the main hall. Xǔ Han and I try to get to the main corridor and lock the front door at the same time. If someone wants to exit the building, we won't let them try that and tell about it to someone later on. If this works, we should be able to eliminate them when they try to enter the meeting hall or get out of the building. Stay hidden as long as possible, use the traps we discussed about and remember, your brain is the biggest muscle you need."

Everything worked just like they had planned. It took Romans around half an hour to notice the fire and call an alarm. As usual, when alarm was called the first place where everybody ran was the main hall or assembly hall like Romans called it.

The brothers, who had had the responsibility to prepare the hall itself, had just enough time to assassinate the lonely guard inside the roomy space and douse all the torches so when you entered the space you couldn't see anything. However, when you were inside and looked at the door you saw very clearly all the needed details and surprise the newcomer before they were able to call the alarm. Because in the end the Roman colony was not very big they hoped the Aerie didn't contain more than 50 officers and soldiers that night. If they were able to kill most of them the rest of the village would easily get rid of the rest.

It was easy to wait in the darkness and attack when the enemy was trying to find some sort of lightsource. It was more like a slaughter that a fight, at least at the beginning. Most of the half-asleep men thought they had been awakened because of fire and that's why they didn't even bother to bring any kind of weapons with them. However, the alarm was also heard outside and soon the pair near the front door was also trying to defence the latched door. This, on the other hand, was a sign for the rest of the villagers to attack against those who tried to enter the burning headquarters of the Roman colony. It was surprise attack against them as well because either the westerns were too dumb or still half asleep but almost every one of them had came to fight the fire without any kind of weapons. Some had buckets of water with them that didn't help them at all when they faced the angry group of young Chinese men and women fighting for their home village.

Overall the fight took about an hour and the result was amazing. Most of the Romans were either dead or seriously wounded. The small group of villagers harnessed with buckets had been able to stop the fire before it spread too far, not that they cared much what burned inside the devil's nest. It had been a long time since the village of Chengqucun had woken up and known there was hope of better in the air. Indeed it was there and those who had slept through the night joined the rest of the celebrating citizens.

Not far from the center of the village, hiding in the shadows, Gabrielle sat alone observing while thinking. It always hit her after the skirmish or fight, the guilt. Killing was never going to be easy for her and today she had done it several times. Her hands as well as most of her body were covered in dried blood and it stunk. It helped when she thought about how the night had began and what those filthy pigs had planned to do to her and how much she had helped the village by helping them to get rid of the arrogant westerns. As much as she felt guilt she felt anger as well. She was anger for herself because she didn't want to be weak and feel guilt every time she took someone's life. It was something she had discussed a lot with Pong Ni but never really solved the problem. Pong Ni had convinced her it was her strength, the ability to have feeling and feel empathy but in these kinds of situations she hoped she could just celebrate with the others and forget what had been done to accomplish the result.

"Hello there stranger. May I join you?", deep voice brought her back from her thoughts.

"Hello Mr. Lee. What are you doing here?"

"I would like to ask you the same question dear child. You came out of nowhere and saved our community."

"It was nothing. I just lead the way, your people were the ones who made it happen."

"True but you were the key element. What we needed was a leader and that is what you were to us. Without you there wouldn't be that spark needed to accomplish this."

"I learned long time ago that helping other gives me more pleasure than just walking by and concentrating on my own businesses."

"I wish I could have learned that long time ago as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone has some skeletons on their closets."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to but I am willing to listen. I also have some dark secrets on my heart."

"I used to have a son but I lost him long time ago. If I had thought more about my family and less about myself he might be still alive."

"I'm sorry about your son. Father should never be at his own child funeral." She felt a little sting inside her own heart when she imagined how her own family had react when they had heard the news about what they thought was her dead.

"I had just lost my wife few years earlier. When she past away I lost all my interesses to life. It cost me my daughter-in-law and my beautiful grandchildren. If I had helped her she wouldn't have had to leave and disappear from my life to all eternity."

"Life is guell sometimes, isn't it. I have lost a lot as well. Actually, it was partly my fault I left everything I had in Greece. I have been living here in China for long time."

"You are still young, you could go back and try to correct your errors."

"That's what I am going to do at the moment. I'm on way back to Greece. I don't know what I will face but I hope they will at least let me explain."

"I wish you all the luck I can give. My chance to make a change has already passed me."

"Tell me, Mr. Lee, why are we talking about such a dark and miserable things when everyone around is celebrating?"

"That is a good question dear child. I guess all this happiness around me makes me think what I lost."

**End of part 27**

Some people has been asking about the time between the beginning and current events. The persian attack (One against the army) did happen and I mentioned it earlier but for example the third coming of Hope didn't, at least not yet, and after that none of the major thing haven't either. I'm not going to explain very specific what Xena has done, you can fill those slots by yourself. What I have thought about those six years she had been alone she has struggled in order to stay on the right path. She has been very depressed and stayed more with her mom where she has tried to find some comfort. When I actually get to the point where Xena and Gabrielle meet again (that will happen, eventually…) I will open Xena's part of the story a bit more. What comes to event in the series I'm planning on using them, for example Hope and the whole pregnancy thing but in a bit different angle.

I hope that answered your questions and I'm thankful if you are still following this story. Leave a comment about what you think, it always gives you more motivation to continue when you get some feedback.


	28. Onward

**Chapter 28 - Onward**

"We are forever grateful for saving our lives", Nadja smiled and hugged Xena. They had traveled back to women' hometown without problems. It had taken some time because most of the women were tired and hungry but they had been determinate to get back home safe and as fast as possible.

"It was the least I could do", Xena smiled back.

"Why?", Sonya, one of the youngest kidnapped women asked. "You owe us nothing, you don't even know us. Still you saved us." Her tone was light but sharp. "Sometimes, well often actually, it is not about what you want or what you need. I find peace when I can help others." Xena smiled her warm smile and turned to face woods. "I wish there would be a day my help was not needed anymore but I doubt it will never come. Till that day or the I am taken from the land living I have decided to fight for those who cannot defend themselves."

"I heard that when you help people the help come back to you in some form", Nadja answered.

"That is beautiful thought. I hope you believe in it Nadja. I do, in some form", Xena said slowly without turning to face the two young adults.

Young women looked at the older woman standing in front of them. Nadja was busy admiring Xena's strong from but Sonya was busy trying to find a way to ask some questions she had been moulding in her head.

"I have heard lots of stories about you Xena", she began. "You are nothing like some of them tell but on the other hand some stories describes you just like you are. I wish I was at least half of what you are."

"No", Xena said sharply and turned to face Sonya. "Don't wish to be me, it will do you no good at all. Don't try to be somebody, be yourself." Younger woman jumped a bit when she heard the harsh tone. "Sorry", Xena said softly. "It is just better that way", she continued with the same soft tone.

"But, according to the stories I have heard, that is how your friend Gabrielle did and in the end she became famous bard. I want to be something great, something more than a merchant's third daughter."

"If you know the story of the bard of Potedia you know what happened to her. Do you want the same faith? I don't think so. Besides, she never followed my way. She chose her own. She never let those temptations that struggled with affect to her behavior."

"That is what I mean. She chose to be the sidekick, not hero like you but weaker. I want to be like you, hero type, a warrior."

"That you only lead to your destruction", Xena said firmly and walked away leaving stunned young adult behind.

"What did I say wrong?" Sonya asked from no-one.

"Don't you know Gabrielle is her weak point? Never poke that button unless you want to die", Nadja answered as she has learned from some stories.

-.-

Xena walked to stables and began to saddle Argo. The mare had followed her loyalty for almost a decade and she knew the mare would continue doing so till the day she died, it was the gift Ares' curse had given her. Neither of them appeared even a day older than on that day years ago when Ares had decided to stop her aging.

"Stupid Ares, always poking his nose on my live", Xena hissed, picked up the saddle and placed it on her mare's back. The town's innkeeper, also a father of one of the kidnapped girls had promised to give Xena a roof on top of her head for as long as she wished but Xena had declined. She was not in a mood for a night at the town, she craved to be alone with the stars and a campfire. There were many options where she could head next, on the other hand she wanted to just get away and continue her journey to unknown destination but a small part of her wanted to go back where she came from and attack the Syzalag's slave grounds. She hadn't heard about him before so there was a good chance his army was still small-scale. Apparently he used the women he kidnapped to fight against something on the arena. Easiest way was to stop him before he grew too much. The only problem was that she had no clue where his base was.

After packing her gear she went back to the inn to say her farewells for the town's people. She warned them that the men might come back and told them to be secure. They didn't want her to leave but Xena insisted it was the right choice. She wanted to village to survive by themselves, not only with her help.

Giving up the idea of searching the place she decided to continue with her earlier travel plans. During the years after giving up the warlord part of her live she had helped so many she wished Hercules or some other hero would take care of the slaver and his gladiator business for her just this once. Originally she had been heading to Gytheionto participate a birthday feast of the young queen she had helped couple years earlier.

She had met queen Sofia accidently just few months before her mother, former queen of Gytheion had passed away under suspicious circumstances. With a help of Xena and the leader of royal guard they had solved the murder mystery, proofed that it was not suicide or cause of nature but indeed a murder. Sofia's uncle, her late father's brother, had tried to get his hands on the crown by killing the queen had relying on Sofia's young age. He was not from the royal bloodline because his brother, Sofia's father that had died on battles when Sofia was only 7 years old, had only been a husband to the royal line. As a second last person of the royal bloodline Sofia had been in serious danger. Fortunately her aunt, sister of her late mother, had come to help her with the kingdom till queen Sofia was ready to take the lead to her hands.

Even though Sofia had only been 16 when her mother was killed, the young queen had been able to build decent city that she lead with peace and kindness. Sofia's 19th birthday was just around the corner. In their culture 19 was the age of adulthood and was often celebrated impressively. It was against Gytheion's laws to get married before adulthood so the day was also the day of Sofia's marriage announcement.

It was a tight fit but if she ride like a wind for the next couple of days she might be able to be in Gytheionon the night before Sofia's birthday feast.

-.-

It took almost four days of nonstop riding but evenly Xena reached the guard posts of Gytheionjust before they closed the gates for the night. She was given the permission to enter the city and after that she ride to the Bearpoint inn. It was a small place, located in the not so wealthy part of the city. She didn't want to go to the castle yet even though they would have taken her in with open arms because it was late and she was tired. Going to the castle would only delay her sleep which she needed after getting almost non on her trip. She also wanted to meet and greet the innkeeper, Minerva.

The dining area was full of people when she entered. Even though the birthday was not public there were parties organized outside the castle for people to honor and celebrate with her. She was liked queen, she had changed many laws to guarantee better living standards for her people so even some people that lived at the countryside of her kingdom had come to celebrate the birthday.

"Good evening, how may I help you?" Young bartender asked. "I need a single bed room and a dinner, do you have space?" Xena replied and flashed a smile for the young girl. She had chosen to wear a cape and hood so she wouldn't pull attraction to herself. "I am not sure", bartender answered and checked the table of keys. "Because of the celebration tomorrow we are quite packed but there might be something, let me ask from my boss."

Young bartender walked in to the kitchen and returned shortly with Minerva in tow. "My goodness, who did the gods dragged to my door", she smiled when she noticed the warrior princess. "It is been a while since you stepped under my roof young lady."

"I know, I have been busy lately. You do have any rooms left for the night, I don't mind to have a crappy one."

"I always have a room for you honey. Now tell me, how is Cyrene?"

Xena grimaced. "Don't call me that please." She knew it was a lost case but she tried every time. "Mother is doing okay, at least she was when I last time saw here few moons ago. Don't you two write to each other anymore?"

"Of course we do but I need other perspectives as well. My dear old cousin rarely writes anything but positive thing about anything. I need to get someone to tell me her worries as well."

"Well, at least at the moment everything is going okay. She is getting older but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. I have been helping with the repairs the inn needs but other than that she is handling everything just fine."

"Come honey, sit. You must be tired of your travel here. I will get you something to eat so we can talk more", Minerva said and guided her guest to the small empty table. Then she disappeared to the kitchen and reappeared soon with a plate full of food. "There you go", she said and placed the plate in front of Xena. "Now, tell me about yourself, how have you been doing lately?"

Xena smiled to the older woman and began telling about her doings. Long time ago when she was only a girl growing up Minerva had lived in Amfipolis near her mother's inn working as a teacher for young kids. Xena had been one of her students for the first few years. However, life draw different path for Minerva; she found love and moved away with her husband. Xena knew her former teacher wrote with her mother occasionally but new beginning, opening her own tavern and young children of her own made travelling almost impossible. Xena didn't hear anything from her aunt, as she knew her, after beginning her warlord career nor had she asked anything after calming down. When she was helping Sofia with the murder of her mother she had accidently met her aunt at the streets of Gytheion.

Minerva had heard a lot about Xena, from the stories bards spread, gossip and of course from Cyrene herself. Her own children had grown up and moved away except for her youngest who was still living with his mother and working at the castle as a cook. Xena's aunt had lost her husband to alcohol, he had tried to sword-fight with his mates while being way too drunk and had ended up with too severe blood loss. After reconnecting with her aunt, Xena had also helped to regrow the relationship between her mother and Minerva, they had lost contact slowly through the years. Strangely, they were both in almost identical situation, both were widows owning a tavern and both had lost their husband.

-.-

"I have to go now so I won't be late", Xena said after the breakfast. "But I will come back to say hey before I leave the city, okay?" she continued before the older woman was able to say anything. "Of course honey, go. Tell queen Sofia that I wish happy birthday for her, will you?" Minerva had never met the young queen personally but wish well for her none less.

"I will, have a nice day. I bet you will have lots and lots of customers today"; Xena smiled and secured her weapons to their correct places. Weapons were not accepted inside the tavern and Xena honored that wish.

She walked outside to the sables and saddled Argo, even though the walk to the gates were not that long. The castle was located on top of the hill while the city surrounded it. The upper parts of the city were mostly populated by rich and famous while the lower parts were for the regular citizens. Gytheionwas not huge city like Athens or Corinth but large enough so it was rarely attacked.

Xena pushed her way through the masses of people while climbing up to the castle. She looked around her and was pleased to notice how much Sofia had been able to reconstruct. Sofia's mother had been kind queen but hadn't focused much on maintaining the city. Sofia had decided that she wanted to give a part of the luxury for everybody and so, instead of building herself a wealthy living environment she had focused on repairing the streets, repainting the walls, build up better water system and so on.

The gate was guard a bit more heavily that normally, naturally because of the birthday.

"Hello, my name is Xena. Queen Sofia invited me here to attend her feast", Xena told to the guard on post.

"Hello warrior princess, you are free to go inside. Queen Sofia is waiting for you", was the repeat and she was given access to entry. Another guard followed her and showed the way to the saddles, even though Xena already knew the way. Stable boy Cerid welcomed her and promised to take care Argo's every need while Xena stayed at the castle.

The tall warrior gave her packs to the servant who promised to prepare a room for her and followed the guard inside to the feast area.

"Okay, show time", Xena told herself and laughed briefly.

**End of part 28**

Hey all.

First of all I want to say sorry for all of those who followed this story and were disappointed when the updating stopped. I want to thank all of you that haven't given up with this story. It is been two years since I updated but I hope I could continue this one. Lots has happened, I have mostly been tied up with university but I don't want to list some useless excuses. What really happened was that I was diagnosed with dyslexia and it really took away my desire to write. English is not my native language so the disorder hits heavily when I am writing foreign language. I guess I know about my problems earlier but knowing that I can't type correctly and that I can't spot my errors is… well it is not fun. Anyways I chose to study physics so it is almost as far from literature as possible.

What else, oh yeah. I was wondering whether anyone might help me to beta these chapters. That might help me to continue writing this story. I could also start writing these in Finnish but I doubt most of you wouldn't understand a word.

I like comments so please do so if you have anything popping to your mind about this story. This chapter is not what I planned cause I decided to make quite big change in plot (You will never know the change cause most of the changed happened on the parts that are not even written yet.) That's why I am dropping the slave thing on the last chapter, I hope you don't mind.

One more thing, I have the next chapter almost ready so I hope I am able to update in about a week or so.

#G


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